Friend is a 'Topper' and rude with it.

[OodlesofBoodles]

I need to extricate myself from a friend, I've only known her a few years, most of our communication is on social media where she's fine but when we get together she's rude, interupts people all the time. She's clever and had a really good career before having children which she never lets anyone forget. Whatever anyone talks about, has done, enjoys or even mentions she 'tops' it. Shes been there, done that and bought the diamanté encrusted r shirt.

I plan to avoid all future real life interaction and will have to tell our mutual friend why. Any ideas how I can extricate myself from her or call her on her behaviour without creating mayhem?

I would like to know also how to deal with toppers, I work with one, she is not married and does not have children but will still try and top everyone by talking about a past relationship that lasted 2 years, a time in her life when she was engaged and hundreds of stories about her friends children.

If a group of us are talking about labour, she will talk in detail about her friends labour experiences. There is no topic she does not have an opinion on

Let's hope there's an expert out there who can help us both. I'm finding it incredibly stressful.

I'd embellish something ridiculous, then sit back in amusement while she tops it.

Talk about how your great uncle was Shakespeare, or your connection to the queen or something utterly ridiculous.

On a serious note, she sounds socially anxious/insecure....

DP calls this kind of person a "Two Shits". As in, if you say you've had one they'll inevitably have had two [w.

There's no cure. Just remove them from your life and move on.

My MILi is one of these, I didn't know here was a name for them!

Her most hilarious are telling me that she worked at x when her children were babies, when DH remembers her starting work there when he was 13. (She was trying to demonstrate how she worked OOH full time compared to my part time and raised 2 not 1 child).

And telling me she had ran a marathon when she was a young woman when I was training for a half marathon. She has in fact only ever done 5k race for life.

I thought these people were called Two Sheds but I can't remember why.

I've heard them called black catters. If you have a black cat, they've got a blacker one!

It stems from major insecurity, I think. It's very tedious.

Do you even need to explain?

Mil is one. When I was expecting dd she told me how she never breastfed and that she could help me out more if I didn't. When I did actually bf dd she told me all about her by own bf experiences. Now anything dcs do such as sports, baking, art, drama, piano and even embroidery, she excelled at as a young woman. Even saying how she did synchronised swimming to quite a high level which left dh unable to breathe with laughter. We all just nodd now.

Best one from Mil was she was a chef. Truth is she was a dinner lady in a school. It is sad but also quite funny.

I know one of these. All you can do is keep your distance ime. Stop any interaction with her - do the mumsnet smile and nod if you see her, no more - and tell mutual friend why.

But any way you try to tackle the topper will be ugly.

Yes I do think it stems from major insecurity. And oh yes it's stressful!

I have just come across a good come-back to a topper, in the latest Nora Roberts novel.

She describes the perfect Southern put-down, when someone boasts about something - it's this:

"I was second runner-up in the Miss Tennessee beauty pageant, you know!!"

"Bless your heart."

A colleague describes these people as "Elevenerifes" - as in if you've been to Tenerife, they've gone one better... I think I prefer "two shits"

'Bless your heart'

I think my favourite was a work-friend who told us all over drinks one night that she'd been asked to represent GB at the 2012 Olympics. At skiing.

I have no tips, I'm afraid. Just the smug superiority that comes with knowing there is always a bigger twat than me in the room!

I don't know why I do this but whenever I'm with one of these people I always say "i walked from one end of Russia to the other, on my own, when I was 16"

May god forgive me for telling such a bare faced lie.

My favourite saying for these people is that if you've got an elephant she's got a bag big enough to put it in!! Always makes me laugh when I encounter these people I generally encourage them for my own amusement but I do like the "oh bless you dear" put down a lot

The best term I heard was 'elevenerife, if you've been to Tenerife they've been to elevenerife!'

Well you could always go for the full on response:
"Jesus Ethel, you're so full of shit I'm surprised you don't squeak when you walk."

Why the need to "explain" to your mutual friend? Surely she knows what Ethel is like? Just say "I find her constant bullshittery really draining."

I have a friend who does this. But normally it involved her brother. I got a car, her brother got a better one. My friend got the same her, but Topper got it first.

Her step niece has the same first and middle name as DD, but her niece is older and name that first.

The thing is most of what she says isn't actually bullshit, she's had a fairly interesting life. It's the constant interuptions to give her opinion or anecdote and not letting other people finish also the thinking she's the actual oracle on any given subject. Think I might just have to punch her.

Try and interrupt her with really inane comments.

Well, don't punch her. What will actually affect her more is bored indifference to her stories. In general, just avoid her - it's less hassle. And when you are forced to interact with her, just try not give a shit (...or two )

Oh god I think I do this and have to really stop myself. If someone is talking about something my brain might make a link and then I share my experience wg df went to Spain and shares then I might say Oooh yes we went there xy and z were lovely. I don't think I interrupt It's more that I hate silences where people are struggling for conversation.... will try to be better