Straw poll - is it healthy to check a DP's phone?

[hannah0030]

Interested in the consensus on checking a DP's phone? I've got friends that say it spells the end of a relationship because it's a sign of no trust, and also friends that say it's completely fine, they don't think their DP is being unfaithful, they're just nosy and like to see how their DP interacts with friends etc. Thoughts? And do you think it's different for younger generations?

Of course its not healthy!

No. I'd go ballistic if DP did it to me.

No it's not healthy. I'd be a bit pissed off if my DP checked my phone.So I wouldn't dream of checking his.

Well it depends. Had your do got history of being untrustworthy?

No

It'd spell the end of the relationship if my DP did that.

Interested just for you or from a journalistic point of view?

No, not healthy.

If feeling nosy, you should be able to ask.

No, not even remotely healthy.

well it depends if there is anything on it! i looked as i knew i would find something. which i suppose does make it a marriage in difficulty, but it wasnt in difficulty because of my phone checking iyswim?

well it depends if there is anything on it!

No, the end does not justify the means.

I've never felt the urge to check my DH's phone. It would probably feel unhealthy if I felt the need to. I don't think DH has ever checked my phone and I'd be annoyed if he did - there's just too much information on phones these days and I feel it's private even though none of it would offend him.

No. It's a total invasion of privacy and a breach of trust.

Not healthy, no.

No, not fine at all. We are all entitled to s private life. I wouldn't want my DP to read my messages any more than I'd want my DCs to read messages I've sent to DP. There's nothing wrong or dishonest in any of them, but they are intended to be read only by the recipient.

As it happens, my DP has always said his phone is open, I know his passcode, I am welcome to look at his messages whenever I want. This in itself makes me not want to check.

He is open and honest, he doesn't hide messages if they come in while we are sitting together, and I know that anything which might be even slightly upsetting (e.g. kisses on messages from his ex) has no bearing on his feelings for me, so while reading some of his messages would bother me and might be enough to make someone else suspicious, there is no need for that to be the case.

If ever I felt that there was something wrong I would hope that talking to him would give me the reassurance I need. If not, then we shouldn't be together.

It wouldn't occur to DH or I to check invade each other's privacy by checking phones.

Definitely not a healthy thing to do.

I agree - it's a total invasion of privacy and a breach of trust. It has never occurred to me to check DH's phone. I don't think it's a very healthy thing to do.

Not healthy at all. I have nothing incriminating onmy phone (not that I've done anything in the first place!) but I still don't want my OH snooping. It's a case of boundaries and respect of privacy.

No, not healthy

nope

but I understand why people do it if they are being driven batshit by someone's dodgy behaviour

"They want to see how their DP interacts with friends"

Eh?

Why?

No it's not healthy. What are you looking for? If you don't trust someone don't be with them or you'll spend your entire time doubting them

No.

its not really that simple is it? either trust or leave...

on the relationships board people are always saying 'check his phone' when posters suspect an affair. it is helpful to know what is going on

when i was able to confront dh, it stopped an ea from becoming a full blown affair and we were able to work on strengthening our relationship. i guess i could have just chosen to leave without checking his phone, but it seems a bit extreme. if i had just asked, he would have denied

now he tells me i can check any time and is v open about it. i dont feel a need to look as his behaviour doesnt worry me