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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

anyone have loved one in prison?-support

81 replies

Zisterhood · 13/04/2015 19:55

Just that really i'd love to hear from anyone that has a loved one, partner, brother, father etc inside. My DB has been away for nearly 12 months now for a white collar crime. Just wondering if there are many of us out there?

OP posts:
GammonAndEgg · 13/04/2015 20:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PeterParkerSays · 13/04/2015 20:17

That's a bit harsh Gammon, it's not the OP's fault she has a sibling in prison. Bumping for you OP. It must be hard for you.

newbieman1978 · 13/04/2015 20:20

No but I feel for you it must be horrible.

Couple of years ago at Xmas I put the usual "hope you have a great day" ect and as I have a mate that works in a prison I put something about hoping those working in prisons can have a good day and even the inmates too. I genuinely hoped they could enjoy the day no matter what they had done to get in there... On a human level I thought it was ok to think/say that. Oh the comments I got and not good ones!

mrsdavidbowie · 13/04/2015 20:20

No. But my brother's ex wife's brother was in for fraud
His wife divorced him, he came out and fleeced his own mother. They totally disowned him after that. Never saw his children again.

Meerka · 13/04/2015 20:27

Most of the people in the closed young offender's institute I knew were young and had made very serious mistakes but had a chance to change ... if they got the right support. It wasn't easy talking to them when you knew they had committed rape and other devastating, life devastating crimes but they are still people. Some of them who regretted what they had done.

Others were beyond hope and so deeply damaged and damaging that .... there are no answers.

I don't know from personal experience what it's like to have a relative in prison or be in prison, but I hope your brother can find a better way to live and not to do so hurtful things again; and that you can find peace. He'd be a lot worse off if no one loved him.

GammonAndEgg · 13/04/2015 20:29

I was just answering the question.

It may seem harsh, but if one of my DBs was in prison I probably wouldn't be calling them 'D'B. A white collar crime is still a crime. If someone is in prison over Xmas and misses family times, well isn't that the point of being in prison?

SouthWestmom · 13/04/2015 20:32

Yes but it's the op looking for support and chat not the DB. Op, hope you find people you can chat to in similar circs.

AnyFucker · 13/04/2015 20:33

I think this thread may be one of those where if you can't something decent, don't say anything at all

This was going to be a support thread and such comments, Gammon, are not in the spirit of "support"

OP, I hope you can get a bit of understanding on this thread. I have no experience of this but I have a good friend who is a prison officer and although some of the tales he tells would make your hair stand on end, the majority of people inside are simply ordinary people who made some very terrible choices

bigfam · 13/04/2015 20:33

My brother's in prison, he went inside last year Jan 27th, I went to court and it was heartbreaking to watch. He was handed 5 years 9 months, not sure how long he'll actually serve. Sad

AnyFucker · 13/04/2015 20:33

can't say

CindyEcstacy · 13/04/2015 20:35

Ugh Gammon - what a horrible attitude.

Zister - I hope you find some support on here Thanks

fourteen · 13/04/2015 20:36

Oh that's nice gammon.

In this new spirit of honesty and transparency, I think I'll pop over to infertility, and if I can find any threads along the lines of "anyone been trying over 12 months" or "anyone about to start ivf" I'll just write "nope" and a fucking massive smiley face.

Twat.

YouMeddlingKids · 13/04/2015 20:38

No one in my immediate family, but various extended family members have served time, mostly when they were a lot younger. Now all of them have moved on with their lives, have jobs and families. It must be so hard for you OP while your brother is inside, but time will move on and he can rebuild his life in the future.

newbieman1978 · 13/04/2015 20:39

I find people with simplistic ideas are generally a bit simple....#gammonandeggs

Clayhead · 13/04/2015 20:40

Yes, a friend, also 'white collar'.
He made a mistake but he's still my friend/DF. I try to offer what support I am able to by writing weekly (often embarrassingly inane letters but I send them anyway). I also do what I can for his DW and their kids.
I never feel I'm doing enough but I try to remain present where others haven't; if I made a mistake I would want my friends to stand by me.
People cross the road to avoid his DW and she's been ostracised by friends and family members which is heartbreaking to see.

I don't think anyone can anticipate how they'd react until they've been through it.

FizzyNuts · 13/04/2015 20:40

I have a relative who is in prison for murder, we weren't very close but his crime was terrible and really shocked us all.

Do you visit your DB often Zis?

flippinada · 13/04/2015 20:42

Zister sorry to hear you are finding things difficult. Here are some links you might find helpful (apologies if I'm preaching to the choir):

www.prisonersfamilies.org.uk/Family_Member_in_Prison/Family_member_in_prison__where_can_you_go_for_support_/Where_can_you_go_for_support_.aspx

www.gov.uk/support-for-families-friends-of-prisoners

www.pffs.org.uk/faqs/supporting_prisoners_families/

bigfam · 13/04/2015 20:42

FizzyNuts
Do you mind me asking if you visit your relative?

AnyFucker · 13/04/2015 20:44

Grin @ "simple

AnyFucker · 13/04/2015 20:44

"

Smartiepants79 · 13/04/2015 20:44

No, but a close friend is facing the possibility.
The 'crime' was a truly tragic set of circumstances that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
The thought of them in prison make my blood run cold.
I'm not sure they'll make it through it...

HootyMcTooty · 13/04/2015 20:45

I don't right now, but I've had friends in your position and it's so tough. Have some Flowers

TheCatsWhisker · 13/04/2015 20:46

Hi Zister, have you tried one of the support groups for families, such as www.pffs.org.uk

Wishing you all the best

Mrsderekshepard · 13/04/2015 20:46

I don't have anyone in prison but a loved one who committed a crime that I didn't think he was capable of doing. He got caught and punished still can't believe it.
Big hugs to you it's very difficult to deal with when its close family x

goshhhhhh · 13/04/2015 20:48

No I don't but I feel for you. & I admire you. Family is family.

& don't throw stones unless you are perfect. Being judgemental is not perfect.