Being in love is a disease

[DanielGray25]

They say that love is blind. Rubbish. Love is the most clear sighted thing in the world. Attachment is blind, because its stupid, because its based on a false belief and we call THAT love.

"I am in love with you" "I love you" What? Do you love me or do you love yourself? Do you know what "in love" means? It means I want you for me, I am possessive of you, I am not going to be happy without you and I emotionally depend on you. That is a drug, that is a disease and this disease according to society is the supreme virtue of life. Its garbage, but who dares to say this?

You are blind and full of yourself when you are in love, ever thought of that? You don't actually see the other person because you projected onto the other person a hopeful idea of them and that's what you love. You dont actually love the person.

This is why relationships are the biggest cause of conflict on this planet, why most people are generally quite miserable, why half of marriages end in divorce and a good portion of "successful" marriages are full of hard work and very mediocre. Everybody seems to be going into them with blinders on and when the relationship ends they usually end up hating each other.

The main preoccupation of society is to keep society sick. The only answer is to take the blinders off, ignore what everyone else is telling you love is, allow the other person to be free and have no expectations.

Can you do that? Or will you continue to spend your whole life trying to make something work that isnt designed to work, like most humans do?

Errrm ..... Ok. Thanks for the advice.

I'll be sure to tell my husband tonight that I don't really love him, I love the idea of him I've created

In the mean time where's that biscuit?

Well if your relationship is anything like what I see most people generally doing, it is based on:

Control, boundaries, possessivness, expectations, jealousy, envy, drama, hard work, compromise and you only love your current idea about him.

None of that is love.

Love is when you can quite confidently say "I dont need you darling, I wish you well and I leave you free." Can you do that?

Um. Yes.

Why are you projecting your experience and perception here?

Your experience isn't the sum total of the actual truth...........

Not you again!

So in relation to my above post:

Control, Boundaries & Possessivness - Do you allow the one you love, to do what they want, whenever they want, with whoever they want and encourage their freedom? If the answer is no, your relationship and life is in a mess.

Jealousy - Would you become jealous if the one you love found another member of the opposite sex that they also love and have sex with? If the answer is yes, your relationship and life is in a mess.

Envy - Would you become envious if the one you love, decided to move on and become very successful? If the answer is yes, your relationship and life is in a mess.

Expectations - Would you be angry if the one you love didn't meet your expectations that you have created in your head? If the answer is yes, your relationship and life is in a mess.

Drama, Hard Work and Compromise - Does your relationship with the one you love take a lot of hard work, effort and constant compromises to make it work? If the answer is yes, your relationship and life is in a mess.

If you dont like hearing that your relationship and life is in a mess, maybe its because its true?

have you ever had or want a relationship.

I used to date a guy like you.

hes still single, im quite found of him but he will end up a lone I can almost quarantine it

Who cares?

Daniel

Have you got something you would like help with?

You seem quite angry. Was that due to a recent experience?

Can't you appreciate we all have different opinions on love and life and your view isn't necessarily the correct one?

No I don't require traditional, committed relationships.

Being alone is AWESOME. I love being alone. Thats the plan to end up alone.

Loneliness is not cured by contact with humans Loneliness is cured by contact with reality.

Fear of being lonely or fear of being/ending up alone are man-made concepts/constructs created to keep the masses under control where they can be easily manipulated. There is also a massive amount of commerce/industry that rely on you believing it. Being with other people isn't the cure, it's just a band-aid and only treats the fake symptom.

A meaningful life comes at a price. If you want one, you have to take risks otherwise what's the point? The objective reality of our relationships must not override our subjective experiences of them, otherwise we are no more of value than an emotionless computer programming designed to imitate people. Real people feel the pain and get on with life anyway.

Are you the guy who walks up and down wearing the sandwich boards on Oxford Street?

Whiles I think what you say has a lot of truth, the fact is there are a lot of people who do love in a healthy way.

Your last post to me is extreme and unhealthy too. Expecting zero attachment in a loving relationship is unhealthy. Of course whwn we truly love we fear loss.

I think it would be better to think of love in terms of a healthy scale. At one end is possessiveness, jealousy, selfishness. At the other end is trust, selflessness and space in the relationship. I think it's best we aim to for the middle ground, afterall a little bit of selfishness and a little bit of selflessness is what makes a relationship equal. It means you value your own needs and those of the other person. BA lance rather then been excessively one way or the other is important.

@Don Well you can say who cares, but as I say, Traditional relationships are the cause of the most conflict on this planet and the reason why most people are very unhappy.

Look at this forum, the anger, the bitterness, the confusion, the drama, I could go on and on... Its the result of my OP.

@Quite

Actually I am very happy and its all because I realised that happiness is uncaused. Happiness is when you drop your illusions and be right here, right now.

People in relationships require someone else to make them happy. It will never work.

im fighting the urge to ask if your name is pete!

ya know what, being alone is awesome, I dont need a relationship to be happy and content, iv done six years of alone happiness but a relationship brings a new/ddifferent kind of happiness and imo nethier are wromg or better then the other.

I fully accept and respect your view but maybe you could give others the same?

Why are you copying someone else's work without attribution?

(the OP comes from Anthony de Mello, an indian jesuit priest and spiritual teacher, who died almost 30 years ago.)

If you talk normally maybe we can help.

Slow day at the office?

@Infinite There is no meaning to life. In fact, the fact that people try to give meaning to life is the cause of a lot of conflict on this planet.

If there was any meaning to life, it would be to love. Again, the way our society has drilled into us what love is, is a disease.

There's some sense in what you say Daniel. But there's also a load of bollocks. Glad you're happy to end up alone coz that's what you will end up like if you chat like this. Irritating.

Too categorical. I can't be bothered. how old are you?

@Gorgon, If you live a life committed to giving and loving, then I refuse to believe that I will actually end up with no friends or having relationships at the end of my life.

However, I just wont be in a committed, traditional, serious relationship because they dont work.

You mean the Beatles were wrong? Love isn't really all you need? :(

Anyway, now we know. How kind of you to share 'your' knowledge with us.