Hi ladies,
I posted here a couple of years ago under various names. I am using this one as you might recognise it, but it seems like putting on old clothes which don't suit me any more so I will go back to my usual name hereafter. I had a succession of flowery names before settling on something which is me now. I hope no-one minds me crashing the thread. I have insomnia and I have kind of waffled a bit below in my tiredness.
pony told me you were now in your own place, nini. I know it has taken you a long time to reach that point and you have put up with a lot, so well done for reaching that point
.
The thing which struck me when I left was that leaving is a process, not an event. When you are thinking about leaving, you think that will be it, you will be able to breathe again, you will get your life back. And for me, I read my Lundy and the warnings of things escalating and still thought I would be dealing with a reasonable person who would let me go. 
at my naivety.
I am not going into what happened after I left, looking back it was literally fighting my way out and uncovering/dealing with layer after layer of murk. There was no clean and fresh air, at least not consistently; there was very little of myself left. There were very fundamental questions about who 'myself' was, that had ignored all the red flags waving, and tried to the point of becoming ill to make that marriage work. And that 'myself' does not exist any more and there is no easy and ready-made new self to put in its place.
Lack of an identity, losing the markers of who you thought you were is scary. But it is also an opportunity. We only get one life. Things like being able to eat what you want, to feel comfortable in your own space, to choose your own clothes, that is before you get on to not having more overt abuse, matter.
How do you create a new 'myself'? Small things - listen to music you choose; eat what you choose; discover clothes and styles again; remember things you used to enjoy; find new things to enjoy. Breathe. And draw boundaries to protect those freedoms and your emotional and physical space, with legal help if necessary.
To fi, what about never recovering? I have a range of mental health issues related to my childhood and marriage. I don't think they will quickly go away. Insomnia is one symptom. But the circumstances in which I acknowledge and deal with the issues have changed, albeit slowly. I think, like leaving, recovery is a process and it never stops. I am not the person any more who thinks people are inherently good and if I try just one more thing, it will all be fine. Nor do I want to be hyper vigilant about every situation I find myself in (which to a large extent I still am). I want to be comfortable with myself, know what makes me uncomfortable and be able to say f*ck that for a laugh as diplomatically or forcefully as needed.
Charlotte, I think it has taken me this long to get to the what next stage!
Finally, nini, I think all you can do is hug your DD, acknowledge her distress and say I know, sweetie/honey/whatever term of affection you use, and say the usual Mummy and Daddy both still love you, we don't want to make you sad, but sometimes Mummies and Daddies do live apart and you will help her adjust to it. It is good that she is expressing these emotions though hard to hear. But there is nothing you can say beyond that - it is about helping her navigate a different set of circumstances now.