I have been posting about my H since Jan. He assaulted me in Dec in front of my DC. I left in late Jan with my DC and we moved in with my parents 1.5h away, close to my family.
Since then he has offered to sell the family home so we can live together close to my parents, and enrol in an abusers course, and has generally seen the error of his ways. Except of course, he hasn't.
He has decided that he likes the house too much to sell it, and is currently enjoying living alone in the 4-bed detached house that I paid towards with my salary, which he would not allow me access to.
He has decided that the abusers course is 'a load of bollocks' and so refuses to do it. I pinned all of my hopes on this course fixing him, and he won't even try. He knows the alternative is divorce and living away from me and his 3 beautiful DC but it seems that is not enough for him. He will not do the course and he will not sell the family house to buy another.
My immediate family know what he has been like over the years and don't ever want to see him again. Some of my extended family know and are 100% behind me as well.
Last week I told him the solicitor will be in touch to start proceedings and end our marriage. It went like this:
(bland conversation about him wanting to attend a family event with me 
)
Me: I have spoken to solicitor and they will be in touch
Him: To do what?
Me: To end the marriage
Him: There is no end with children involved
Me: Yes. You can see the children anytime you want to.
Him: And you will hide away? We will always see each other. For the rest of our lives. There is no end.
(2 hours later)
Him: Can you let me know the kids half term dates, I'd like to have them stay for a few days if that's ok.
Me: Yes, thats fine.
etc.
So that was it. I told him I want a divorce, and he mustered up 4 sentences in a text. Nothing else. No promising to do the course, even if he did think it was crap, and no promising to sell the house to buy a place together, simply because he loves that house too much to give up.
So my marriage is over, once the exceedingly slow SHL finally serves the papers. And he didn't even fight, get angry, nothing. Just took it in his stride.
It's further proof that he never loved me, but I can't help feeling angry, sad, robbed. I could have had a life with someone else. As it stands, I have 3 young DC and no partner, and just me.
Trying not to feel to sad or worthless. I have had an amazing weekend with family at a wedding, the DC and I loved it, and my extended family are simply amazing. I could have lived in the wedding hotel with them all for ever, we have so much love between us all.
But I don't have a spouse. After 9 years of marriage. I did it all alone, nobody to chitter about what the food was like, or that I liked the brides dress, or whether the DC enjoyed it. I know the whole experience would have been different with him there, and probably not in a good way. But it was lonely, and a bit of a wake-up call.
I'm not even worth selling a house or attending a crappy course for. He would rather let me go than do that for me, after 9 years and 3 children.
I am actually shocked, surprised and hurt at how little I meant to him by the end of our marriage.