Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Brothers new wife is unhinged...what should I do?

126 replies

auntyjj · 19/05/2015 12:25

My brother got married to a very yong woman in her early twenties who's still at university. She's young eve for her age, she's an Arab who was home schooled and is not very well socialised. I met her for the first time this week when they visited and she seemed like a sweet girl, a bit self obsessed and a bit of a show off, but very young and I thought harmless.

So my sister was putting them up for the past week, and last night she arranged a BBQ as my Dad was off away and it was our chance to have a family party. My sister went to a fair amount of trouble as the new wife has very particular dietary requirements.

So anyway, my brother and his wife went out for the day and never showed up to the BBQ. When we phoned them two hours after the BBQ started we were told they weren't coming as they were having dinner with someone else.

So when they got back to my sister's, my sister told my brother it had been rude not to show up and an argument between by brother and sister started. At this point the new wife interject and tells my sister (who's 10 years older) to not speak to her husband that way. My sister asked her to stay out of it. The new wife said she had "preferred lebanese food" and that if going to parties was a condition of staying there, they would stay elsewhere. My sister told her to go right ahead and could not believe how rude she was being.

So then they showed up at my Mums house at midnight. I was there as I am staying with Mum right now as my Dad is going away and Mum is scared on her own.

They came in and the new wife, who's a good 20 years younger than me sat there and told me my sister would "pay the consequences for her actions" and that she was a bitch, and a snake and all sorts of mad things. I could not believe she was sitting there saying those things to me about my sister, especially in front of my 65 year old Mum who was in stunned silence.

I very calmly listened to her and then said "well actually, I do agree it's very rude to now show up to a party you've agreed to come to when you are a guest in someone's home and not even telephone to let your hosts know".

At that, the new wife jumped up, got right on top of me, physically on top of me, pointing her finger in my face and said "keep your opinions to yourself eh sweetheart". It was like Jeremy Kyle! I had only met her once before a few days ago!

She then stormed out to a hotel and is now refusing to come back unless we "show her some respect". My brother is siding with the new wife, my Mum is devastated and horrified at how the new wife attacked me and doesn't want to not see my brother anymore but the wife is clearly completely mad.

How to handle this?

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 19/05/2015 15:14

(That was in response to Hissy at 15.11)

Hissy · 19/05/2015 15:16

the DM needs to see that this is NOT the time to repeat history.

Hissy · 19/05/2015 15:17

oh agree AnotherEmma! i know and completely get what you are saying.

Weebirdie · 19/05/2015 15:20

I live in the ME and have done for almost 40 years as the wife of a Gulf Local and mum of 5 now adult children.

So, we have a home schooled girl from the ME now at uni, married to a foreigner, and living abroad?

This story isn't adding up.

ItsRainingInBaltimore · 19/05/2015 15:24

What i WILL say though is that I witnessed a certain breed of young woman there who's Mummy and Daddy were very rich, the type who was home schooled, had servant and was taught to be superior and this little cow is most certainly one of those.

As soon as I read your first post I knew this was what we were dealing with. A spoilt precious princess who is not used to being stood up to and is accountable to no-one.

ItsRainingInBaltimore · 19/05/2015 15:28

Wee no-one said she was a muslim or a Gulf National herself. She could have been a Lebanese Christian expat or someone who as parents of different nationalities and cultures like your own children. Not everyone fits the stereotype as I am sure you know.

Weebirdie · 19/05/2015 15:34

Thank you for that Raining though I wasn't aware I said that she was Muslim or Gulf National.

That was your interpretation of my post.

Want2bSupermum · 19/05/2015 15:36

My sister married a Lebanese dude and his sister is just like this. I walked away from my sister and have not looked back. One day she will wake up and find that back bone that she has and I will be there to help her pick up the pieces. Until then I am staying well clear. You don't need that in your life.

If you live at your mothers house FT I would have a quiet word with your sister and go stay there. If you have your own home leave and tell your brother you are there for him and his family when he is ready to treat you with respect.

NameChange30 · 19/05/2015 15:37

Nationality, religion, culture, social "status", financial position, etc. have nothing to do with it. Red herrings IMO.

The long and short of it is, they are both fucked up toxic people.

You get toxic people from all walks of life.

ItsRainingInBaltimore · 19/05/2015 15:37

What is your issue with the OP's description of her background then? Confused You sound like you don't believe it.

NameChange30 · 19/05/2015 15:38

ItsRaining are you asking me or was it a cross-post?

ItsRainingInBaltimore · 19/05/2015 15:39

My sister married a Lebanese dude and his sister is just like this.

At the risk of being flamed for stereotyping, er…yes. High maintenance with very high opinions of themselves.

ItsRainingInBaltimore · 19/05/2015 15:39

No sorry I was Another I was asking Wee.

NameChange30 · 19/05/2015 15:40

OMFG stop with the generalisations. You know it's borderline racist don't you?! Two examples don't make it a rule.

rockybalboa · 19/05/2015 15:40

Get in that bedroom and refuse to come out (I know it's early..). Wanker brother and bitchface SIL can stay in a hotel!!! They sound utterly dreadful.

ItsRainingInBaltimore · 19/05/2015 15:42

Do you know any Lebanese people Another? Because I know a fair few….

NameChange30 · 19/05/2015 15:43

I'm just saying let's not derail the thread. It's about the OP's brother and SIL, not about "Lebanese people", or "Arabs", or anything else.

pictish · 19/05/2015 15:48

Dh's brother married a similar horror in a secret marriage ceremony. He's not as bad as your brother but has always been a self centred, senseless, egotisitical prat.
Anyway he brought her over to mil's to stay for a month where she was jaw-droppingly rude and ungracious to everyone. Mil's dh ended up kicking them out. All very dramatic.

You have my sympathy. x

katrinefedora · 19/05/2015 15:53

Grin sebsmummy I thought the same thing, of course my practical advice is to go NC, try not to get too involved. you can't control what others in the family do, just concentrate on yr own peace of mind

(but a part of me was thinking THIS WOMAN WILL BE THE NEW MN LEGEND TO rival lemon drizzle mum Blush)

AttilaTheMeerkat · 19/05/2015 15:59

Your DIL is out of the same toxic mould as her now DH, i.e. your brother, was made. Race, colour and creed are all irrelevant here.

Its your own parents poor parenting that has led this sorry situation to arise. He's always been excused, pandered to, excused (the second inclusion of that word is deliberate) and enabled to the hilt. They put him on a pedestal and made him the centre of their universe. Sorry to blame them but they are responsible also here (as well as he himself) for how he has turned out. He hates all of his family, particularly his mother.

All you can do is have as little contact with them as possible as of now. Infact that should have happened with your brother when he shouted at your son.

The only person's happiness you are responsible for is your own. No-one else's.

Weebirdie · 19/05/2015 16:12

At the risk of being flamed for stereotyping, er…yes. High maintenance with very high opinions of themselves.

My cousin married a Lebanese and was then shot dead in front of her children when on the school run about 28 years ago.

I have a large Lebanese family and Ive yet to meet the people you describe.

I will make a point of looking for them though when Im in Beirut at a wedding next month.

foraret · 19/05/2015 16:13

Blimey. I agree that he sounds horrible. You don't have to make an announcement of what's coming, but let them realise in a year's time that they haven't been invited to your house, or to your sister's house.

YellowTulips · 19/05/2015 16:35

I agree with Hissy, with regard to he blew his accommodation with your sister - he can find a hotel.

I'd speak to your parents and sister and say we all stand our ground together now or I'm out of this.

Meerka · 19/05/2015 16:38

there's spoiled princesses and princes in all cultures. It comes with the degree of money and the type of parenting I think.

Though sometimes there are a few people who are born who just seem to be rotten entitled shits even in very nice families. it's not always the parents!

I think though OP all you can do is find your feet here and say No More. Do what youré doing, urge your mother not to put up with it, but in the end she has to find her own backbone. Or else you'll have to step in for her in the firing line if she's so useless at confrontation.

But she's going to have to accept that her son is a no-good for her to allow you to do that.

Original poster
auntyjj · 19/05/2015 16:42

Hissy, that was very helpful thank you. But as Mum wants them to stay I've not got much choice. I took Mum out for something to eat and left them here. She's okay now but I don't want to do anything to stress her out, was a bit worried about her blood pressure and all that and she gets asthma when stressed and was wheezing. I just want her to calm down and she's gone to lay down in her bedroom and left them to it.

I'm going to leave it for now...if they want peace they can have it and when they go, it'll be out of sight and out of mind for another few years. The wife says she's never returning to the UK, so that's a result.

OP posts: