how to respond to this with dignity!

[matroyshka]

I've been seeing a guy for a couple of months and he's texted me basically saying he's not sure about us and needs to think about things (very manly of him to do it by text message...). I really like him but he's been a bit off lately so am not totally surprised by him saying this. Not really sure how to respond, I have already told him I like him but don't want end up losing my dignity if he's already decided it's over. On the other hand, I don't want to tell him where to go as I would like to stay friends (ok, what I really want is for him to decide he's totally in love with me!).

I don't want to look like I'm grateful for any crumbs he throws me, so am trying to work out a reply saying I don't want to be with someone who's not sure about me. Would that be the right approach to take? Thanks for any suggestions about how to word it, my head's a bit of a mess this morning.

I suspect if you don't reply you will probably get a booty call at some point in the future. This open ended stuff tends to lead to the IME.

I think it's best if you just leave him to it to be honest, he obviously isn't feeling it. How about ... 'Thats a shame but no harm done xx'. That sort of reply leaves things friendly but is accepting it's over.

Sebmummy...i like it :)

alternative - because it's odd game-playing. He won't see it as a playful sense of humour. And I doubt he'll see it as a signal that she's busy with lots of other men.

She's told him she likes him and wants more. His (very silly) response was: I need to think more about it, I'm not sure.

Just be honest - why the game-playing?

I like sebsmummy's.

DH phoned at lunchtime so I took the liberty of discussing with him

He advised "no worries" which he reliably informed me is a passive aggressive way of saying "fuck off, you twat" which any male over the age of 13 should recognise

You are all so lovely responding to my post, thank you! Laughing so much Gobbolino

He won't see it as a playful sense of humour. And I doubt he'll see it as a signal that she's busy with lots of other men.

Maybe we have different types of male friends. All mine would laugh at the response. I think I prefer my type to be honest.

There's always 'That's nice' which as everyone knows means 'fuck off'.

I like "no worries".

How about "woddeva"

Or "lolz".

That'll really freak him out as he'll think he has to phone you to explain as you're Just. Not. Getting. It.

No worries is good.

DO NOT text 'who is this?'. It doesn't sound nonchalant, it sounds desperate. Of course she knows who it is.

"thanks for the shitz and gigglez"

The 'ok, no worries' answers are the ones I would go for. I definitely wouldn't not say anything at all, as it does come across as through you are upset imo.

Then just leave it and focus on other things. I would expect a big effort if indeed he does try to start things up again.

I like no worries.

Or OK cool, can you send me your fit mate Dave's number please. - do north really send this!

Haha, DuckFace, hilarious!
So- update - I replied saying it was a shame, but if he wasn't sure, then it was better to leave it. I feel a bit better actually, as at least I still have a bit of dignity!

Thanks again everyone, I would have written something stupid this morning without MN help!

Gobbolino - ha! Wish I'd done your 'lolz'. That would confuse the idiot!

Well done, you handled it well, dignity in tact.

Nice, dignified response. And- technically speaking- you dumped him.

Win-win.

Just don't drink two bottles of Chardonnay this eve and ring him begging him to reconsider!

That had style. I'm impressed. Now block him!

Actually, just remembering that one of my friends (honestly, it wasn't me!) got a similar text one day whilst we were at work

She wasn't too bothered but we decided to have some fun (our iffy e was very boring!) and texted back "what do you mean? I'm coming to your office right now to discuss this!"

The bloke had been introduced to her by the DH of another friend who worked with him. He said the guy was so freaked out he called security and said they weren't to let friend in! The DH kept us updated by text message and we spent a happy afternoon laughing at the twunt!

Disclaimer: I completely understand that no one is obliged to go out with anyone they don't want but I hate the "not sure" conversations. It's designed to keep options open and I di t think that's fair

The problem with texts is that they can be completely misunderstood. Something quite innocuous can come off as sarky, etc etc. passive aggressive stuff never comes across well, so I'd leave that well alone.

If it were me, I'd play it straight. I'd say "the problem with texts is that they sometimes don't really get across what you're trying to say in the way that you're trying to say it. I'd rather talk than text. if you want to talk about it, let's meet up or just give me a call. If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine too. Let me know either way".

Good work OP, nicely handled.

Well done

He was a dick for making you spell out that you like him and see a future, if he did not feel the same.

Making you put your cards onthe table first.

If he txts back, please play it very cool (and always wait a few hours before responding!)

BabyGanoush, yes, I'd not thought of it like that but it was a bit cruel if he knew he wasn't sure at that point.

I've not heard from him at all, not sure if I expected to, feeling quite sad about it really. Not sure what I expect him to say though but I just miss him...

Thanks again for your help everyone!x

Give it time x