Is DH behaviour normal or is it emotional abuse.....

[supersmashinggreat]

I've read other threads about this but really have no where to turn, I feel like I'm going mad and that nobody will believe me......but last night was the a turning point that prompted me to post here for advice.

I think that I am being emotionally abused, but I'm not sure if it's me...so if I could explain could you see if you think that this is normal behaviour from a husband and father??

Last night I had a particularly tricky bathtime with my DD age 7, she is really hard work and has tantrums/meltdowns so has to be handled in a calm way.....anyway she was kicking and screaming in the bath - not unusual - when I asked to get her out she was adamant she wouldn't so i had to lift her, she was kicking and splashing getting angry but I remained calm, explaining it was time for bed...anyway at the pinicle of the tantrum DH comes home from a hard day at work and starts to explain why it was so bad I uummed and arrhedd and he said oh do you know what it doesn't matter it's always about you isn't it...' he could see how hard it was for me with my lovely girl but huffed off. I detatch myself and he doesn't get why I am being so moody and distant. He has had a much harder day than me, what do I know about hard work etc

he has been recently been made bankrupt, didn't speak to me about it for months, sorted it all out with his Dad even though it has a massive impact on our family. He is lying to both me and his family about his spending, blames me for my low income.....anyway because of this he is using my bank account and had to take my card last night, I said that I was struggling after a large and unexpected VET bill - his Dad transfered money into my account and he took it all out leaving me with nothing saying it was 'his money' and that I should go out and find some' he spends money like water whilst I have to penny pinch and go without. last night he told me that I am not a proper wife, tells me I'm a lair, swears at me. If I don't want him (sexually) there are plenty of women who do, other people find him attractive why don't I, it's my fault he is like this because all he wants is my love, he thinks I don't show him enough love or passion, sympathy or empathy. When I go out he texts me on average 10-12 times a night, I can't be myself as I am nervous, yet he can be out all night as he is stressed because of his business/bankruptcy. I've started recording incidents on my telephone so I can listen back, but after every time he says it's stress and he is sorry he loves me....he can't do though can he.....???? We have two beautiful children and it breaks my heart xxx

I don't know. I do know that I will xx

Guess what....they didn't save the house, lie after lie...he's out though, it's been really hard. Unbelievable. He has manipulated me, threatened suicide, text constantly, harassed me, said he couldn't live without me...cried, sobbed, called ambulances, been to A&E, pleaded, he is ill..la la la la......but the worse thing is that he is too ill to sort the house out, just can't cope..what a muppet! Now it's down to me, me and my fantastic friends and family who have been amazing to try and save our home, what a nightmare.....any advice on buying his beneficial interest will help enormously......the worse case of financial abuse, to the extent that his children could be homeless and all he does is cry that he wants me...MAN UP! Oh and the law, that's not on the children's side either.....it's just wrong

You can get your own bank account even after being bankrupt. Coop offer ones I think. That's a start.

have you actually gone to see a solicitor for legal advice?

Yes lots of legal advice, solicitor, CAB, womens aid, rights of women, debtline everywhere...got to see if I can raise the money to buy him out myself. The creditors supersede his children in law...even though the relationship was abusive and this is dreadful financial abuse the only options I have are to sell, or buy the twunt out it's just wrong 😢😢

You could have avoided all this two years ago, when you first posted.

How much equity is there in your home now? You know, there are far, far worse things than renting. In only a few years you could be working full-time and earning enough to raise a mortgage on your own, and with a bit of luck with a decent sum as a deposit.

I have feeling that no matter what you might be facing now cannot be worse than the misery you have already had to deal with for such a long time.

At the very least you have divested yourself of that mill-stone around your necks, dragging you all down with him.

You are right, it's just such a huge thing to sort out. Two years ago the bankruptcy had happened so I'd still be in this position, it's just so unfair but I feel so much stronger not being with him.

Really helpful Daemon...

Good for you, OP, getting rid. I really hope it'll all come right for you.