Top 5 deal breaker qualities in a man

[britneyspearscatsuit]

I don't want a shopping list that's too long but also don't want to pick the wrong man. I was trying to think of what my firm "dealbreakers" were ad honestly don't know.

To hep me form a mental list so I don't get swept up into a romance that doesn't work for me, can anyone tell me what their few ABSOLUTE dealbreaker qualities are in a potential spouse or life partner (I am not talking about just a bit of fun dating).

Right now I can probably think of being faithful as a dealbreaker for me.

Meaning maybe I should have this list in mind but allow myself a rebound or two with someone not remotely suitable. As long as I don't let myself be mistreated or get too close?

Must haves

Sense of humour
kind
Intelligent/engaged/creative
Similar values (hardworking, similar attitude to things like gay marriage/abortion/poverty etc)
Likes me just the way I am

Must not haves

Mean/tight
Jealous/controlling
Rude to waitresses etc
Thinks he is superior to me
Dysfunctional family that he thinks are normal

Must

Be funny and find me funny
Be kind to strangers/children
Be intelligent and thoughtful
Be sexually attractive to me
Be calm

Must not

Be racist/homophobic/sexist
Be rude to strangers, especially those who are "serving" him
Lie
Be unfaithful
Be emotionally or physically abusive

Just thought of other Must not

Aggressive driver

I wouldn't recommend it, I still ended up being mistreated and I still wasted a month of my life with someone who made me feel like crap.

Not being abusive, aggressive and controlling are a basic for me. I also couldn't tolerate stingyness, poor bodily hygene and laziness. Smoking, heavy drinking and swearing a lot would also bother me. As would rudeness, like being rude to shop assistants, waitresses etc, I find that the biggest turn off of all in a man.

Yes

Can pay for self
Reasonably competent in bed
Good general knowledge
Comes up with ideas for dates
Fond of cats

No

Jobless/chasing the artistic dream/endlessly setting up businesses that fail
Drinks
Doesn't wash enough
Shows off

I'm firmly taking as read no abuse or no adultery, because I'm shocked at how low some MNers are setting the bar.

Good thread! I hope the red flag nasty man gets dumped because of it, Britney. You sound like you deserve so much better than him.

I want someone who is:
*funny, with a keen sense of humour
*emotionally intelligent and kind
*reliable without being boring
*broadly similarish to me in terms of political and social views, within reason
*sexually attractive (to me) and finds me sexually attractive
*capable of intimacy and love (with me, obv)
*likes family life and my children
*tall and looks good in a suit would be a bonus
*good at housework
*interested in life, work, friends, culture, nice food, bikes.

(I wonder if the v attractive man in the v attractive red camper van who I saw at the weekend and has an allotment near mine fits this bill... He was certainly tall and would have looked good in a suit. Luckily he wasn't' wearing one at the allotment. I also wonder if he is single. And if he was smiling generally because a smiley person or if he was smiling specifically at me...)

I don't want someone who:
*is constantly miserable and angry
*never apologises for mistakes
*is frequently clingy and needy, smothering
*has an alcohol or drug problem
*is controlling
*has a horrendous family and can't detach from them healthily

Another one: not a sulker.

Is no one going to say it? Deal breakers :
Micropenis
Bad table manners
Insecure
Stupid
Boring

Britney, I suggest you check out the website, ' Baggage Reclaimed', tons of great advice on there about how to avoid twats and why you might be feeling the way you do.

www.baggagereclaim.co.uk

Ideally should haves

• similar values to me
• intelligent, funny and charming
• tall and attractive
• great with children
• educated and successful

Deal breakers

• stoners / alcoholics
• no ambition
• unfaithful
• abusive
• not into me enough

Must be

kind
Sensitive
Compassionate
Passionate
Handsome to me
Wear good shoes
Like animals and kids
Have normal parents
Understand mental illness
Reasonably clever
Doesn't watch porn
Isn't into going out drinking until early hours
Good in bed
Generous
A good communicator
Good work ethic
Driver
Respectful

And of course not abusive

Must be:
Kind
Fun to be with
Not too serious
A good listener/ thoughtful
Interested/ interesting

Deal breakers:
Laziness
Bitchiness/equivalent
Not being financially responsible
Rude
Immature/spoilt behaviour

Showstoppers for me are

Tightwaddery = doesn't get past the 1st post
Any bad language for ages - after 1st date then I don't mind the odd bollox or FCUK for a valid reason like stubbing toe etc
Self- obsession
Unkindness to anyone including service folk (so not nice, that)
laziness , good bit of hard work never harmed anyone
Scruffiness.
Everything else is bearable after all if they can put up with me they can't be all bad.

Gsoh
Smell nice
Generous
Kind
Ambitious

Must NOT be a mummy's boy

My deal breakers would be those who are abusive/controlling, don't like kids, are arragant in any way, are doing drugs/drinking a lot and those who are lazy

manipulative
controlling
extremely religious
abusive
addictive personality I.e alcoholism

Must haves:

Intelligent
Kind
Open minded
A good provider
Similar family values

I am about to go to bed, Dh leaves for work at 5.30 am and weirdly always wakes when I get in bed. He tells me he loves me and cuddles me instead of pondering why I always fuck up his night's sleep:) now that's a real man

What do I need:
Optimist
Emotionally resilient and intellingent
Patient
Funny
Intelligent

No
Sulkers
Control freaks
Egocentric myopic dicks
Racist/sexist...
Lazy arses

5 x MUST BE

• Kind and loyal
• Able to be silly
• A good sexual chemistry between us
• Useful
• Emotionally calm (I am a bit of a rollercoaster at times)

5 x MUST NOT

• Lie
• Be aggressive/patronising/controlling
• Be unfaithful
• Be lazy/smelly/apathetic
• Be overly clingy/jealous (committed is good, smothering is bad - I like independence)

I realised about halfway through that I was just trying to find words to describe my DH! Guess that's a good sign.

Let's you be yourself
Good sense of humour
Not a Tory. Can't stand Tories, sorry
Good in bed.
None smoker.