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Original poster

Just out of interest, is anybody planning to remain single?

90 replies

Marmaladedandelions · 14/04/2015 15:20

I am in the process of divorcing my husband and I have absolutely no interest whatsoever in meeting somebody else. I'm quite surprised that one of the first things people have said is that maybe I'll meet someone else.

I don't want my DCs to have to share their home with a stranger and I don't want them to have to get used to stepsisters or stepbrothers. After my youngest has moved out I may consider it but as she isn't born yet it's a long, long way off :)

Am I alone in this? I seem to be quite unusual.

OP posts:
turbonerd · 14/04/2015 15:34

I was determined to stay single, but then I fell into the category "happened to meet someone".
Am currently on the thread that explores being in long term relationships without moving together.

WaitingForMe · 14/04/2015 15:36

It's something that all of my female friends with kids have said upon the break up of their marriage but none have been single three years later.

So I try just nod and not comment when I hear it from friends but I'm yet to see it pan out. They're all lovely people, it stands to reason that love will feature again for them.

Original poster
Marmaladedandelions · 14/04/2015 15:39

I can understand why if your friends said it then ended up in relationships it's easy to think 'oh, she doesn't mean it' but in my case, I absolutely do mean it :)

OP posts:
Dfg15 · 14/04/2015 15:40

I've been divorced for ten years have had two short relationships in that time and now have no interest in having another so Yes I'm planning on remaining single. I love it. I have friends that I see when it suits us and i see my daughters regularly.

Mum4Fergus · 14/04/2015 15:40

I'm single for about a year with a 5yo son. I've been OLD/FWBs since Christmas time and that's more than enough for me. Can't see me actively seeking a relationship while DS is at home with me...

BohemianRaptor · 14/04/2015 15:41

Yes, I made that decision for similar reasons to yourself when I became a LP. 7 years down the line and I'm still very happy with that decision. I have a very busy/full life and dating would mean giving up precious time with ds and frankly I prefer his company to most other people's.
I know a few LP's who's kids seem to have a revolving door of 'daddy's', not what I want for my son.

Original poster
Marmaladedandelions · 14/04/2015 15:43

I feel the same Bohemian and certainly marriage is off the cards. I knew someone who moved another man in within 5 weeks of leaving her husband and they had a 5 yo.

OP posts:
twirlypoo · 14/04/2015 15:44

I've been single 4 years now and have a 3 year old (ex left when I was pregnant)

I think I will stay single, for a lot of the reasons you have listed up thread. I feel like I have an ok life here with just me and ds - I can't imagine working anyone else into that dynamic. There is so little of me to go around as it is, the idea of someone else needing me or wanting me just sounds exhausting.

That said, if it happens I'm not against it - but it really isn't likely!

TheGirlFromIpanema · 14/04/2015 15:45

I've been single for nearly six years now and have absolutely no plans to change that anytime soon Smile

sakura · 14/04/2015 15:47

Definitely!

I'm actively never going to be in a relationship again. I'm still on friendly terms with STBXH in that he sends me money without me having to ask so it's not because I've been terribly burned.

It's because I've learned all sorts of things about relationships. For example how much money men cost us. How hard it is for women to get a man to leave once he's moved in. How often women lose their homes for a second time after getting married for a second time etc. The amount of women who are shocked that they can't kick their partner out and find that the only way to end the relationship is for them to leave themselves, even if they own the home, has killed any desire for me to ever risk it again. Not worth it!!

Psipsina · 14/04/2015 15:47

I can't imagine being in a relationship ever again. I don't have the emotional energy to devote to someone else. Three children is plenty to cope with. I could offer very little indeed to someone else but would feel obliged to think of them, when really, I don't need that and the kids don't need that.

I had a few boyfriends when my first two children were younger but it never worked out and I always felt like I was betraying them, having some man in the house. I was I think. Hate the thought of it now.

SetPhasersTaeMalkie · 14/04/2015 15:49

I am intent on remaining single. Split from DS's dad 10 years ago and have had a few short term, low key relationships. I decided about 7 years ago that I'd had enough and have been single ever since.

It's interesting. It means stability for me and DS. It means that my energies are purely focused on what we want. My friendships have remained the same and I enjoy, from time to time, an evening or lunch out. Money is tight so I don't socialise loads.

I do like it though. The prospect of sharing my space with another adult is not appealing in any way.

Gralick · 14/04/2015 15:50

Yes! But, then, I'm old. My second divorce was at 45 and, although I dated for a few years, it was clear to me that I wanted & needed my own space in every way.

More to the point, perhaps, I actually decided at 22 that I wanted to be single for life. I had it all planned out - career, a child, where I'd live and how I'd manage relationships. This was dead radical in 1977, social pressure was stronger than me, and I compromised for XH1. Now it's evident that I understood myself better at 22 than at any time in the next 23 years!

It's a perfectly valid choice. Either for life or for the time being. Two glorious things about freedom are the right to change your mind if you want, and the right to live as you please :)

BohemianRaptor · 14/04/2015 15:50

Exactly twirly, a partner added into motherhood/work/house/study would exhaust me, I need time by myself for my own sanity, more than I need a man.

Original poster
Marmaladedandelions · 14/04/2015 16:15

It's really interesting I'm not alone - I thought most posts would be along the lines of the first couple - that 'ooh you say that NOW, but ...'

OP posts:
weedinthepool · 14/04/2015 16:27

I'm cheerfully in this camp. I will not live with a man ever again.

This does not mean I will never have sex again, I have and I will, but it will only ever happen when the DC's are at stbxh's house. It also doesn't mean this will be a series of ONS. More a companion with benefits. It's a very liberated feeling isn't OPlease?

Chesntoots · 14/04/2015 16:29

I have lived on my own for nine years and had a couple of small relationships. I don't think I want another and definitely never want to live with anyone again!

KoalaDownUnder · 14/04/2015 16:32

No. I was never planning to stay single, but it's worked out that way. 41, never been married, no kids. I can't seem to get along with any men, and I don't know why.

ChrisQuean · 14/04/2015 16:34

In my family of strong women, it's the norm to stay single after relationships end.

My aunt's husband walked out on her and 2 DCs under 4. It was the 1970s and she never heard from him again and had no way to trace him. She always said that he was enough for her and she stayed completely single until she died. My DGM was widowed very young and again she never wanted or contemplated another relationship - my DGF was the love of her life and she was too busy dealing with kids and having wonderful friends. She was sparky and beautiful

My DM is the same. She is long time divorced and very happy being single. She's never dated in 20 years despite being extremely attractive and social (think Joanna Lumley type). She once declared that she wouldn't mind a toy boy (she's 67) but men of around her own age "only want their shirts ironed and a snog and then snore" Grin

Original poster
Marmaladedandelions · 14/04/2015 16:35

I do feel sad I won't grow old with anyone, but it's my own fault for marrying a twat!

OP posts:
Miele72 · 14/04/2015 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

youngestisapyscho · 14/04/2015 16:42

If anything happened to DH or we split, I can def say I would never live with a man again!

slug · 14/04/2015 16:46

Me either Youngest. Both DH and DD are well aware of this fact. Once he goes that's it with me and men.

Ladymoods · 14/04/2015 16:46

I've been single for 3 1/2 years and I love it! I'm not ruling out ever settling down again but having spent 15 years with an arse of a husband, I have no desire to rush into anything else. I love my independence, love that I make all the decisions about the kids (ex is NC), I have made loads of new friends who I love spending time with and I am just enjoying my life so much more than I ever have done.

RubyMay82 · 14/04/2015 16:49

My wee one is two & people have started going on about why have I not met anyone, mr right is out there..
I could think of nothing worse!
One toddler is enough I don't need an overgrown one too!
I never understand people with kids who jump from one relationship to the next,
Don't know how they can be arsed & my wee one is number one.
I wouldn't dream of bringing a man into her life unless I was sure it was going to be a long term relationship.
Life is nice & chilled why add relationship hassle !
Some people just don't like being single or their own company,
Enjoy it,
Let the dust settle.
At the risk of sounding like my nan
"What's for you won't go by you!"
Wink

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