Friend is a 'Topper' and rude with it.

[OodlesofBoodles]

I need to extricate myself from a friend, I've only known her a few years, most of our communication is on social media where she's fine but when we get together she's rude, interupts people all the time. She's clever and had a really good career before having children which she never lets anyone forget. Whatever anyone talks about, has done, enjoys or even mentions she 'tops' it. Shes been there, done that and bought the diamanté encrusted r shirt.

I plan to avoid all future real life interaction and will have to tell our mutual friend why. Any ideas how I can extricate myself from her or call her on her behaviour without creating mayhem?

I am joining the naughty bench, although by the sound of it I won't be getting a word in edgewise I too think I am just keeping the conversation going or just giving useful information... I even do it on here sometimes I am comforted to find I am in good company though.

I had a friend like this, if I called her and said eeek dd is in hosp with cellulitis, she would say oh yes tarquin had that, in his eye, he nearly died, the doctor said it was the worst case he had ever seen, etc etc.
She was kind and sweet with it but it was still fucking annoying.

For the people who do this: when you want to 'join in', and are tempted to describe your own experience, ask a question instead.

My 'topper' is my sister. This is one of the many reasons I'm as good as NC with her, I just don't have the inclination to waste time listening to it.

When I do have to listen to her I tend to react as little as possible. I refuse to pretend to be impressed and jealous (which is the reaction she's hoping for) when I'm not. It infuriates her no end.

"Did you have the barman with the crazy hair" isn't one-upmanship.

It's really hard to explain this on the internet!

I work with one of these- but like SunnyBaudelaire says, instead of having everything better she's always had everything a million times worse- so if you've had your purse knicked, she's had her whole house burgled. If you've had a minor fender bender, she's had a major car accident. She's had every kind of illness and affliction that anyone at work has had. Had to laugh when a colleague was telling us about her husband's vasectomy and the "topper" piped up "oh yes, well when I had MY vasectomy..."

My father is a bit like this.

You can tell him something (in the general course of conversation) that he has no possible way of knowing, or any reason to know, and he will nod knowledgably, and say, "Yes, that's right."

Just interrupting here to say that I know more toppers than any of you.

no no my topper is toppier than your topper

Oooh I think I might know one of your toppers - is she the really mad one with the striped hair and the clown face? Or are you talking about the one with all the jewellery and the fake Pandora? Or the snobby one who never buys cheap biscuits?

My mother is a sort of topper. during a recent phone all, I mentioned that dh had done some painting, and suddenly her house needs painting also. Last night, she managed to have the whole conversation without asking once after her grandsons and what we had all been up to. Not quite sure whether that fits with a the topper conversation, but during the phone all, I recalled this thread. Also, she always mentions how well other people are doing. My sister and I always wanted to scream, but what about how well we are doing - we're not bothered about the neighbours second cousin removed !

Not sure again whether that is true topper-ism ( I love the eleven-rife name)

Rant over!

I had a colleague like this.

He once corrected my pronunciation when I was saying something. In my mother tongue. Which he didn't speak/understood at all.

He even had an opinion on tampons.

He once corrected my pronunciation when I was saying something. In my mother tongue. Which he didn't speak/understood at all.

Ok I reckon you win. That's amazing.

Ah - this is BIL

Whatever you have done (childbirth, work, travel) he has done it first, better, faster, bigger, taller, longer.

All stories involve a reference to his incredible academic prowess and/or success at work. Many sentences start 'I got the highest score ever'.

I ignore and don't make eye contact while he's doing it. Count backward in my head, hum to myself.

You can tell him something (in the general course of conversation) that he has no possible way of knowing, or any reason to know, and he will nod knowledgably, and say, "Yes, that's right."

I'm going to top your topper with someone who, in this scenario, will nod knowledgably and say, "You might be right." When you know you are.

am i the only one who finds them funny, takes bets on what she will top this time?

Yes, Peppermint, I think your topper has topped my topper!

I once met a woman like this. She was utterly vile and had a really annoying personality. If someone had won an Oscar, she'd won a Noble Prize. I couldn't stand her - and it was a revelation to realise a large number of people felt the same way.

So there are two options:

1. Remove yourself from her company totally if you can; find new friends/new social circle.

1. Enlist the rest of the group to shame her. Sounds brutal but if you start talking to one person about how awful she is and get them on bored. Then add in no. 2 etc. Before you know it, she is openly being laughed at and will move onto another group where she's more welcome.

*get them on board.

I met a topper once. She insisted my surname was spelt wrongly. Apparently it has a 'e' in it. Well I never!

I think I do this too. If someone says they've done something, I rack my brain for the closest similar thing I know about and trot it out. In my head I'm bonding ??

Self loathing that's a really horrible suggestion. If you don't like someone just stay away from them you don't need to round up a group of people to bully them.