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Original poster

Feelings after visit from x

104 replies

fairyfly · 29/04/2004 15:53

I feel so down and lost. My x has just turned up after two months, he looks great, doing well at uni, work experience for a paper, and madly in love with his girlfriend. You can tell how happy he is. I am just not and i really resent him. I am stuck in a rut, have no idea where my life is taking me, have no money and no freedom. Apparently he is going to loads of parties this weekend, i can't even afford a babysitter. I feel that all my life is and has been since he left is the kids and making sure they felt stable. I am scared to death of feeling alone and struggling with all the responsibility. I know it is time to forgive him because i can't hold this hate and pain for him much longer, it doesn't effect him and just is turning me bitter. I want to know what happened to me, where i have gone, while he is laying the foundations for his happy life. I couldn't even look at him in the eye because i new as soon as i saw him i still love him. I also feel very ashamed of that, how can i love someone that has no feelings for me. It is coming up to a year now and i don't feel i have ever moved on from the pain he has caused. I still want to ask him what the hell happened. Why wasn't i good enough for him. I can't imagine how things will work out am i always going to feel upset when i see him. It still makes me feel ill that he is hugging the kids and then going off to sleep with someone else. It doesn't help that i fancy the pants off him. When will i start having good times again, i am tired of being strong and only having myself to rely on. This sounds so needy and pathetic, but i really want someone to take care of me for a while.

OP posts:
aloha · 29/04/2004 19:00

Come on FF! Of course he's laying it on thick with you about how great his life is - it's him playing mind games with you again. So in love with his girlfriend? No, I don't think so. How would she feel if he could see his texts to you. Work experience? Anyone can get it. Doesn't mean a thing. And as MI says, who says he's doing well at Uni? He does. As for laying the foundations for a happy life, only if a happy life is losing his kids which is what he is on the way to doing. You couldn't be happy like that because you are a good person. What kind of person is so happy without their children? Is that really a person who is worthy of your love. Of course you can't turn it off like a tap, but you children love you and you have been fantastic for them. It's not pathetic to want someone to care for you. It's what we all want. And you will have it one day from someone better than him.xxxx

aloha · 29/04/2004 19:01

And Janstar 's words are very, very wise.

Tinker · 29/04/2004 19:03

FF - I'm so sorry you're feeling like this atm. What everyone else has said is so true. I'm nearby, contact me if you want ok. Take care.

Original poster
fairyfly · 29/04/2004 19:04

Thanks aloha, of course you are all right. At the moment he is playing with the kids, for the first time he has agreed to put the little one to bed for me. He came home with a dvd collection for me as a gift. He needs help.

OP posts:
Original poster
fairyfly · 29/04/2004 19:05

Cheers tink

OP posts:
lars · 29/04/2004 19:14

Fairyfly it appears he wants to get into your good books by the sound of things, beware! Perhaps things are not so good for him as he is making out. Larsxx

kiwisbird · 29/04/2004 19:36

I agree, stnad back and pat yourself on the back, for a job well done, your are incredibly brave, friendly and what a sense of humour, your time will come my dear and by god you will get someone that will make x twunt look like the pig he has been, I truly understand the "he's no good for me but I love him" scenario, I emigrated to abandon my unrequited love. Time worked as well as distance, when I saw him 14 mths later, I nearly puked at the thought of being near him, we have a good friendship now. And a gorgeous well adjusted son.
Is there anyone near you who can get out with you for the night on the razz, and maybe someone in a baby sitting circle could help out?
If you were near me I would offer...
The love is ok, it's ok to love someone even after all this, it swivels between anger guilt and self pity too... this is all NORMAL!
You are one of the most adored people on here, take that as your ego food baby

Original poster
fairyfly · 29/04/2004 19:38

That was horrid, i just looked round and he was hugging and kissing the boys, they had big beams on there faces. For one slight second none of this had happened, and i just wanted to hold him.

OP posts:
Original poster
fairyfly · 29/04/2004 19:42

Cheers Kiwi, our posts crossed, i suppose i should try and sort out a babysitting circle, but never been able to work out how i return the favour. Its hard isn't it, i suppose you felt bad even after moving, i wish i could be like other people and look at him and feel ill.

OP posts:
kiwisbird · 29/04/2004 19:48

ff it will happen, shame that stud muffin jmg is too far away, watch your ex when he sees him
HAHA
sorry jmg for using you so mercilessly

popsycal · 29/04/2004 19:56

FF - you know what i think about all this! He is a tw@t and will never change. You are lovely and kind and caring and a fantastic mother to your two goregous boys!!

And as for the jmg comment - don't you all know that she is mine!!!
All mine!!

hahahahahaha (cackles off into the distance with cloak flapping behind sinisterly.....)
:D

jmg1 · 29/04/2004 20:25

My ears are burning

popsycal · 29/04/2004 20:26
Grin
kiwisbird · 29/04/2004 20:30

LOL
bloody men, shit I just blushed too....

jmg1 · 29/04/2004 20:34

kiwi, no problem I don't mind being used mercilessly if it is for a good cause!

kiwisbird · 29/04/2004 20:37

no shortage of good causes
hiccups again

Original poster
fairyfly · 29/04/2004 20:37

It's a bloody good cause

OP posts:
kiwisbird · 29/04/2004 20:43

right then ff, party at yours then LOL

Original poster
fairyfly · 30/04/2004 00:07

shit the bed, i feel like shite just now, it's not good, i am turning into a nut nut, it doesn't help that i went to an extra weight in the gym today and feel like my legs and arms are going to fall off..thanks kiwi hon, your a sweetie xx

OP posts:
nightowl · 30/04/2004 01:38

Hope you're feeling better ff...it must be hard for you having to see him all the time. I think its possibly easier to switch off from it when the ex isnt around anymore. theres not much else i can say that hasnt already been said but you dont deserve this and YOU are the better person. big hugs xx

motherinferior · 30/04/2004 19:10

Been thinking about you, FF. He is really manipulative, and I HATE HIM.

xxxxxxx

Original poster
fairyfly · 30/04/2004 19:16

Thanks thats lovely Mother Inferior, i appreciate your hate xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

OP posts:
aloha · 30/04/2004 19:20

Oooh, extra weight at the gym - you are going to have a very fantastic body and the ability to punch his lights out - scary....but good

Original poster
fairyfly · 30/04/2004 19:23

I seriously can't move today though, i am sitting down like i am nine months pregnant, holding my back. Never mind at least my bottom is firm, his penis will never grow, any amount of excercise.

OP posts:
jmg1 · 30/04/2004 19:42

firm bum for you
small penis for him