Well, a jolly good morning to one and all, tis me, Mouse
I'm ever so sorry that I've not been around, there is lots going on with DD and her ex, prom, 6th form, getting her feeling gorgeous enough to believe in herself that she can go to the ball. Her ex has finally shown his true colours and boy they're dark. 
Nemo is regressing massively at school and I think I know why... I think his 1-1 is giving him far too much rope, far to much 'freedom', not monitoring his behaviour closely enough. In the last 3 school days, he has punched a friend in the face and today, when he was playing a 'game about pets' with another friend, he put his hands around this boy's neck but the school phrased it as 'strangled him'. .
Now, both of these friends are rough and tumble types, Nemo is not. He has also regressed with his toileting, when he's been doing so very well.
It's as if he can't do more than one thing at once, as if it doesn't compute.... he can only digest one piece of info at a time, can only carry out one task with any kind of concentration at a time.
It's as if he's in a world of his own. A bubble. And he's about to go up into yr 2 after the holidays. DH and I are going to draw up a list of what we're not happy with. And we're in the middle of a tribunal too.
My head is spinning, I feel like one of those old tv acts, trying to keep 10 plates spinning all at once, stop them from falling, stop everything from crashing down around me.
I've been an uber shite Bus mate and have supported non of you lately.... I'm ever so sorry. It was my Mum's birthday so I drove all the way to the crem, I may have told you.... it's a long way from where we live... I saw my Dad.
I miss my Mum so much but feel her all around me when I need her. I smell her hair, the same as it smelt on the day she passed in my arms, not even 2 yrs ago. She was a real force of nature and watching DD getting ready for this prom, knowing that she's going to see her ex, very recent ex, with a new person.... I know she'll be like her Mum, oh so like me...
Plaster on her happy face, strong face, stand tall even though her heart will be crumbling inside. She'll push that to one side because she can, because I taught her to.
I taught her how to build the strongest of walls, inpenipertable, no entry, pass at your own risk etc, etc,
I love her so much and she shines.... her heart shines and I don't want that shine to dull, to taint. You know?
And Nemo is hard work. Very emotional. He is not great with change... he likes what he knows and he knows what he likes. We adore him. He's our hero, the entire family know what he has been through...
Gosh, I'm so, so, sorry. Another self-centred post about me and my shite.
I wanted to say that I hadn't read back but I did catch Baby's post and felt extremely humbled. I felt small, in your shadow Baby, I remember that post, those posts, I remember your remorse, your horror at what you'd done and how you felt that you'd let your DD down, big time.
One year on. 365 days later and you drank water, looked after others instead of others holding your hair out of the way as you leant over the toilet bowl.... brushing your teeth and hoping no-one would notice just how tw@ted you were on your DD's birthday.... not YOURS, hers.
I hope I don't sound like an utter sycophant when I say that I am so utterly proud of you. I want to hug you, I want to shout it from the rooftops just how well you've done. Day by day, step by step, bit by bit...... as the song goes.
I think you are one of the strongest Babes that I have ever had the pleasure of meeting on this Bus. You have got this far, all on your own.... with a few tweeks here and there, you've done it.
I love you Baby and all that follow in your footsteps. You should be very, very proud of every battle you've run face first into and come out of the other side. 
xxx
Welcome to those who I've not met yet, I'm sorry to seem so selfish and only commenting on one babe but as I said, things are hard here.
I promise that I'll get to know you lovely new babes better over the next few days.
Welcome to the Bus, you are safe here, you are never going to be judged here, you are amongst those that have been where you are now. We're all here to look after one another.
We are like a wide open family that's grown, and grown over the years, we've travelled far and wide on Gerald, (Our Mythical, Magical Bus Is Full Of Thinkers, Drinkers & Those In Between) and saved many a babe in the process. I love this Bus. I can leave for weeks at a time, utterly sober and in control of my drinking and then jump back on again when an emergency flare goes up!
You are all your own people.... what works for you, won't work for me. What helped Obrigada might not have made me stop and take the control back of MY LIFE!
And it's as simple as that.
THIS IS YOUR LIFE. YOU NEED TO TAKE CONTROL. YOU DECIDE WHEN YOU'RE READY. YOU DECIDE IF YOU'RE READY. AND UNTIL YOU ARE, YOU WILL NEVER, EVER STOP COMPLETELY IF THAT IS YOUR GOAL.
Controlled drinking is where I'm at. I say when, what and how much. It's more social or occasional drinking now.
I don't want to get wasted. I don't want to get shit faced. I don't want to be out of control. NEVER EVER again.
It's taken me many a year to get to where I am but I'm here. I'm safe and I want to support you all the best I can when I can.
This Bus has been a HUGE part of my drinking thinking for years..... I took things apart, bit by bit.
Take good care of yourselves babes, I'll try and check in son... sorry for being so shit! But I do love you all. xxx
Right - meds time, and prayers for some bloomin sleep.
Sorry for any typos, my wrist is still sore :(
Night all xxx