i have messed up big time and i don't think he can forgive me

[hazzie22]

hey all, so i've been seeing a guy for a while and about a month ago he said he loved me and i said it back. we are NOT boyfriend and girlfriend and nobody knows about us.

about a fortnight later i got really really drunk to the point I cannot even remember anything and i woke up in bed with a friend of his. I was mortified and felt like crying there and then as I had no memory of even speaking to him, going back to his house or memory of what happened. I decided not to tell the guy im seeing even though i was devastated.

a week later he found out as his friend had apparantly been bragging about me to his mates. naturally, he went mental and said he was devastated and that we should end things and so on. i told him i couldnt apologise enough and explained what had happened, although i cant blame it on alcohol but i am not exaggerating when i say i remember nothing. he said he felt sick and felt liek crying (this is a massive thing as he is not in touch with his emotions!) and he's devastated cos it's made him realise how much he cares about me but that he can never forget this now and he will always be reminded of it when he sees his friend.

we have continued to speak every day since, from waking up in a morning to going to bed at night, but he wont let me see him face to face as he says that wont help anything right now.

he text me this morning saying last night was the worst night he's had in regards of thinking about it and that no matter how much i say sorry, things will never change.

im absolutely devastated. he hasn't text back since this morning and i dont know what to do. i want to make a go of things with him but i have royally messed it all up. how can i convince him that this can work? in the whole time of seeing him, despite not being exclusive, i have never slept with anyone and he knows this. ive been crying all week and feel sick! i dont want to lose him but i have a feeling he wont be able to see past this now and call it a day.

shall i just leave him to text back and not bother him? he knows exactly how i feel about him and it's cutting me up. i cant take it every day feeling this way but i also cant lose him..

OP if you didn't want sex with this man and were too drunk to consent to sex - or spiked, as it sounds - either way is rape.

You are not involving yourself with decent people, including this 'boyfriend'.

Proudmummy fuck off?

Proudmummy that is sadly the advice I'm pretty sure Senior Mrs Scoop would offer the Op....Also exactly what she'd have said about her dd to the letter....funny that.

Op I second a trip for STI testing is crucial....been there not my finest moment but can virtual hand hold if needed.

Stop checking messages ....devices etc and take a second to breathe....

pride comes before a fall, proudmummy

I wouldn't wish it on you though, I'm better than you that

Going to a sexual health clinic is absolutely fine. They are professional, discreet, non-judgemental (nothing like some of the twats on this thread) and above all kind

Nobody should be frightened of visiting one

Nothing to worry about at all Op. Totally put my mind at rest and they were lovely.

It doesn't work like that. If she was so drunk that she can't remember anything, her consent - IF given - is invalid.

It's not always that simple, though- from the CPS website

Lack of consent may be demonstrated by:
Evidence that by reason of drink, drugs, sleep, age or mental disability the complainant was unaware of what was occurring and/ or incapable of giving valid consent

There's a number of scenarios possible- rape being one, of course- but there's a possibility that consent was given THEN she got drunk later, right. Possible? Entirely.

hazzie something very similar happened to me as a teenager and I've actually found it very difficult to read your thread.

I cried the whole way on the bus home, ended up going to the 'bfs' house, begging for forgiveness, after some time we did kind of keep seeing each other, but the trust/respect was gone and it was never the same.

Tbh, looking back I wish I'd just focused on me and left him to it, getting back together only made things uglier.

It seems like the hardest thing ever right now, but sometimes you have to accept things just aren't meant to be. I wish I had.

Also, please don't listen to the people saying what happened was your fault. I was much like you - the guy was a mutual friend, but what happened really shouldn't have, I think he was ashamed too about how drunk we both were. It definitely taught me not to get so drunk - and I also lost a lot of friends at this time as no one intervened/looked out for me.

anyway now I realise it was a silly teenage relationship, and a couple years after this episode I met my lovely DH to be, so I guess what I'm trying to say Is, don't look at this guy as the be all and end all, and even if you do get back together, make sure he doesn't treat you badly - I'm not sure I'd want to be with someone with friends like that.

proudmummy you never know what teenage girls get up to, I'm sure my mum has no clue something like this happened to me. It has no reflection on the victim. How about making your children proud by not being such a judgemental bitch?

My mum would have said the same about me Proudmummy...

Proudmummy2456 The op was taken advantage of, she was clearly very drunk, legally wasn't in a position to consent to sex, the guy - who at best, used her - is bragging about their 'encounter' ..

and you think the BF is better off without the op? Get real!

Oh & I hope if your daughter ever does get raped/used like this, you have a little more empathy for her!!!

There's a number of scenarios possible- rape being one, of course- but there's a possibility that consent was given THEN she got drunk later, right. Possible? Entirely. OK, so let's say that at 6pm, the op said to the guy 'yes, later I will have sex with you' then ended up in a state that renders it impossible for her to remember anything...what kind of man has sex with a woman who is so inebriated?

Hazzie22, please be a bit kinder to yourself.

If this boy who isn't really your friend actually liked you, he would be sticking up for you when his little maggot friend started bragging about his conquest.

Think of it as a lucky escape. If he ever went out with you, he might have made you miserable for years.

Look after yourself. Eat well, get enough sleep and surround yourself with people and things that make you feel good about yourself.