AIBU to leave DP because he's not very bright

[williaminajetfighter]

It's brutal I know but I just don't think I can stay with DP any longer because I find him quite ignorant and not very bright, and it is causing huge problems in our relationship and communication.

I know DP had a pretty poor education, left school at 15 and so is lacking in traditional educational knowledge. Grammar, spelling are very poor as is his general knowledge of maths, literature etc. His parents did nothing to foster a love of learning.

But then there is 'learned knowledge' since then and he isn't intellectually curious, hasn't really picked up a book since school, barely reads a paper (except the Metro) and thus has a fairly limited worldview. He actually shows disdain for knowledge, IYSWIM.

Finally I just don't think he's very sharp so he doesn't pick things up quickly.

It sounds incredibly mean when I write it all down but it causes huge problems on an everyday basis. For instance things I've faced this weekend in our conversations:

(a) I tried to talk to him about politics but the conversation blew up because he's so uninformed and got angry when I used the word 'libertarian' (really);
(b) I tried to have a conversation with him about household finances (which I lead) but he hates numbers and got cross;

(c) I tried to have a conversation with him about some elements of childcare such as more natural ways of dealing with baby eczema or limiting paracetemol but he thinks whatever I read is nonsense because all parenting should be 'assumed' and
(d) I tried to talk to him about about being a vegetarian and having veggie-only nights for the children but he scoffs at me because he's read nothing about the merits of vegetarianism.

These are just a few things I dealt with over the weekend and a reflection of my day to day. The other day I made a reference to Pip from Great Expectations - a pretty well known tome - and he just looked at me blankly. It sounds trite but it's pretty wearing.

When we got together I found him 'light and fun' and the years after were heavily 'operational' focusing on getting a house and having young children. Now that time has passed and we have more time for each other I am finding that we are just not a meeting of the minds and his ignorance and lack of intellectual curiosity is really offputting. I would like to grow older with someone who I can have engaging conversations with and although he is a fine father and a supportive partner who has never cheated and is really loyal, I just don't think I can be with him.

It sounds so harsh but AIBU? Has anyone else experienced this? From his POV I suppose it's not really fair to stay with him if I think he's not bright!

Thumb an ivory tower keyboard warrior who was so "pc" they'd become racist iyswim. Indian people = noble, oppressed exotic victims. English people = UKIP red faced oppressors. Never tge twain shall meet. They went on a gap year you know ... I couldn't afford a gap year but grew up round Southall/Wembley way, obvs know nothing about English or Indian culture.

I have noticed that keyboard warriors have a tendency to refuse to believe that posters who can express views are anything other than male or white. Or as in the above example, obviously no woman can claim to be a lawyer...

I am quite nerdy and academic. My DP is the total opposite - never went to uni, has a a very practical job etc. However, for me this doesn't matter. I love him to pieces and we have so much fun. Yeah sure, I can't discuss books with him, but there are plenty of friends with whom I can. My common sense is terrible. I lack coordination, I can't use tools, I have no sense of logic. He outperforms me in all of these areas. Who am I to think I am "above" him?

That's just my point of view and my relationship though, just to prove that different brains can attract. It seems to me that in your case it just isn't working. You would not be leaving him because he's "thick" but because you're incompatible. And that's fine.

Goodness, Squizita - aren't you just so lucky that you had him tell you all about it! with his extensive knowledge, y'know. You might never have known otherwise ;)

Astonished by the 'Anglo-Indian' comment.

Fwiw Chandler it was your teenage boy style of argument and lack of grasp of ordinary family life that suggested to me you might be male.

I know loads of female lawyers and employ a couple, so the idea that women can't be lawyers is hilarious.

Twinklestein I'm not interested in engaging with you. Get the message.

and Twinklestein adds another to the list of "diss'ed" people.

Hello - I haven't read the whole thread but in response to the OP: Not having had educational opportunities when growing up is something outside your partner's control, but lack of curiosity - although to what extent this comes about due to existence of these opportunities, who knows - is an entirely different issue. I find intellectual curiosity a huge - if not most important - part of the attraction process; if it's not there, it doesn't matter how physically attractive a man is to me, I simply wouldn't be interested in him as a serious partner.

By the way, you have answered your own question in the penultimate paragraph: "I would like to grow older with someone who...." You know what you need to do, and it's not allowing your children to grow up with a potentially deeply frustrated and resentful mother; once you have "tuned into" the aspects of your partner that irritate/bore the pants off you, I don't think you can "tune out" again.

Bonne chance....

Well, this was an interesting thread I finally got back to.
I had an ex who was always doing cryptic crosswords, owned a thesaurus, liked wine and classical music and was doing a science phD: all these things made him my intellectual superior apparently
He lacked emotional intelligence and he never wanted to see plays, independent films or visit exhibitions or listen to different music.
not with me anyway Now I sound like a scene from Harry met Sally Whilst I adored him, loved his good points and he had many, arrogance not being one of them, it was ultimately doomed.
I am now with someone who shares my interests and finds me amusing but who is absolutely useless in anything practical ever and cannot step up to the plate on the home front, either with housework or parenting.
The presence of children making the shared interests issue null and void at the moment