Please give me your reaction to this scenario

[TwirlyShoePoo]

I've nc and I don't want to give any other background at the moment as I just want it know if my feelings on something that happened are out of proportion or not.

At best friends wedding (as bridesmaid). Lovely day. DH gets very drunk in evening (most people tipsy and he's not only v drunk person).

Later in evening DH keeps alluding to fact we will have sex in the hotel room later.

Then keeps on coming over and grabbing me in the crotch (from the front!) on the dance floor. I keep pushing him off hoping no one has seen. He does this around half a dozen times, roughly so it actually hurts a bit.

I go to the hotel room to get away and sober up a bit as feeling really upset and pissed off as I want to have a good time with my friends.

DH comes up, wants to have sex. When I say no way due to his behaviour, calls me a fucking bitch.

I leave and avoid him for most of night. He passes out. In morning can't remember what he's done.

I can give more background info in a bit but I'm interested to people's reaction to this incident on its own.

Thanks.

Honestly? I would ltb. No way would I stand for any of that shit. Have a wank if you're so horny, don't bully your wife.

That's hideous behaviour, open.
I can't imagine how I'd feel if my dp did that to me. I don't know if I could be in a relationship with someone who did that.

He sounds like a bad drunk

Is this a one-off - is it out of character? Not that it excuses it really. If it were my DH I'd be livid and very very upset.

Ok so assuming he's not lying about not remembering, what's his reaction to what he did and how that's made you feel?

Yuck - I'd have found the grabbing inappropriate and disgusting and the swearing would really cross the line. Is he accepting of his behaviour or saying it's untrue? His reaction would have to be apologetic and contrite for me to want to stay in the relationship

I wouldn't consider alcohol an excuse for behaviour like that

He really likes hotel room sex doesn't he? That sounds like a spectacularly awful experience :-(

I've been with DH for over 10 years and he's never grabbed me or groped me, or humiliated me in public, or called me a 'fucking bitch' or swore at me at all, or called me any kind of name at all. Ever.

If he did one of these things, I would be reassessing our relationship. Let alone all of them.

Thats abusive isnt it. Its not the behviour of a loving husband.

Ok to answer some questions -

• No, not a one off in that he's never done the grabbing thing before, but has a history of getting drunk and saying inappropriate/verbally abusive things.

• this happened last autumn. He was sorry at the time but not really as sorry or devastated by behaviour as I would have expected. He was probably most sorry I wouldn't sleep with him for over a month after

I'm struggling. This behaviour basically made me change the way I look at him. There was a series of incidents after this in the run up to Christmas that I think have made me fall out of love with him. But I'm struggling so bad with next steps and with breaking my family apart. Financially it's complicated (and stupid Tories getting in making me more scared to be honest!)

I've confided in one friend about our problems. But I couldn't talk to her about the above incident as I feel very humiliated by it. But then I was wondering if i was over reacting. Seems I'm not

I feel very trapped. He's being very lovely at the moment and my head is a mess

He does remember. He wants you to not remember too. I'm not sure how I'd react tbh as I can imagine my DH ever doing it. He needs educating in respecting your wife. Maybe he should drink less, the twat.

I'd be pissed off with him and prob a bit scared at the time - might have found another room to stay or get taxi home. He'd get a last warning it was not to happen again if it was first time or out of character. I had an ex partner who was a bad drunk. For example, we went to a quiet hotel with his family, he drank everyone's drinks on the table, all the wine and was shouting and singing in the restaurant. It was excruciating. Then he told me to fuck off over and over. I spent the night in his gran's room. In the morning I said it must not happen again as was a deal breaker. He did get drunk again and did embarrassing things (naked in a bar anyone..) but never told me to fuck off again.

I had to re-read the OP, as I assumed it was a DP, presumably of short standing.

But it's not. It's your husband. What's the rest of the story?

what are the "run of other incidents" ?

Drinking less. Yes. Many conversations. He can manage it for a while but there will always be another night where he loses control.two weeks ago I was a 'fucking idiot' (for trying to help him makes a sandwich and not trash the kitchen at 2am)

What a mess

You have nothing to feel humiliated about and he's being nice because he wants a shag.

Sorry took so long to type I've missed key details. It's horrible if it's your husband of ten years.

getting trolleyed does not excuse abuse like that

Sorry, cross-post.

He does remember.

What feijoa said. Word for word.
Sorry OP, that is a horrible experience to have.
X

are these "incidents" getting closer and closer together ?

He does remember...but he wants you to forget.
I'd not be happy either.

Oh, cross post there. Telling you you're a fucking idiot is not being nice. You are married to someone who doesn't like you never mind love or respect you.

I'd be wondering where my best friend had gone. Sounds like you need a very big ultimatum. Not LTB. But you can't put up with this uncertainty over his behaviour.