how to respond to this with dignity!

[matroyshka]

I've been seeing a guy for a couple of months and he's texted me basically saying he's not sure about us and needs to think about things (very manly of him to do it by text message...). I really like him but he's been a bit off lately so am not totally surprised by him saying this. Not really sure how to respond, I have already told him I like him but don't want end up losing my dignity if he's already decided it's over. On the other hand, I don't want to tell him where to go as I would like to stay friends (ok, what I really want is for him to decide he's totally in love with me!).

I don't want to look like I'm grateful for any crumbs he throws me, so am trying to work out a reply saying I don't want to be with someone who's not sure about me. Would that be the right approach to take? Thanks for any suggestions about how to word it, my head's a bit of a mess this morning.

How about "I understand" and that's it. And move on with your own life.

I'm sorry, but he has already decided it's over. He's just too much of a coward to be completely direct about it.

blueberry has a great reply. That's all you need to say and then move on.

Flipping cheek of him.

Sorry to be harsh but is saying "I'm not sure about us" a nice way of saying, I'm no longer interested?

I'd try and respond in a way that leaves the door open for him but also makes it clear that you're not hanging around for him to make up his mind.

"That's a shame; I was having fun. Let me know what you decide. Matroyshka x".

And then get back on that horse and find someone who is sure about being with you.

I don't think he's about to fall head over heels in love with you sadly and I equally don't think staying friends would be at all good for you or your self esteem.
You're quite right in wanting to retain your dignity, so I would say something like...

"Ok I understand. I wish you well in the future."

If he comes back with something alluding to him not having ended things but just needing time to think or whatever, reply with...

"I don't think you understand. I'm not going to hang about waiting for you decide whether or not you want me! I'm leaving it there. Goodbye."

blueberry excellent reply.

How about 'who is this?'

Ha! I vote for Alternative's response!

Alternative or Blueberry have perfect answers.

Sorry to be harsh but he is already over it. Move on fast and find someone lovely!

I like pictish's first answer.

If he's not sure about you then he's not going to decide next week that he's in love with you. Send him a reply like 'ok I understand, take care' which leaves the door open for him to come grovelling back if he decides he has made a mistake but also retains your dignity if he doesn't.

I'm not sure about us often means I want to shop around.

I think either saying something like "that's fine, let's call it a day" would be best.

You don't want him to think you're going to hang around eagerly awaiting his decision, do you?

Yeah just send something like "Okay, cheers for letting me know." and leave it there. Don't be running for him when/if he comes back though - it means whoever else he is into just now hasn't worked out.

I agree...I'm not sure about us means either...
a) I'm not into it but I'm too much of a coward to say so.
b) I'd like to shop around a bit while keeping you on the back burner to come back to, in case there's nothing better on offer.

Either way - no.

Blueberry answer is actual brilliance.

I like other posters answer too.

although, if you want to stay in touch and become friends, saying take care or wishing them well does seem like you don't want to stay in contact.

I wouldn't reply. There's a minimum of respect that you should expect and it isn't displayed here.

In the interest of balance, you've only been the seeing the guy a couple of months, so if he is shopping around as some have suggested that's kind of normal and ok. The only thing he could have done better is tell you to your face or phone you I guess but who wants that's conversation. Its not noble but that's men for you, my ex popped a note through my front door to finish it after nearly five years!

I would reply, "I was having a few doubts myself so it's a relief, thanks".

If you want to potentially reel him back him the best thing you can do is really what blueberry said - it's succinct and unemotional. Men get that. And he'll appreciate it and think more of you either way for giving a straight unconditional response. It leaves it safe for him to reply/contact you again which is what you actually want.

Say 'Let's put things on hold for a few months. See other people and if in a few months time we're both single and want to give things a go we can see how we feel.'

If he really liked you he wouldn't write this he would be chasing you and making a real effort to impress you.
Chalk it up to a nice fling and move on.
And confused whaaaat that's so rude!!!

I am with blueberry too. Perfectly succinct and to the point. He has worded his let-down carefully and diplomatically, but he is still dumping you what ever way you look at it. Don't make the mistake of thinking there is some sort of discussion/debate to be had over it - he will just be going through the motions. I also wouldn't bother going in with a big speech about how you don't want to be with someone who isn't sure about you, either. That assumes you have the ball in your court, which you don't.

Just send him a one sentence response along the lines of 'Fair enough, thanks for a nice few weeks. Bye.'

And then leave it. I don't think you need to phrase it in a way that leaves the door open - if he wants to come back in he's perfectly capable of knocking.

I know Blarblarblar to be fair he did me a massive favour. Met the one now

"who is this" ....i agree just something like, "ok fair enough, wish you well " x