Entitled men/women. Have you any corkers? I have plenty of examples :-)))

[Rjae]

Pretty lighthearted thread to laugh at some of the crap we have to put up with from the master race. It's nice to know I'm not alone!

H used to complain if I served up his dinner too hot, as in 'and now I've burnt my mouth'. he wouldn't dare say this now, he'd be wearing it

Or 'I was trying to have a shower but it was cold, didn't you hear me calling (no, I was outside) ...why is it cold....the washing machine and dishwasher are going, ....but I was going to have a shower.... I'll try to brush up on my mind reading skills and in the meantime check your fecking self

I could go on of course, but give me your absurdity to laugh at please

pictish I think it's a question of these men seeing their mother as what women should be like, and therefore go on to expect the same from their other halves.

Having said that, my DH's mum did absolutely everything for him growing up...still did all his laundry and made his bed for him at 18 etc...and he is very independent now, but from what I've seen that is the exception rather than the rule.

I hear you and think it's a good point...but I'm still labouring mine. Surely these men have the brain capacity to understand that their wife is not their mother?
Why would an adult woman want to 'mother' an adult man whom she did not give birth to? Why do some men claim to assume she would?

Ok I can accept he might have some preconceptions of what to expect from his wife as the mother to their children, going by his own experiences growing up.
But what makes him think she wants to mother him?

Eight months and three weeks into my pregnancy and not feeling at all well, my ExH decided we were going to look for HIM a new car. Even though it was the last thing I wanted to do he insisted I get into HIS hot and stuffy car we already had (it was a steaming August day), and off we went.

At the second showroom I started having Braxton Hicks type pains, and being young and naive felt very scared thinking I was in labour, as back then we weren't as informed about things as people are now. It was just a false alarm, but I wasn't to know that.

The ExH lost it with me as I had 'shown him up' in the showroom. so he drove us back home at breakneck speed, Terrifying the living daylights out of me, slammed on the brakes outside the house, and told me to 'get out of MY car'!

He then drove off and didn't come back for the rest of the day.

I managed to get myself into the bedroom and just collapsed on the bed staying there alone for the rest of the day.

When he eventually arrived home he was furious to find I hadn't given birth after all, as it proved I had just been faking it at the showroom, and had been making it 'all about you' (me), and that I had completely spoiled his day.

The next day he announced he was going to look for a car 'by himself' (thank goodness), and that because I had spoiled things the day before, I was to make it up to him by treating him withdrawing the money I had in the bank (it was maternity money saved to buy baby things) , because it would 'make him feel better'. And yes, he marched me to the bank, and I duly handed over the cash because I felt so guilty about 'spoiling his day'.

What. A. Bastard.

pictish - While blaming the mothers may be a red herring, they may in some cases bear some responsibility (I can see it from be sides).

I guess it is all about context. So I can only speak for myself. I was born in 1964 , my DM was a SAHM all my life. (As I said above) I never gave a thought to washing, cleaning etc. I really mean that statement "I never gave it a thought", they were not on my radar.
Therefore I certainly did not "expect" my DW to do it (I agree with you, I did not see my girlfriend/wife as a quasi-mother). It just did not occur to me it needed doing. Or more importantly that it was me that would be doing it.

However my DW came from a very male dominated family. If my DW was visiting her parents and one of her brothers arrived. If there was no seats available, MIL would tell my DW to stand up, so her brother could sit down. Even if my DW had our DS or DD on her lap. MIL would also tell DW to go and make her brother a cup of tea . The odd thing the MIL used to do this and yet her daughters always said no.

Now here's the crux, my DW and sisters all married similar guys (equal division of labour types). Her brothers all married "mother" figures.

It took me bloody years to train XH into being a reasonably tidy human being. A lot of the household stuff had truly escaped his attention because his DM did everything as a matter of course. He'd not realised that windowsills get dirty, for instance. He's by no means a sexist pig, but a product of his environment. He does a heck of a lot around the house now though, more than I do in fairness.

pictish no I do agree that these men should realise that it is not up to their DWs/OH's to mother them, you are totally right there.

However yes I do think certain DMs have a share of blame in how they bring their sons up. My DM would not dream of making my DB's bed for him once he learned how to do it himself.

My SIL was having her driveway done.

My OH and I ordered a skip as we were decorating and also clearing out all garden furniture etc.
A neighbour asked if he could put his double gates in the skip.We said yes.

My OH phoned SIL and asked if she would like the gates.She said yes.

My OH took the gates round.
SIL had a tantrum because she didn't need the gates yet and where was she supposed to put them because she had a 3 year old who needed to play in the garden so we should have kept them in our garden till she was ready.
We also had a 3 year old.

Thanks for replying. Very interesting.

So you never saw your mother standing at the sink washing up, loading the washing machine, hanging it up, tidying up, hoovering, wiping round, stripping the bed, cleaning the bathroom, mopping the floor, ironing and folding clothes, cleaning the windows, dusting or any of the host of other things we do to maintain our homes?

Of course you did. You knew fine and well what was involved and always have. It was on your radar because it took place right in front of you.

What was it that made you think your wife would perform the same duties while you opted out?

Genuine ask.

Well, I certainly didn't marry a woman like my mother, thank goodness.

My mother couldn't cook, didn't wash clothes much, certainly was a stranger to a vacuum and children were to be seen and not heard.

So I went into my marriage not being able to do much for myself. My wife came from a complete family who looked after each other. She knew how to cook and taught me. Until our marriage went awry I would often cook the meals, always washed and ironed clothes as much as she did, looked after our girls etc. What I think are normal things for blokes to do as part of a 'partnership'

This one will stick in my mind until the day I die. Second child was born in hospital very quickly so I decided to wait for the standard four hours and come home. We arrived home about six o'clock and DH decided he had to go to bed because he was that tired from an exhausting day. So he waltzes upto bed leaving me with newborn and first born. I went to bed about ten ish and baby woke about twelve, he was too tired to get up to feed her and slept through subsequent feeds. Eventually got up about nine ish and ranted about how I should have stayed in hospital so that he could have had a good nights sleep. I still feel angry, six years later.

I'm not trying to be nippy btw - even if I realise I am being.

My late father: 'Where's my cup of tea, then?' On a loop, my entire childhood.

DH, when DC1 was about 6 weeks old. 'Can't you keep that baby quiet? I'm trying to watch the television.'
I pointed out, rather sharply, that a) I had been trying rather hard to keep the baby quiet all fucking evening and b) it was HIS baby too.
That was the moment when he accepted the cold reality of fatherhood, and he's been great ever since.

pictish - Not sure you read my post I wrote "Therefore I certainly did not "expect" my DW to do it".

Obviously I can only write a brief outline here due to space. So obviously washing pots I did see, but remember my DM was a SAHM even when I left home. She never had an "outside" job. Therefore I guess (again in context 60's, 70's etc) her job was all the stuff you wrote and she did that when we were all out at school/work. Reading that back I am probably about to get a firestorm coming my way .

Ex husband cited the fact that his dinner was on the table when he got home from work as one of the issues within our marriage!!!

I don't think you'll get a firestorm because I think you're being genuine in your responses and your intentions are good. I'm not trying to expose you, although I know it seems like I am.

My mum didn't really have us doing a lot chores when I was growing up, she did most things herself.
When I moved into my first flat I still knew clothes had to be washed and floors hoovered. I still knew that the only way the window sill was going to be less grimy was for me to wipe it.

How could you not know these things?

I'm seriously thinking pictish that it must be a gender thing! however much I hate the thought!

My mother did everything for me. I did everything for DH. DH had to do shopping and housework. DH leaves everything for me to do. I just don't understand

Possibly a mixture or nature and nurture?

Another corker.... I went into labour with my second so was expecting a quicker labour. PILs had DS already. Informed H when contractions were 5 ish minutes apart and he said he was just going to get washed. 45minutes later I go into the bathroom and he is lying daydreaming in the bath

Men seem to be total arses around labour in some cases.

On a good note, I am sure the lovely men outnumber the shits.

As I say, I think blaming the mothers is a red herring. There is a gaping hole in the rational that explains how cosseted sons will become partners who won't pull their weight.

It's not a lack of skill or knowledge because household tasks don't require any.
They do see mess, they do know how a cloth works and they are aware that mess doesn't clean itself.

To claim "I didn't know any better" is total cop out. Sorry, but it is.

Point being, rather than having a pop at DrMorbius what I'm trying in a noodly way to say is...

If your dh doesn't pull his weight and behaves like he shouldn't have to or he doesn't know what to do, don't put it down to his mother doing everything for him. Put it down to him as an adult making the choice to leave all the shitwork to you.

pictish I never gave a thought as to how things were done either. My adoptive mum died when I was 11, my father had a cleaner after that and my stepmother didn't want me to use the kitchen or even hoover.

It was a bit of a learning curve when I finally got out because cleaning etc just did not register on my radar. Im a bit embarassed about how dirty I left places, in retrospect. (sorry about that, if anyone from then is reading).

An ex colleague of mine used to give 2 other people a lift to work. One day she got a speeding ticket and made them pay a share of it. Apparently one of them had been telling her to mind the cameras but she ignored. They all paid up though!!

She also lent me her credit card to buy something for £75. I gave her the money, later found out her dad was paying all her credit card bills.

She was great fun but very spoilt.

But you didn't assume it was someone else's responsibility Meerka?

My first flat was a midden of shite but I knew it was only down to me.

So many blokes I come across intrinsically and fundamentally believe it's not their job while their wives will blame his mother! And I'm not including poor DrMorbius in that - he's heard enough from me for today.

pictish - I should also say I have never lived on my own.

When we started living together my DW just took control and allocated me jobs. From very early on I have done all the cooking .
BTW - we have a cleaner now, so no need to do anything.

I do think your statement "Put it down to him as an adult making the choice to leave all the shitwork to you", is accurate in some cases.

Well, as I stated on another thread, my DP expects me to use up my annual leave through the year for childcare (I am FT, DP is PT) so I don't get a break from work, but DP saves up holidays and so gets a five week break every year. DP does not see this as an issue and thinks I have no right to be put out by it. Entitled enough?

If anyone thinks that being FT means that I get away with less housework.....I do all the ironing, most of the cooking, we split the laundry, and I am responsible for all DIY and decorating. If something breaks or stops working I can expect to have that waiting for me when I come home from work.

DrM your posts are really interesting, if hard to fully understand, I don't think you'll get a firestorm as you've reformed now :-)

I'm as puzzled as pictish really.

Dr M I can't get my head round it, sorry. Are you saying that you were unaware that anyone did these jobs? That these jobs existed? I'm not being funny either but surely you must have noticed dirty clothes turning back into clean clothes in your cupboard, unless you believed in magic you must have been aware there was some sort of process in between? It's quite hard to grasp that you genuinely didn't.

Thanks for putting up with me. Sorry I picked on you.

I was just trying to illustrate that the only person responsible for not pulling their weight is the person not pulling it. Not their mum or anyone else.
A wife is not 'Mum; the sequel'.