Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm 19 and he's 36...is it worth it?

116 replies

Pompomtunup · 15/04/2015 01:05

Honestly the age thing doesn't bother me. He doesn't even look like a 36yr old. Anyway its only been 3 weeks and we've seen each other quite a lot. But its always at his place although he usually swings by a shop to get me something to eat.

I feel like its moving fast but he disagrees. Its physical although we haven't had sex. He's already asked me to sleep over and got mad when I refused. He's really nice to me when we're together but when away from each (through texts) he's not as nice. He seems frustrated/angry etc.

And isn't happy about us not having sex, one time he looked like he was gonna cry. This is the first guy I've ever been with like this (intimacy).

Can I get some advice? Is it worth it? I'm still a virgin etc.

OP posts:
EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 15/04/2015 06:07

Omg really?
he should be wanting to go out with you, have fun, enjoy the start of a relationship, not have you round his every night. That's not the way you should start a relationship. And the pressure to have sex is disgusting. He sounds like a predator and I wonder what about him has made him target a teenage Virgin rather than a woman of his own age?

Rinkydinkypink · 15/04/2015 06:12

He could be 78 he still sounds horrible!

Emotional manipulation within 3 weeks. Run like the wind op!

Get out now

Chottie · 15/04/2015 06:14

Please run for the hills

Chottie · 15/04/2015 06:14

.......FAST

Meerka · 15/04/2015 06:17

I had a relationship with a man of 36 when I was 20. it was nothing but a good thing, I'm so glad I met him when I did and glad that it ended when it did too. We're still friends, 25 years on. He treated me with a lot of respect, taught me to think for myself and left me in a much better state than he found me, to follow Dan Savage's Campsite rule.

But ... He's already asked me to sleep over and got mad when I refused.

RUN LIKE FUCK.

He's a bad'un

lottieandmias · 15/04/2015 06:23

He's getting angry with you at this early stage? Please get away from him. You deserve so much better.m

WildBillfemale · 15/04/2015 06:46

I feel like its moving fast but he disagrees. Its physical although we haven't had sex. He's already asked me to sleep over and got mad when I refused

Dump this man quickly and straight away. This is not a man who cares about you, He wants to screw a 19 year old virgin that's all.
The fact that he's older does not make him nice or mature or considerate or caring.

He's a complete wanker so get rid.

WildBillfemale · 15/04/2015 06:48

A swoon may be intoxicating and fun but this sounds like it is just glitter stuck to a turd. It's shiny but still a turd

Funny but spot on!

RowRowRowCrocodileScream · 15/04/2015 06:52

He is not worth it, absolutely not worth it, for all the reasons PPs have said. You deserve so much better!

cleanmyhouse · 15/04/2015 06:54

He sounds controlling and immature. Pressuring you to further than you want to, nice when you're together, not nice when you're not. These are big red flags. Before too long, he'll be blaming you for the way he behaves.

Do yourself a big favour and get out of there now.

Auntieveronica · 15/04/2015 07:00

The age is irrelevant unless to a certain degree. But he isn't treating you very well.

Auntieveronica · 15/04/2015 07:01

I agree he just sounds desperate to screw a 19 year old

redcaryellowcar · 15/04/2015 07:02

I agree with pp, the age gap probably isn't the first concern, it's the way he treats you, he (or any other man) should never pressurise you for sex, perhaps worth reading a few threads on here about emotional abuse. As it sounds like this isn't what it's escalating to.

Fairylea · 15/04/2015 07:03

Run.

He could be 20 and I'd still say run. He just sounds horrible.

Felyne · 15/04/2015 07:08

You're asking this question because you already know the answer, hopefully everyone on here has helped to reinforce what you already know.

MaMattoo · 15/04/2015 07:16

Run. Run fast.
What's a man that age doing looking and pressurising a young person like you for sex? Three weeks is too soon to start all this pressure and anger business - even if the age gap wasn't an issue

mummytime · 15/04/2015 07:23

A relationship should be fun at first.
It should also be about more than sex or sexual activity. Go to the Cinema, a meal, a drink in a bar, a walk etc. etc. There should be lots of talking and sharing, and fun.
If it doesn't do that then its probably not really a "relationship" but more ONS, booty call; not even friends with benefits (because you aren't friends are you?).

Don't let anyone pressurise you into doing anything you aren't ready for. The minute they start not taking "no" for an answer run away fast!

This is where the age becomes important - he is plenty old enough to have learnt that "No" means no. He can't even be given the benefit of the doubt - or its something he needs to learn. He should already know this.

RUN

magoria · 15/04/2015 07:28

The age gap isn't the problem.

He is trying to pressure you into sex when you have made it clear you are not ready and gets angry when you say no.

This will not get better if within 3 weeks he already has anger and no respect for your choices with your body.

Give him a miss.

Crossfitmyarse · 15/04/2015 10:50

As a presumably experienced 36 year old..." If he is all that experienced, he'll understand that a 19 year old virgin wants to wait and feel comfortable, which should override any of his own frustration. I'm sure PP meant this, but I really want to hammer that point home.

Yes that IS exactly what I meant! And exactly what I said. Smile

SenatusPopulusqueRomanorum · 15/04/2015 10:59

RUN.

I got together with a 37-year-old when I was a 22-year-old virgin. He treated me awfully and ended up raping me.

In retrospect, I realised that he had groomed a very young woman because :

  • a more experienced woman wouldn't have put up with his behaviour (and the fact that he was a loser, really).
  • he had erectile dysfunction and hoped that an inexperienced woman would not realise.
Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses · 15/04/2015 11:02

He's already asked me to sleep over and got mad when I refused.

Shock

There are more red flags here than if he was spelling out 'run, I'm a cunt' in semaphore.

Run. He's a cunt.

Crossfitmyarse · 15/04/2015 11:12

No-one should be needing to get mad with anyone else after only three weeks together, whatever the reason, but this pressuring you for sex is very controlling and unhealthy. I'm starting to think perhaps he isn't very experienced or successful with women at all, and perhaps women his own age intimidate him which is why he has targeted you, because you are young and he hopes you will be easier to manipulate?

KiaOraOAotearoa · 15/04/2015 11:13

Run!

echt · 15/04/2015 11:14

No matter what his age, his pressuring you about sex means he's a knob. Avoid.

And yes, I do think the age gap, though a separate matter, is not OK. If you were to apply the age gap ratio, half his age +7 you'd get 25 which is bit more like it, but then he's still an arsehole because of his behaviour.

Bin him. Run, don't walk.

Sparklingbrook · 15/04/2015 11:17

YY to run for the hills, but the age gap is the least of your worries.

Swipe left for the next trending thread