I think DP doesn't love me any more

[Dumpylump]

He says he does, and he's says it will be fine. But I don't think I believe him and it's breaking my heart.
We've been together for six years, have two children each - none together, and although we've had ups and downs, I thought this was it for ever.
Lately he's been distant, doesn't ever initiate any kind of physical contact (not even a hug), and just doesn't seem interested in spending any time with me.
I've tried to talk to him about it but he either starts going over old fights we've had in the past, about stuff I thought was long ago resolved, or just says he doesn't want to fight and is too tired to talk about things.
I don't want to fight either, but I want to save our relationship, we used to be so close, and now I feel alone.
We've got a holiday booked with the dcs in the summer, and I can't help feeling that he's just waiting til that's done and then he's going to leave. I can't sleep, and have a permanent knot in my stomach.

So for months he has been distant, no physical contact, and he says it was just about a few texts and a coffee?

I'm so sorry. It doesn't add up. Read your first post, op...

Don't forget also - he lied about who she was. He was protecting him AND her.

You found out. He is still lying.

Yes, I agree with Millii, he is agreeing with everything to get through this, tell him he needs to be completely honest with you, although at this point in time, I don't see that he will.
For you, you need to decide whether if they were intimate is this a deal breaker for you. I th nk if you are honest with yourself you know the truth.
Your friend was very kind to you. I hope it all works out for you.

Whether they slept together or not isn't actually any more of a heartbreak than what I'm already imagining. I know what she looks like in hardly any clothes, I know what he looks like inside out, I know her house, I know his car, I know her car.....I have a continual reel playing in my head of them together, I know what he does with me in bed, I know what he likes, and I'm seeing them every time I close my eyes - if he fronted up and admitted it, it couldn't possibly make me feel worse.
I suspect they had a drunken shag when he bumped into her on his night out, and whether they've had a repeat performance or not, I don't care. The betrayal from both of them isn't so much about the physical act.
He's asking me to stop torturing myself, but I'm not choosing to do it.....I can't help it. I honestly don't want to be feeling like this.
He was my safe place, when he held me I felt like nothing could hurt me..... I want to feel safe again.

He's a cheeky sod asking you to stop torturing yourself! If it wasn't for him, you wouldn't be tortured.

Fab the thing is if he is continuing to lie to you and tell you that they did not have sex etc then he is continuing to protect her for some reason. His behaviour is the way a man having an affair behaves. I would just be prepared for there to be more . Has he told you that you can look at his phone, emails etc whenever you want? Does he tell you where he is going and when he will be back? Does he bend over backwards to make you feel secure and that everything you are feeling is understandable and he will answer any of your questions whenever you want to talk?

He wants you to forget how badly he has treated you and who he has betrayed you with? I bet he does.

Well we went on the holiday and I managed very successfully to "park" everything. It probably helped that our holiday was absolutely amazing, the weather was so hot and sunny, the hotel was lovely, all the activities we did were just great, it was pretty much perfect.
Dp and I had a little chat about things and he apologised again, and we were great while we were away.
But, we're home now.
I decided that I was prepared to forgive and try to forget. I really love dp, and I want us to stay together. But he has reverted to behaving how he was before. I've told him I just need some reassurance, that I need him to tell me he loves me, cuddle me, promise it's all ok....and he doesn't seem able to. He waffles on about being tired, and says "you know I love you, relax, everything's fine", but he doesn't touch me, we haven't had sex since we've been home, and I feel like he's just stringing me along. Its like he wants to dump me, but he can't bring himself to say it - he's worried about upsetting me, or what our friends will say, or something. He swore he wasn't just playing nice til we'd been on holiday, and I wonder if he's trying to wait til a decent amount of time has passed before he leaves me. I don't know what to do. I am so unhappy. I'm not ready for this to be over. For gods sake, I'm crying again now.

I think he's probably looking to you to do his dirty work. If you feel bad enough you might end it with him?

Yes he probably did just want to get the holiday over with but now you're home.

I can't really offer advice, but think about you...why do you think you're allowing him to treat you like this? Why have you tried to brush his previous behaviour under the carpet?

I know you want to go back but you can't, you can only move forward, do you think that he deserves you? Aren't you worth more than he is giving?

I don't know what happened with her but the liklihood is that we will never know, therefore you have to deal with the facts you have and they aren't pretty. He isn't even putting any effort into retaining your relationship which should speak volumes.

Sounds like he's hedging his bets. On holiday he buttered you up, now you're back he's thinking about her and wondering if he'll pick up with her again.

Keeping you both on side so he can choose between you.