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Original poster

Help me feel better - bit of a dating nightmare (played)

175 replies

annemariegutted · 26/04/2015 16:59

Hi all. Let me start by saying this situation might not seem like a huge one, but it's triggered me and as a result I had bad nightmares last night, woke up wringing wet from sweat and feeling very anxious and detached right now. I just want some advice on why someone might possibly behave in such a freaky way because I feel like I just can't trust anyone.

13 months ago my DP left me without me knowing what was going on and he'd moved out when I was away for the weekend (didn't admit then he was having an affair but I found out months later with someone we knew quite well). At the time we were trying for a baby and planning to get married and I was just so shocked I found it hard to cope. I never got that "closure" or a talk to tell me why and it took me a long time to feel relatively ok again.

So fast forward to my current "relationship" as I have been dating someone who I really liked and was growing trust with who I met online. Trust thing was quite up and down and I had a few wobbles but he's always talked it through with me and been fine afterwards. He was patient and understanding that it was hard for me to get close but we just got on like a house on fire.

We took things very slowly, chatted a lot online for a few weeks then met for a drink. We had great chemistry from day one and just felt very familiar. We do talk a lot by email and phone as we live a little distance apart and I work every other weekend.

All going good, a few dates in, not slept together (I wanted to wait) but we'd just had a date Friday night were all we did was cuddle on the sofa kissing and laughing about and it felt very "relationshipy" to me. When he was leaving he kept running back from the car for more kisses. I was away for the weekend with my mates on Saturday and Sunday but he'd said he'd come round tonight (1.5 hour drive) and texted to say he missed me and couldn't stop thinking about me etc.

Then 1am this morning, I got a random text to say he had left Facebook and wanted me to know so I didn't worry, but at the time I got the text I was logged in on my work facebook account and when I checked he was still there...still with 300 friends and I was confused. Logged into my own account and he was gone.

So he blocked me!!!!

I texted him to ask why he'd blocked me and been dishonest about it and he won't reply. I only texted twice, once just after his text at 1am asking WTF he was playing at and one today to say that I wish he'd just been honest and acted a grown up and he has read both messages and responded to neither.

I'm presuming I have been played, or he is dating someone else too, or he was intending to end it with me?

Can anyone just help me get the closure without closure by explaining what a total fucking idiot like this is actually thinking when they do something like this.

I feel violated if that makes sense and really don't want to sink back into that depression I was in before from the ex.

OP posts:
Arrowminta · 30/04/2015 20:38

He's also a liar about the facebook thing.

OP when a guy just cuts you out I think we find it so hurtful that we mistake this feeling for having feelings for them iyswim.

This is your perfect time to get some closure now he has resufaced and move on.

Original poster
annemariegutted · 30/04/2015 20:40

Sorry, I'm all shaking.

So......

For whatever reason, he tried to be smart with the Facebook thing. it was NOT because he was jealous, it was because he didn't want me on his FB page but intended to keep trying to shag me. Then I busted him, and instead of apologising or feeling bad for upsetting me and doing a shit thing...he blames ME for being "childish" and bringing it up?"

OP posts:
pictish · 30/04/2015 20:47

Text back

"Thanks for making me aware of what an utter fanny you really are after only four months of dating. Without that pathetic text you just sent me I could have gone on thinking the best of you for a lot longer. As it is, you have saved me from wasting my time. There is no need to contact me again."

HelenF350 · 30/04/2015 20:50

If you were 'getting on fine' why did he feel the need to delete you?! He sounds like an absolute tool.

Original poster
annemariegutted · 30/04/2015 20:51

I think he is in fact.....an absolute tool....I'm so completely shocked. It's hateful!

OP posts:
somethingmorepositive · 30/04/2015 20:52

I can't get past the "bleating" either. How dismissive. How nasty. And the fuck. And the fucking. Just, ugh. Who does he think he is to be so vicious?

pictish · 30/04/2015 20:53

Please tell me you are not going to continue seeing him after this? He has shown you his hand early doors. Take heed.

HelenF350 · 30/04/2015 20:54

I wouldn't even glorify him with a response. Block his number and ignore. I did online dating for a long time before I met DP and there are some absolute morons around. You do get better at spotting them though!

Original poster
annemariegutted · 30/04/2015 20:58

Of course I won't date him. I'm totally horrified and really upset.

Please tell me he's totally in the wrong right? I feel a bit gaslighted?

OP posts:
CitySnicker · 30/04/2015 21:07

Did he say he was just going to try to shag u?

somethingmorepositive · 30/04/2015 21:08

Absolutely he's trying to gaslight you. You didn't do anything wrong at all. In fact I think you have a guardian angel!

Meerka · 30/04/2015 21:12

He's totally in the wrong.

Some people really hate to be rejected, ie, that you aren't hanging after them begging them to come back.

Blocking him is a terrible personal insult to him. Only he should be able to do that, don't you see.

So really, ofc he is entirely justified in trying to hurt and get back at you.

...... the only reasonable response to him is to text back "wow, lucky escape from you, what a tosspot you are" and then get his number blocked from your phone.

Seriously, there are some deeply disturbed people out there and POF seems inhabited by quite a few of them. he's playing games for his own sake. You must know this in your heart of hearts. It's just shocking to come across the hate and unreasonableness!

he doesn't have your address does he?

Original poster
annemariegutted · 30/04/2015 21:16

He's been to my house!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
annemariegutted · 30/04/2015 21:16

He has my bloody entry code..:(

OP posts:
HelenF350 · 30/04/2015 21:18

Change your entry code if you are worried.

Meerka · 30/04/2015 21:21

It's very unlikely to go to more than insults but yes, if it would make you feel better change your entry code.

He's way more likely to be all bullshit though.

Seriously, the hate that some men show when their egos are bruised (ie, if you don't fall at his feet and beg him) is pathetic and frankly twisted. You sound far too nice for someone like him. Sadly, this one will have to be chalked down to experience.

Original poster
annemariegutted · 30/04/2015 21:21

I will do that now. Geez. Just still can't believe it. It's like the psycho mask fell off.

OP posts:
Charley50 · 30/04/2015 21:30

Tbh it was never a good relationship anyway, you just had some chemistry. Silent treatment, sulking, and jealous rages, all in an alpha male, are all signs of an abusive nature (been there; got the t-shirt) You're best off out of it. I wouldn't bother to respond.

Original poster
annemariegutted · 30/04/2015 22:06

I know I should block him...but I can't resist listening to this mentalist...

He's now saying he deleted his while account and not just me.

I can SEE him on there?!!????

OP posts:
Thenapoleonofcrime · 30/04/2015 22:19

annemarie lucky escape, he sounds horrible in multiple ways, now you know what he would have been like once the mask slipped. I would block him now so you don't know what things he is saying and for goodness sake stop watching him on FB, it's a waste of your time and energy to spend one more second on this not very nice man. Spend your time emailing a friend, chatting online to someone new, looking up great holidays this year, anything!

Original poster
annemariegutted · 30/04/2015 22:22

I promise, I will block and not engage. Have left it on for now through idle curiosity over how someone can actually have the balls to continue the lie.

10000% agree on the lucky escape, just have never dealt with anyone this crazy before

OP posts:
GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 01/05/2015 11:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
annemariegutted · 01/05/2015 11:17

Oh that's so tempting!!!!!!!!

Well, based on last night I've pieced all of this together and this is my theory which I now believe to be true. Doubt any of this had anything to do with me eating dinner with my ex.

theory.....

He's a player. Always has been. Me working away has been perfect for him. Probably been semi-dating numerous girls for a while now or at least texting and flirting with multiples. He has his FB privacy settings so strict that he can't be tagged in anything. Sure fire sign of a player.

He was out that Saturday night and something happened...who knows what but perhaps his male mates made comments on his page that gave the game away or some girl thanked him for a great night. SOMETHING like that happened, so he blocked me there and then so our date on Sunday would not be jeopardized and so he could carry on dating me without me needing to know what was going on, and he sent that text to cover his ass, never imagining I would check.

When I caught him and called him out, he was probably totally embarrassed but too much of a cock to come clean so decided to ignore instead and then act indignant / deny / avoid.

He hasn't blocked me on anything but Facebook, and he continues to text me, because he wants an outside shot of still getting into my pants at some point (I have seen the three or four other women I believe he is interacting and I am quite some way ahead in the attractiveness stakes and I have made him wait months, I know he is desperate to seal the deal).

He's now trying to blame shift onto me and continue his lies because he thinks if he can get me to believe him there's an outside chance of sitll getting laid.

He could not give a crap about me, or any other woman, and his possessiveness...like the blame shifting, temper tantrums and silent treatments are all hallmarks of an abusive mind fucker.

If he contacts me again...I am going to do EXACTLY that with the screenshot...might even post it publicly actually with what a nob he is...

OP posts:
Original poster
annemariegutted · 01/05/2015 11:20

(theory is based on fact that if he HAD done it out of jealousy, he would just say "yes I blocked you, but you were out with your ex...makes sense no?....fact is, me "catching" him was probably convenient in a way because it gets him off the hook doesn't it. We get to "split up" and he gets to pretend it's my fault for falsely accusing him!

ha ha

what a psycho!

OP posts:
OnIlkelyMoorBahtat · 01/05/2015 11:22

No, don't post it publicly, as that will only feed into this narrative that he's constructed about you in order to justify his actions to himself - just send it to him telling him not to contact you again and then block him and don't give him any more head time.