I feel like I can't cope with my DP anymore, and I don't know if this is a problem that I have, or that he has.
In a nutshell, on an almost daily basis, I feel messed about by my DP. However, his view is that I get too worried about things and that I am unfair on him.
Here's the sort of things that happen:
- DP will tell me he is travelling abroad with work a few days before doing so and will give me incorrect details. ie flight time, when he is home, potential for the trip to be extended. I have told him many times that him not being clear about these things means my everyday life is uprooted. Ie. if I make plans as a couple for X weekend, then find out last minute he's not here and have to make excuses with friends etc...even after he has apparently 'confirmed' with me. I will say to friends with confidence that DP and I can't make this weekend, for instance, thinking DP has been clear cut on this, and it turns out later that he just neglected to be specific. I am ALWAYS supportive of his job and understand that things change...but I just want to be informed as and when that happens.
- Another regular thing... DP and I will agree to something ie dinner on Friday, drinks with friends, going to visit parents etc. A couple of days before, if something comes up at work or he wants to go out with a friend etc etc, he will deny all knowledge of our conversation, or he will twist it to make it sound like we hadn't actually organised something and finalised it. ie it wasnt a DEFINITE plan. He will usually be apologetic and usually he only wants to change the plan because he's simply forgotten another commitment... it never seems to be malicious, and when we do spend time together, he is generally loving and caring. Frustrating nonetheless.
- When I feel he isn't telling me the whole story (which is often), I can usually tell. Last week I was unwell and he kept asking if I had my period. It was a strange thing to ask and he kept putting it into texts, in the middle of other conversation about whether I was feeling better. It turns out he wanted to ask if I thought I could be pregnant. This is a man who is nearly 30, and I found it incredibly frustrating to have to read into what he was asking in texts, and then clarify with him - are you worried I am pregnant? It often feels like I am in a relationship with someone still at school.
- DP has an excuse for everything. He forgot is a very regular excuse. He seems to forget everything and it's his excuse for all of the above. Another excuse is that he didnt have time to tell me something. No time, and no memory, apparently.
- If I get cross about the above, DP will react by saying I am being unfair, he will become aggressive and shout and say he can't be arsed etc. and put the phone down on me. He will often ignore the issue and he seems to apologise because he knows socially-speaking he probably should, but not because he truly means it, if that makes sense. Truth be told, I'm not sure he understands why I get so frustrated... I think he genuinely thinks how he acts is ok.
Having said all this, DP can be very lovely to me. When we are spending time together, we get on so well and he;'s quite thoughtful. All of this is just driving me a bit crazy, though.
Recently he's made me second-guess myself...Am I in the wrong here? Am I asking too much of him? I've just never been with such a 'difficult' person, in the sense that every conversation and every plan etc seems to cause a big problem with him, and his answer is to blame me by saying I am unfair on him and too stressy. I am stressy BECAUSE of this...it seems to go round in circles.
Is he right that I am bringing this on myself?