Top 5 deal breaker qualities in a man

[britneyspearscatsuit]

I don't want a shopping list that's too long but also don't want to pick the wrong man. I was trying to think of what my firm "dealbreakers" were ad honestly don't know.

To hep me form a mental list so I don't get swept up into a romance that doesn't work for me, can anyone tell me what their few ABSOLUTE dealbreaker qualities are in a potential spouse or life partner (I am not talking about just a bit of fun dating).

Right now I can probably think of being faithful as a dealbreaker for me.

unfaithful?

Being controlling. Being unfaithful. Being abusive in any way.

Oh I'm sorry, I phrased it wrong, I suppose I meant more "must have" qualities, but I suppose looking at it from the other side is good too. Maybe you could tell me both? Qualities he MUST have and also MUST NOT?

I genuinely don't know what I should be looking for.

Being a smoker
Being overly religious
Being abusive in an way
Being unfaithful
Not wanting to have kids

Aaah. Things he should be!

Kind
Healthy
Sensible
Funny
Willing to settle down and raise a family

Reading the Daily Mail
Having no interest or skill in sex
Insistence on monogamy
Reluctance to commit to safe sex for open relationship
Being rude to or about my son

That's all outside of being abusive of course. If they had any abusive traits then it's just bin 'em off right away.

Must not have/be:

Bad personal hygiene
Rubbish in bed
Lazy
Selfish
Abusive

Must have/be:

Attractive (to me)
Kind
Loyal
Funny
Strong (emotionally)

Intelligent
Confident
Funny
Similar Vaules
Not Controlling or Jealous

X-post. Must haves:
Solvent
Not necessarily "educated" (I didn't go to uni myself) but must have an ability to have conversations about, you know, real stuff, not just sport or celebrities
Responsible parent (if they have DCs)
Kind hearted. I guess that's a bit vague, but the sort of person who would stop to help if a stranger fell down in the street in front of them
Doesn't take themselves too seriously

Not being abusive
Being able to cook
Not undermining you in front of the children
Being able to stick to a budget
Not being a martyr
Sharing some of my interests
Ability to be independent and not have to spend all the time together

Must be honest
Must see me as equal
Must see my happiness to be at least as important as his
Must be responsible with money
Must see earning a living as vital (no scroungers)

I've dated some reprobates in the past, so when I wanted to settle it was simple.

must have:

own bank account
driving licence
passport
a job

Yeah, I used to have really bad taste in men

Bump that made me laugh...I'm going to read through all of these and then try and make a list of which are MUSTS for me and which are desirable.

A really awful relationship a couple of years ago really knocked the sails out of me and I genuinely don't know what the heck I am looking for anymore.

I'm going to add, must have appropriate relationship with his mother!

It's funny isn't it? I'm not fussed about looks, but...

Any hint of cruelty- to anyone or anything
Dishonest
Ignorant (nb, this isn't the same as uneducated!)
Selfish
Abusive
Humourless
Lazy
Religious/credulous
Poor hygiene...are deal breakers.

And humbert, YES! No mummy issues!

We should make a screening checklist. We could offer a man peer reviewing service....

must be:

honest
kind
Responsible and willing to pull his weight, relationship, housework - anything.
good sense of humour
good to talk to

Must be honest
Must not miserable or angry
Must be faithful
Must ADORE me
Must like sex
Must not be controlling or abusive
Must be tidy (ish) and good with money
Must have a normal (ish) relationship with their mother and family
Must like kids
Must have similar tastes, habits, attitude and outlook to me
Must not mind moving house all the time
Must be very understanding
Must look after himself not in a vain way but in a making the best of yourself way

Sorry ladies i found him and married him! I think i have just realised i love him even more than i previously thought! (and that was a lot)

My dad told me you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince and i did my time with useless frogs!

A really awful relationship a couple of years ago really knocked the sails out of me and I genuinely don't know what the heck I am looking for anymore.

aww Britney that's awful - it's terrible how a bad relationship can really decalibrate your twat-radar.

Must have traits:
Kind (to animals, children, and strangers)
Has essential life-skills like: can manage money, do own washing, able to cook & clean etc.
Interested in things, politics, art, books, sport, whatever! & is active i.e. doesn't just sit on the sofa all the time
Has goals in life (not necessarily ambitious, but perhaps works towards things i.e. "I'm going to save up a deposit for a house", "I'm going to try to get into a position where I can cycle to work every day)
Has a decent & steady job

Traits to avoid:
Mean-spiritedness, selfishness, or unkindness (ie. enjoying others' misfortunes, being inconsiderate to others)
Lack of willingness to commit
Jealousy / controlling behaviour
General fuckwittedness (i.e. always getting behind on rent/ bills, always wearing dirty clothes because can't organise self to do washing before running out of things to wear)
Serious untreated addictions i.e. drinking, drugs, gambling etc

We could offer a man peer reviewing service....

You'd make a bloody fortune I reckon

This is the small stuff that you might notice at the start, see them as warning signs of bigger stuff iyswim - which you won't know about or be treated to, yet.

Lying and thinking it's Ok

Being nasty to or about people who don't deserve it (eg a young waitress/receptionist who gets something wrong)

Using foul language in front of other people's children

Getting angry when you speak to someone else/don't return a call rapidly

Getting annoying/drunk/hassling you with stupid phone calls when you are having a day out without them

Saying you wouldn't have liked them if you had known them before

_

These are the ones I can think of now. May add more later.

Oh and getting angry when you mention your ex, and being irrationally horrible about them, eg calling your last partner (who was fairly normal and the break up was amicable) a stupid tw*t, for no reason.

Jealousy is a big one.

Arrogance, brutishness, substance abuse, cocklodgerhood or anger issues. I can think of others but that's the top 5

Kind
Supportive
Putting family first
Strong work ethic
Tall and gorgeous!

Must not have/be

Tattoos
Smoker
Drinker
Gambler
Abusive
Jealous
Lazy -I'd expect any partner to work along side me to share the burden

Must be/have

Job
Sense of humour
Kindness
Be good with children
Sharing

We could offer a man peer reviewing service

Ha ha! Seriously...I'd sign up for that!

Right now I do not get what is going on in my head and just feel super confused. After my total twat on an ex ruined my life I am just a bit lost. I miss loving and being loved but can't seem to get things going properly.

I did all the obvious things after he left. Moved, chucked myself into work, got a new amazing haircut, lost 35lbs, new sexy wardrobe, went on lots of holidays, really living an adventure and enjoying life and it's all great but I am missing having a BF. It's been two years really. I did date someone lovely for a few months but we were just not a match and it was an effort to get on sometimes.

Right now I look the best I have ever looked, and I am getting lots of male attention and requests for dates. Both from online dating and from men I know, friends and colleagues. Not something I have ever experienced before!!!!!!

BUT the only one I am interested in is kind of a dick. I haven't even met him yet (sounds mad but there are reasons why we haven't met) and he is really a bit of a headfuck. All my friends (not met him either obviously) think he is kind of a dick and to forget him and for whatever reason I am still interested.

Not sure here if being REALLY screwed over makes you drawn to a bad boy? I certainly have never been attracted to one before! Not been sure he IS a badboy but I do feel like his behavior is confusing and probably not good for me but for whatever reason I keep going back to chatting with this man even though perfectly nice and normal men are better bets.

Funnily, the ex was wonderful, everyone bloody loved him and he turned out to be Satan's little brother after years of having everyone fooled.

Maybe i am subconsciously seeking the opposite or maybe desperate for approval or love? No flipping idea but my ex fitted every list and checked every box and he turned out to be the worst human being imaginable and I never even knew it despite him laying next to me night after night for years.

Anyway, blathering...!!!