i have messed up big time and i don't think he can forgive me

[hazzie22]

hey all, so i've been seeing a guy for a while and about a month ago he said he loved me and i said it back. we are NOT boyfriend and girlfriend and nobody knows about us.

about a fortnight later i got really really drunk to the point I cannot even remember anything and i woke up in bed with a friend of his. I was mortified and felt like crying there and then as I had no memory of even speaking to him, going back to his house or memory of what happened. I decided not to tell the guy im seeing even though i was devastated.

a week later he found out as his friend had apparantly been bragging about me to his mates. naturally, he went mental and said he was devastated and that we should end things and so on. i told him i couldnt apologise enough and explained what had happened, although i cant blame it on alcohol but i am not exaggerating when i say i remember nothing. he said he felt sick and felt liek crying (this is a massive thing as he is not in touch with his emotions!) and he's devastated cos it's made him realise how much he cares about me but that he can never forget this now and he will always be reminded of it when he sees his friend.

we have continued to speak every day since, from waking up in a morning to going to bed at night, but he wont let me see him face to face as he says that wont help anything right now.

he text me this morning saying last night was the worst night he's had in regards of thinking about it and that no matter how much i say sorry, things will never change.

im absolutely devastated. he hasn't text back since this morning and i dont know what to do. i want to make a go of things with him but i have royally messed it all up. how can i convince him that this can work? in the whole time of seeing him, despite not being exclusive, i have never slept with anyone and he knows this. ive been crying all week and feel sick! i dont want to lose him but i have a feeling he wont be able to see past this now and call it a day.

shall i just leave him to text back and not bother him? he knows exactly how i feel about him and it's cutting me up. i cant take it every day feeling this way but i also cant lose him..

Something doesn't 'feel right' eh? manofmystery

It's probably your dick impeding your brain function.

What has the OP to gain by lying here?

Its done. Learn from it.

Wow, I wonder what it is that puts women off reporting rape?

Why are you downplaying what the 'friend' did to you? You don't seem to feel angry about that but you are blaming yourself.

I have read the entire thread which is why it doesn't make sense to me. Funny how a similar comment gets made and is ignored, yet a man dares to say the same thing and gets shat upon and insulted. The OP has not answered basic questions, including from you Twinkle, as to whether she even had sex (or not) yet everyone has just piled in saying she was raped when even the OP doesn't feel that she was. FFS. Maybe my dick is impeding my brain function but there is more than one way of looking at this.

I know someone who has been on the receiving end of a false accusation so I am very sensitive to these issues. No accusations are being made here (quite the opposite) but, as others have said (and been ignored), something doesn't add up.

Anyway no more comments from me as being a man I am clearly in the wrong regardless.

put your dummy back in, intl

Pretty sure all the victim blamers were "shat upon" but I have no idea of their sex.

Giving your bf the benefit of doubt. A month ago you both first said I love you so relationship maybe progressing.

Several weeks later he finds out from someone else you have slept with them.

He is going to range from hurt, upset, angry etc. He will be all over the place. He may decided to forgive and forget he may decide he can't. It is early days for him from finding this out.

If OP has been calm about it and just said she was drunk and doesn't remember the idea that she was taken advantage of may not have crossed his mind.

It doesn't make him a bad bloke.

you really think this bloke might be ok, magoria ?

We haven't all said she was raped, intl here's a mix of opinion on this thread.

If you read my first post I said that she may have consented and she may not; but consent at that level of inebriation is at best dodgy and at worst invalid, as you yourself said.

That the OP hasn't answered the question as to whether she's sure that sex took place, does not imply that she's lying.

I'm not missing anything out here - why would I lie :s

I woke up with his shorts and a tshirt on and my underwear on the floor. he has told people we had sex.

I have already answered that I aren't scared about being pregnant as I know I aren't - I don't get why this is being asked lol

he has since txted and is acting pretty normal about things and sending me photos of his night out.

he is mindfucking you

don't you get it, love ?

and if he was your "boyfriend" why are you not there on his "night out" ?

he's with his friends. I wouldn't have any boyfriends or friends boyfriends on a night out with my friends and myself

he's not your boyfriend though is he ?

no

The friend dressed you in his shirt and shorts while you were asleep/unconscious (must have been unconscious)? That is weird.... did he have your bra and panties on ?
Avoid them.

oh do fuck off mummy

go make your children proud

I have done, my daughter certainly wouldn't be out doing this.

don't count on it, smugness isn't any sort of guarantee of fuck-all

Jesus tapdancing Christ, the victim blamers are out tonight, aren't they? OP, I'm sorry, you've been having a really rough time. Neither of these two men are your friends, they're each their own special brand of horrible. Do you have a real friend you can talk to?
I know you don't want to think about the possibility that you might have been raped right now, and you have a perfect right not to, but if you want to talk this through with someone, please give these people a ring: www.rapecrisis.org.uk

I guarantee it

Ok. Let's calm things down a bit.

We don't know what the BF has heard from his 'friend'. If he is hearing that OP enthusiastically consented then I don't think we can blame him for being fucked off with op. He may, actually, be a good guy. But if his pal has been mouthing off to cover his dirty rapist tracks then perhaps we can't blame him for taking that at face value. Although the whole 'secret relationship' thing does of course ring alarm bells.

Op I think you need to give him some space. As pps have said, his choices are his choices. Your priority should be an STI test and seeking support for what happened to you, because it certainly wasn't consenual sex.

Proudmummy I'm really glad your daughter isn't out having her drink spiked and having non-consensual sex. But a little bit of compassion for someone in a difficult situation wouldn't go amiss. Ffs.