Friend is a 'Topper' and rude with it.

[OodlesofBoodles]

I need to extricate myself from a friend, I've only known her a few years, most of our communication is on social media where she's fine but when we get together she's rude, interupts people all the time. She's clever and had a really good career before having children which she never lets anyone forget. Whatever anyone talks about, has done, enjoys or even mentions she 'tops' it. Shes been there, done that and bought the diamanté encrusted r shirt.

I plan to avoid all future real life interaction and will have to tell our mutual friend why. Any ideas how I can extricate myself from her or call her on her behaviour without creating mayhem?

When someone interrupts me, I interrupt back, accompanied by an eyebrow of doom, and "I hadn't finished talking, Ethel, it's very rude to interrupt like that."

Or, you know, just say to the mutual friend "I find Ethel's constant interruptions, oneupmanship and holding-forth really draining. So, fuck that bitch."

m0ther me too! Re the interrupting, I once heard a friend say "some people don't listen they wait to talk!" It helped put it in perspective for me. I try really hard to listen and not just wait to get my say.

Mine is enthusiasm and a bit of awkwardness rather than the "topping" that the OP is talking about. I'm sure yours is too.

I also have a good long term memory but terrible short term so if I think of something relevant to add to the conversation there's a mixture of over enthusiasm and fear I'll forget.

Oh shit - I think I may do it too .

I do it too. I always thought I was joining in and empathising with people, it has been a huge shock to find out via MN that some people think it is so rude. Now I am really self conscious and don't want to join in conversations at all

Now I have joined in and empathised with people again. Duh. I'm such a horrible selfish person

I think we all jump in to certain degree, I wish I could record one of our attempted conversations for you to listen to. It really isn't general empathy and interest, it's what a pp said about waiting to talk rather than actually listening. Only this one doesn't wait, she thinks that what she has to say is much more interesting and everyone needs the benefit of her wisdom.

I used to meet up with a group of women when our dcs were babies. Two of them were like this. Me and a friend from another town used to laugh about this. We call it willy wagging. It is those dick head one upmanship aroun the Alan sugar boardroom table that they would measure their dicks to see whose was biggest. So we call it willy wagging.

Fanny flashing in her case I think.

If she interrups, don't react to what she said and just say "as I was saying..." and continue with your story as if nothing had happened. Of if she interrupts a friend, just shut her up and ask your friend about the rest of the story. Then ask her back about what she was saying.

But, if she has had a very interesting life (and it sounds like she may well be missing it), why not ask her about it?
And if she has such an opinion about everything, why not ask her about why she has that opinion and confront her about it if you disagree?

I think there's a middle ground, actually.

Not nice to to gloat nd try to better people's experiences.

but equally I hate it when people want to give you a monlogue on something you already know a bit about or have experience of.

so someone says "we're just back from Paris" and you say "oh lovely we went last yesr on eurostar how did you enjoy it?"

and theh they reply "well paris is this ahd on eurostar that and the eiffel tower is realoy tall you know, and the food in france is amazing, the seine is very blue" etc etc ahd TALK AT YOU but glare if you interrupt their monologue. fuck m3 it's not very interesting being lectured all about somewhere you've already been and having to act like you know nothing about the place.

I need to work on this too, and it's also born from social anxiety/awkwardness/wanting to fit in. The interrupting is because in the past I always used to wait for gaps in conversation and would never speak. I don't think I'm boastful with it, but maybe I need to listen a bit more and talk a bit less.

Someone at work does this she is one of the managment and therefore on a far higher payscale. She incessantly goes on and on about her rather large house, holiday home, dd's designer clothes etc etc. Its all very vulgar and causes an awful lot of eyerolling by the rest of staff as its done while everyone is having their lunch and theres no other place to go..

I had an episiotimy Mil had a double one

I have 4 dcs, she had one but its the same cos dh had friends round to play

Mil never askec family for help with childcare apart from when dh livec with his gran

Thank you springtime

I try to tell myself that MN is not RL, but these threads come up quite often an I always think 'oh shit, that's me'

My own sister is terrible for this, it does make me but also

It's just silly things she has to show she's better informed about or whatever. So on FB I might say "oh I loved the film xxx" and she'll have to comment: " we saw that two weeks ago. In the massive IMAX cinema in Manchester." Ok.

Anything to do with kids, also, is infuriating. She does have five kids so has had lots of experience, but she makes sure everyone knows it at every opportunity.

Let's hope there's an expert out there who can help us both. I'm finding it incredibly stressful.

Why dont you ask the friend? If anyone has ever dumped a friend, she will have done it better!

i am an American Southerner. 'Bless your Heart!' Is indeed a thing. It must be said with an abundance of sincerity and tone of kindly pity.

It can also be said sincerely, as in response to a good neighborly thing, you say, ,why, bless your heart! Thank you!!". The self-aware know when they are being iinsulted. The unaware dont. Which is why well bred ladies can use it as a verbal weapon.

Wait. Did I just do it, right there?

i am with Mewling and Norm. i veer between trying so hard not to that I dont speak. And saying to much at the wrong time.

my mother has a masters in one upmanship.

She is also an expert at everything because she heard about whatever it is from some person who naturally must know what they are talking about.

drives me bonkers

I sit opposite one at work. My main coping tactic is a pair of headphones. I panic if I forget them . She is needy/ socially inept/ has a 'd'h from the last century. I try to be nice but it drives me spare

She's just managed to send our mutual friend the most patronising, superior piece of advice in a group text. I can't bring myself to reply.

Oooooh do share OP?!

I know somebody a bit like this, although he doesn't usually interrupt anyone, but he does try to act as though he's seen and done everything. He just joins in any conversation and talks like he knows what he's on about, even if he's basically talking bollocks and hasn't a clue about the subject that people are discussing. I think he follows that idea of, if you say something convincingly enough then everyone will think that you're really clever and overlook the fact that you haven't a clue.