Being in love is a disease

[DanielGray25]

They say that love is blind. Rubbish. Love is the most clear sighted thing in the world. Attachment is blind, because its stupid, because its based on a false belief and we call THAT love.

"I am in love with you" "I love you" What? Do you love me or do you love yourself? Do you know what "in love" means? It means I want you for me, I am possessive of you, I am not going to be happy without you and I emotionally depend on you. That is a drug, that is a disease and this disease according to society is the supreme virtue of life. Its garbage, but who dares to say this?

You are blind and full of yourself when you are in love, ever thought of that? You don't actually see the other person because you projected onto the other person a hopeful idea of them and that's what you love. You dont actually love the person.

This is why relationships are the biggest cause of conflict on this planet, why most people are generally quite miserable, why half of marriages end in divorce and a good portion of "successful" marriages are full of hard work and very mediocre. Everybody seems to be going into them with blinders on and when the relationship ends they usually end up hating each other.

The main preoccupation of society is to keep society sick. The only answer is to take the blinders off, ignore what everyone else is telling you love is, allow the other person to be free and have no expectations.

Can you do that? Or will you continue to spend your whole life trying to make something work that isnt designed to work, like most humans do?

Well I dunno. I think there a lot of users out here, purposefully or not. You could find yourself committed to giving and loving and getting very little back (because as you say, you can't expect this as it equates to attachment etc). That is allowing yourself to be treated as a doormat and indicates poor self esteem/poor self respect. Frankly, a useless endeavour. You may as well just purely focus on yourself.

There should be reciprocity. That's the beauty of relationships.

Think you're barking up the wrong tree mate. No offence.

What a boring OP.

Traditional relationships do work. So what if they involve compromise to some extent.

Lol so boring. I'm only replying as I have nothing to do at work.

I feel like OP is the equivalent of one of those evangelical people who stand on a podium out in the middle of a town and shout the gospel. Not really speaking to anyone and occasionally muttering to himself.

Traditional relationships are the cause of the most conflict on this planet and the reason why most people are very unhappy.

This is blatantly untrue - unless you're wearing some pretty large blinkers yourself.

@ Gorgon Why would this path require low self esteem, self respect and treated as a doormat? Its the exact opposite. If you were treated poorly, you would instantly leave the situation without second thought because you're only committed to giving and loving. The people who get treated like doormats are the ones that need love. I don't need or require it.

Look at this forum, this forum reeks of low self esteem and self respect because they played by all the rules of life that doesn't work and look where it led them. Sometimes they get fed up and get a divorce to get their self esteem and self respect back though.

The most wonderful feeling in the world is when you are falling in love with someone and they love you back. That honeymoon period when you think the other can do wrong and you look past imperfections.

Relationships are hard work in the long run but a lot of people give up and go chasing that new love again. I can understand what you are saying OP!

Ah, I get it.

You are hear to Mansplain all that is wrong with women and their attitudes to relationships.

Please do save yourself the effort and tootle on back to your little menpower forum.

"hear" = "here", obviously....

@Sabrinna My life is very peaceful now that I don't take part in of any of the family and traditional relationship conflicts.

Look at this forum. Conflict, conflict, conflict.

@Rebecca Patricia No I am impartial. Men and women, neither are at fault. Both sexes have been given the wrong instructions about life, love and relationships and both are equally messed up.

Hardly the cause of all the conflict on the planet though. World Wars??

Glad you have a peaceful life - mine is rarely peaceful but very happy. I think you sound withdrawn from people and society, which would make me feel lonely.

If you're so happy and peaceful, why the need to preach to us? You want to stamp out all the relationships - romantic and familial - world wide? So that we can all be as peaceful as you? Thanks, but I'll pass.

You're a little ray of sunshine aren't you?

My DH and I like and love each other.

Sounds like you have had a bad experience and therefore perceive it as An Unalienable Truth.

@ Rebecca Yes I have experienced that feeling. I didn't love the girl though, I only loved the idea I had of her in my head.

Yes, relationships are meant to be hard work, which is why they dont work.

Because some people are here for advice and support, not boast about how wonderful their lives are. Conflict is a natural part of life, people disagree about some things, and that's what makes life interesting.

I don't feel the need to talk about my relationship because we're happy. Just like the news doesn't really report "good" news.

I see you have your opinion on how relationships should be, but so does everyone else, and I think trying to bring them down because you don't agree with it is pretty lame.

Both sexes have been given the wrong instructions about life, love and relationships and both are equally messed up.

You do realise that this is just your opinion and not fact don't you?

@Hester My Mother and Father like and love each other and have been married for over 40 years. That doesnt change the fact that almost every day there is nagging, frustrations, annoyances, expectations or even full blown arguments. None of it necessary.

I teach yoga and I feel much love for my students.

All without attachment of course. Its incredible and wonderful.

Well that settles it then. You have just described my marriage perfectly.

Because that's how you have seen YOUR parents behave.

@Hester Half of marriages end in divorce and my parents are in the successful group.

So your relationship isnt hard work? Thats wonderful. Good for you.

Relationships should never be hard work. Ever.

Oh dear.

I think you make some good points. But some of what you say is a bit twisted

@Sev You are addicted to the drama, you need the drama to give your life meaning.

Yes, but what I am saying is, when you give this one thing up, it is possible to not experience negative emotions ever again. You understand that its learned behavior and when you only require what sustains life, you will live a free, peaceful, happy and extraordinary life.

@shirley The cure is very painful at first.

Thats the plan to end up alone.

You are doing a good job then OP

Really, I wonder what you are getting out of lecturing people here