Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm 19 and he's 36...is it worth it?

116 replies

Pompomtunup · 15/04/2015 01:05

Honestly the age thing doesn't bother me. He doesn't even look like a 36yr old. Anyway its only been 3 weeks and we've seen each other quite a lot. But its always at his place although he usually swings by a shop to get me something to eat.

I feel like its moving fast but he disagrees. Its physical although we haven't had sex. He's already asked me to sleep over and got mad when I refused. He's really nice to me when we're together but when away from each (through texts) he's not as nice. He seems frustrated/angry etc.

And isn't happy about us not having sex, one time he looked like he was gonna cry. This is the first guy I've ever been with like this (intimacy).

Can I get some advice? Is it worth it? I'm still a virgin etc.

OP posts:
whatsagoodusername · 15/04/2015 15:37

Age: manageable, if you both really want to, but it's a very big gap.

Rest of it: Not good, massively bad to pressure you about sex. And at three weeks he shouldn't be anything but lovely. If he's already angry, grumpy, pressuring, it's only going to get much worse.

Dump him. He might be extra nice to you then to keep you. Dump him anyway.

bloodymadinlaws · 15/04/2015 15:47

Good God no. Get far, far away, and that's before we even consider the age gap. He sounds disrespectful and like there's definite potential for the relationship to become abusive.

Re: the age gap - while not every relationship with a large age gap is abusive or in any way dodgy, as a rule of thumb, I would question why any man of 36 would want to be with a 19 year old. Not that you're not lovely - I'm sure you are - but why would he rather be with a teenager rather than a woman of his own age or at least an independent adult? It rings alarm bells for me, unless there is a significant bond on both sides, which there does not seem to be in your case. When I was your age, a friend of mine went through a stage of going out with much older men. I remember her thinking that she was being incredibly mature to attract these guys. The rest of us were a bit weirded out by it because they just seemed really old and unattractive to us. However, in retrospect, all 3 of the older men she dated were almost certainly creepy oddballs who were looking for a teenage girl/very young woman to groom. I feel sick for her when I look back on it.

AccordingtoSteve · 15/04/2015 17:13

Cannot put it better than hissy already has. Please read her post slowly and carefully OP.

Arsenic · 18/04/2015 10:53

What did you decide OP?

Nayville · 18/04/2015 10:59

Please leave him. I was in a similar relationship age-wise with a man who sounds like him. It is one of my big regrets.

43percentburnt · 18/04/2015 11:01

Run for the hills op.

sisterofmercy · 18/04/2015 12:48

You have sex when YOU want to, not him. His age isn't the problem, his lack of respect is. You may meet a lot of men like him so you will learn how to spot the good ones and bin the bad ones.

Run like the wind.

idontknowmyusernameanymore · 18/04/2015 13:03

Well I'm 20 and my other half is late 30's, we've been together 2 years now, have bought a house together and now have a baby on the way. We made it work, our families/friends have accepted it with very little trouble. It really depends on how mature you are and how you fit together, not age.

idontknowmyusernameanymore · 18/04/2015 13:04

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread so have no idea if he's pressuring you or an idiot but I was just saying sometimes ages gap can work SmileFlowers

Blazing88 · 18/04/2015 13:04

No. Not cos of the age gap, because he sounds like a total knob.

straighttothepoint · 18/04/2015 15:42

So he treats you like shit and you haven't walked away?! The age gap at this stage is irrelevant, the fact he's a dick means you should walk away.

PerfectMan · 18/04/2015 18:25

This is worth of it, listen to Steel panther If you really love me and relax

PerfectMan · 18/04/2015 18:26

no way! use him, if so

PerfectMan · 18/04/2015 18:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Trills · 18/04/2015 18:32

If you were also 36 and had slept with a hundred men, it would still be unreasonable of him to "get mad" if you didn't want to sleep over.

IPokeBadgers · 18/04/2015 21:24

No. It is not worth it. Age gap aside, he is an unpleasant dick and you need to run, not walk, away. There are better men out there for you.

ambientolf · 18/04/2015 21:39

Age gap = fine if you want to make it work IMO. My DP is 20 yrs older then me but we just clicked & it was an instant friendship (we were friends for a year before we got together) so when we did decide to get together it just seemed to be so normal & genuine. Together over 3 years & expecting DS1 now.

The rest of it = no. He sounds disgusting & I really agree with every other poster when they say RUN!

AWitchThisWayComes · 19/04/2015 03:11

I'm adding my voice to everyone else! I married my ex when I was your age and he was 39. It's ended up with 17 years of abuse, having to do everything in my power to get him out of the house and protect the children who he's now using as weapons against me and daily tries to pick at my self control with sly digs and jabs.

This man isn't into you because of your looks or because he thinks you're wonderful, he sees an easy target who won't realise he's a massive twatbadger who will steal your best years.

RUN, run like the wind and flip him the middle finger as you do!

AWitchThisWayComes · 19/04/2015 03:12

I'm adding my voice to everyone else! I married my ex when I was your age and he was 39. It's ended up with 17 years of abuse, having to do everything in my power to get him out of the house and protect the children who he's now using as weapons against me and daily tries to pick at my self control with sly digs and jabs.

This man isn't into you because of your looks or because he thinks you're wonderful, he sees an easy target who won't realise he's a massive twatbadger who will steal your best years.

RUN, run like the wind and flip him the middle finger as you do!

AWitchThisWayComes · 19/04/2015 03:12

I'm adding my voice to everyone else! I married my ex when I was your age and he was 39. It's ended up with 17 years of abuse, having to do everything in my power to get him out of the house and protect the children who he's now using as weapons against me and daily tries to pick at my self control with sly digs and jabs.

This man isn't into you because of your looks or because he thinks you're wonderful, he sees an easy target who won't realise he's a massive twatbadger who will steal your best years.

RUN, run like the wind and flip him the middle finger as you do!

AWitchThisWayComes · 19/04/2015 03:13

Oops! My phone posted that three times, I guess it wanted to really drive the point home BlushGrin

WandaDoff · 19/04/2015 03:19

Please run away as fast as you can.

YOU DESERVE BETTER.

FloraWebb · 19/04/2015 06:45

RUNNNNNNNNNNNN...................

CaramellaDeVille · 19/04/2015 07:10

Echoing the above. And adding that if he is like this at 36 years of age, he obviously has serious problems and does not know how to relate to women or be s good partner.

You deserve better, please do what's right for you and get away from him.

CaramellaDeVille · 19/04/2015 07:10
  • a good partner