how to respond to this with dignity!

[matroyshka]

I've been seeing a guy for a couple of months and he's texted me basically saying he's not sure about us and needs to think about things (very manly of him to do it by text message...). I really like him but he's been a bit off lately so am not totally surprised by him saying this. Not really sure how to respond, I have already told him I like him but don't want end up losing my dignity if he's already decided it's over. On the other hand, I don't want to tell him where to go as I would like to stay friends (ok, what I really want is for him to decide he's totally in love with me!).

I don't want to look like I'm grateful for any crumbs he throws me, so am trying to work out a reply saying I don't want to be with someone who's not sure about me. Would that be the right approach to take? Thanks for any suggestions about how to word it, my head's a bit of a mess this morning.

In that case something like : "I think you've been really honest which is a really good thing. I'm just enjoying the time we spend together now and wasn't really thinking further ahead than that but you asked the question so I answered it "

I'm a man, OP, in case it matters/helps!

I think you're in danger of massively over-thinking this. If I understand you correctly you would like more from him but are pissed off at the thought of being kept hanging on whilst he decides if he wants more. I don't blame you. I can't believe he would be so insensitive as to actually say that to you (rather than deciding in the privacy of his head whether he thought you had a future or not). There's something very arrogant about saying what he did.

I know you've had lots of suggestions of how to word a response. To be honest, I wouldn't spend any time trying to analyse all the possible responses, I'm sure he won't be thinking like this at all.

Just keep it short and to the point (and say what you mean). If I were you I'd respond with something short like: "Ok, this isn't working for me either. Wish you well."

confused - I've lent people books etc that I've only been seeing for a few months and if want them back

Fair do's

'I see''

Yes, I like that.

In view of your update OP, I wouldn't bother replying, there's no point.

'I understand' is a lovely response. It's kind and uncomplicated.

But the problem with "I see" is that it sort of invites a response and a further exchange on it. It leaves things unfinished whereas I think OP should try and take control.

I'm in favour of just clearly saying what you mean. I think what he has done is rubbish so I'd keep it short, polite and make it clear that you aren't going to be dicked about. And don't assume he will care about trying to analyse your text!

Then she should forget the guy, forget trying to stay friends or stay in contact. Then she can say what she really wanted to say, "bugger off then"

I would just thank you for letting me know. It was fun. I hope you find what you are looking for. Goodbye.

Then block contact.

OP doesn't want to split with him though, remember. So a nice succinct response and giving the guy of two months or so a bit of headspace may just be the right thing to do, to make the relationship ultimately stronger. It just shows weakness and insecurity ironically to try and grapple for the last word or upper hand.

I woukdn't say " I understand". It almost gives credence to his rude behaviour and sounds far too empathetic and hopeful

I agree with this. Which is why 'who is this?' works as it shows you have a playful sense of humour or you are in more demand that he realised and had already deleted his number.

alternative - or thirdly, it makes him think she's a complete headcase who is completely eaten up with the whole situation...

He ain't going to get the "playful" sense of humour in such a daft text, I'd have thought!

'bye then.
Smiley face.
Hand-wavey emoticon, if compatible on both phones.

Actually, no response is probably better.

www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=I+see

How about:

'Think away then. But it's probably best we leave it there (I'm not keen on being dithered over). Best wishes though.'

'If you need to think about then it's not working out, I have had my doubts too, but it was nice to meet you, bye'

'about it'

Ok, I understand, it's so hard to predict if we have a future isn't it?! I'm just enjoying the now but completely understand where you're coming from. Best wishes

I think something breezy like that makes you sound interested in him but cool enough to get that he may be having doubts (which is fine, he's allowed to!) it doesn't sound sulky or upset and will probably make him think what cool girl am I letting go?!

That's fine. Bye!

Then if he comes back with another message ignore ignore ignore.

Like that one namechange

Go with silence. It speaks loudly.

Get on with your life in the mean time. Don't put up with being messed about - you draw the line.

How about the old favourite "Ok. Fair enough".

Which as any native Brit knows full well actually means "I don't think you are being at all fair, but I'll be dammed if I'm going to let it bother me enough to complain".

alternative - or thirdly, it makes him think she's a complete headcase who is completely eaten up with the whole situation...

It does? how so?

I'm not really into game playing - I think I'd go with "Thanks for being honest. I think if you fundamentally have fun with each other then you develop things in common in time but I appreciate if you feel we aren't a good fit then it doesn't really matter. Take care."

Or something along those lines.