sad and lonely

[matroyshka]

Ashamed to even type this but I’m just so sad and lonely I need to reach out. I’m 35 and single with no children and I feel like I’ll be alone forever. Everyone I know is part of a couple and/or has children and sometimes I feel like the only one who’s alone. I have been seeing a guy for a couple of months who I really like but feel he’s losing interest – so sad as I just don’t understand why I keep ending up alone. What’s wrong with me?!

I know writing this sounds really self-pitying but it genuinely feels like that - in the grand scheme of things this is such a non-problem…Lately I’ve been making a list of 5 things I’m grateful for each night before bed and this makes me see that I am lucky in lots of ways but it just doesn’t seem like that most of the time. I would like to have a family and feel time is slipping away.

I was in an EA relationship for a long time (a few years ago) and absolutely appreciate that no relationship is better than an awful one… but I’m still so lonely and just want to feel loved...

Bit of an outpouring really, sorry for the pity post, I just thought it might help to write it down…

I feel lonely since my mum died. Already lost my dad, no proper siblings, no children and no partner. Just me.

I have good friends but miss having someone really care about me. I feel lost. I hate the thought of a weekend by myself although it doesn't happen too often.

I have two lovely cats who are my saviours. Without them I would feel even worse.

I feel I am always going to be alone. I'm nearly 43 never had a relationship that I thought had a serious future to it. I was seeing a man but he's not interested any longer and I feel low.

So I would love to join your thread please.

getting yourself into something like new hobby or new course at your local is a good idea, this is what I did recently... now I have got new friends :)

Hi everyone, I too am lonely. I feel like the odd one out in Noah's Ark! I am 40 and have been single for 3 years after escaping a relationship that was abusive in every way. As a result of the abuse, I am now jobless, agoraphobic and frightened of my own shadow.
My best friend is a two hour journey away and my two local friends are so busy with work and family, we don't see much of each other.My beloved cat died in August and that was when the loneliness got me.
I know I sound a bit pathetic, but I am doing everything I can to get better and am frustrated today.
Brownsofa, I think I live relatively near you.

Hi guys, just checking in. Some very sound advice from many, thank you, incidently I joined a cycle group couple years back and fell in love with a member, tho it was'nt mutual, now I cant ride out with them when she joins, which is rare these days! I wonder why?

Why is it I here people meet at work, through freinds and such like and end up wed! I can only dream of that happening to me.
My Ex + her DD is coming over for easter, so I'm ok for company.

Thinking of you all

Hello everyone! Please can I join too? Would be great to have some company

I feel exactly the same too, have felt sooooo lonely this week. I have two young children & my divorce is due through this week (13 months after we separated). The children see him once a fortnight for the day. I headed into Glasgow (I live rurally so City trip rare)to keep busy whilst they were away. Came home v depressed as everywhere seemed to be happy families/couples. The same as going supermarket shopping. All my friends are coupled up so nights out are rare especially without partners. Lovely spending time with them but feel like a spare wheel and then going home alone. Was toying with OLD but when I signed up I panicked and felt rubbish (35 yo with 2 children - not high on the wanted list ). Then discovered my STBEXH on a website. I am not wanting him (years of Emotional/physical abuse from him) but it made feel super crap.

Going to try local course I think....meetup doesn't have many things for out in the sticks, sadly!

I think it is a good point about "targeted" activities (i.e. some with men!) even you want the chance to meet a new partner - though I think it is hit and miss. For example, the zumba and step class is all female other than the instructor!

chocolate Sorry about your cat - was just going to say it is something happening like that can really tip the balance in how you are feeling

It great that so many have posted in the thread (not great we are lonely but great that it helps to know that everyone has worries of some sort and people are kind and helpful and that most (everyone!) has concerns going on, however they might appear to others)

They're recruiting for Christmas homeless shelter volunteers already! I've done it the past two years and I really enjoy it, actually look forward to it, it's become a bit of a highlight. Last Christmas I bucked the trend and spent Christmas day with a big group of people - didn't enjoy it half as much as working with the homeless. So this year I'll be volunteering again at a homeless shelter. At least the guests know precisely what being lonesome is all about; plus there's a 'story' with most of the volunteers iyswim. Not that anybody talks about it, we're all too busy playing cards . the only thing I miss is Christmas telly - too many scraps over what to watch so they had to ditch it in favour of DVDs. The organisers also have to be mindful of potential triggers on what can be a very difficult day/week and I'm grateful to be protected from those triggers myself.

Aww ladies,there is a 38 year old single guy,no kids and rather good looking and nice, who has been posting about the exact same thing over on MSE this week. I reckon you should all go and take a peek as he has also put up his pof profile name in the hope someone could help him, maybe one of you lovely ladies could be the perfect match for him? :)

Anyway,as everyone told him,he's not too old and he shouldn't give up or let it get to him.

As an aside,I'm single too but a single mum to a severely autistic teen. It doesn't get to me in that way as such as I'm weird anyway,although there is someone I would very much like to be with but hey ho.

Chin up ladies,enjoy the time and freedom you have for now as being happy with yourselves and your life is needed to truly find and be happy with that extra something that completes it! Although,I wouldn't have a clue myself but it's what people say LOL

Hi everyone, hope you're having a good day.

Against - so sorry about your mum. Hugs x Sorry about the man too, do you have anything planned with your friends for the weekend?

misty - that is a really good point about targetting activities. I have some good friends but would like to make more so maybe just joining activities I am interested in and trying to meet people in general would be better than looking to meet men specifically.

rummikub - good idea about the volunteering. Any joy with bctv? where I live there is an online database of masses of volunteering opportunities, maybe there's something similar near you?

majserves - I think you're right about that being the way forward, well done on making some new friends! What did you get involved in, if you don't mind me asking?

chocolatecake - really sorry for everything you've been through. You don't sound pathetic at all. Some days seem better than others, don't they?

albal - great that you have some company over Easter. Did you used to enjoy the cycle group? Is there another one you could join locally if you don't feel comfortable going to that one when the lady in question is there?

KohI - sorry if this is an obvious one, but have you tried OLD?

Lullabullacoo - I know how you feel about going out with coupley friends. I'm sure you would get a lot of interest from chaps on OLD if you wanted to try it! A course sounds a great idea and a good way of doing something for yourself! Do you have anything in mind?

Daisy - agree about zumba and aerobics, haha!! Plus everyone is quite in the zone when working out, I've never found exercise classes particularly social.

springy - that's really interesting and something I've thought about before. You have some really great advice and suggestions (o:

TripTrap - you are so positive, thanks for posting! I went and checked out that guy's thread and he's in a very similar position to us. Ladies in his area should check out his profile ! I do hope things work out with the person you like!

Has anyone else done any volunteering? I don't mean I'm thinking it would be a way to meet a partner but just to help others and do something useful in my spare time. The Samaritans really interests me but not sure I'm upbeat enough for that...

Take care all!x

Bless you Matro. All of you. As for single mum of 2. Don't think guys are all after the same, you sound nice.

I've not joined another cycle club, thinking of joining a running group locally. I am cycle touring from Norway in June. With a friend.
Pets are a great idea, It would bé unfair if I kept them however what with working long hours plus in a flat.
I love birdwatching, most of the twitchers are not my type! You know what I mean. I can sit there for hours too, not every ones idea of fun! Lol.

Sorry, can't read all the previous messages but I'm 40, single Mum but am determined I'll meet Mr Right sometime. Have some gut wrenching moments but determined to be happy and with the right person one day. Keep in everyone, MN is wonderful to know you're not alone.

Phew, had a bit of a dip today. Forgot it was BH and ended up a bit aimless - everything shut, crap weather too. Too late to join any projects/walks/whatever. Couldn't face doing any of the million DIY jobs I could do on the house or any creative projects I've got going; nothing on the bloody telly. I was really caught short - argh. Saved by a last-minute invite to dinner where i met some lovely, interesting people. Phew.

Planning's the thing i think!

Sorry to hear you had a dip yesterday, springy - glad something came up in the end and you had a nice evening.

Minnie - hi! thanks for you comments, good luck to you too

albal - running group sounds a great idea and your holiday plans sound great!

Thread's been a bit quieter since yesterday so hopefully that means everyone's got things on and is feeling good!x

Thanks Matroyshka didn't do anything yesterday but am out for meal and lots of wine with my best friend tonight and meeting some friends on Monday as well. Hope you have some nice plans too.

Sorry you had a dip Springydaffs. I feel a bit aimless on BHs and Sundays when the weather is lousy and you have no plans. Have lots to do but can't always motivate myself to do them so end up wasting the day. Pleased you enjoyed your evening and hope you have plans for the rest of the weekend. Another BH Monday too!

Thanks Against, hope you had a good time last night! I was at a bit of a loose end on Friday but yesterday kept busyish - off to the gym this morning then going to my parents' for dinner this evening.

Happy Easter everyone

Hello everyone, and Happy Easter.

I think I may have found 'my people'! I'm 43, single, no children. Never been married or even had a relationship longer than a couple of years (and that was a long time ago). So I'm more used to being on my own than I am to being with somebody. I'm quite self-sufficient, maybe even detached, but at least comfortable enough with my own company that my life alone isn't constant torture!

But I get fed up, especially at times like this, long holidays. A couple of years ago I moved from a big city to a small town. In many ways it's been great. But social opportunities obviously are more limited - only one meetup group (which I keep missing, not deliberately!). I've joined lots of groups and classes and made acquaintances I would say rather than friends. Online dating for me is not that appealing; I've tried it but can't really be bothered, especially given the apparent dearth of talent around here...

Anyway, I don't want to sound too hopeless or dispirited, because I'm not. But it's great to come across people in similar circumstances, who understand what it's like to so often feel like the outsider looking in.

Will stop here for now as my arm is aching (typing one-handed on iPad and already accidentally deleted my first attempt at posting!), but just wanted to say how nice it is to meet you all and I wish you all the best for the next couple of days

Hello everyone - hope you are all having a nice Easter. Lovely weather in my part of the world today so went to the coast for a nice bike ride. Now stuck on the sofa (legs can't move) with a nice glass of wine and a piece of cake. Could be worse!

Aww, Honourable, so pleased you've found us! Lol @ dearth of talent... I know what you mean

Daisy - lovely weather here too, especially today. Your bike ride (and day!) sounds great! Makes me think it would be nice to have a bike!

Despite complaining about the long weekend, I'm not super keen to be back at work tomorrow... Can't win eh?!!

Hope everyone's well and not too stuffed with Easter eggs x

Can I join the Sad and Lonely group please? I am an older lady who found out last year I have Asperger Syndrome and it has explained a lot of my difficulties with relationships. My problem is that I find being around anyone for long very trying so I feel I have to come to terms that it is pointless looking for love again. In addition I don't want to be touched so I wouldn't have a lot to offer!

Thing is, I still want to be normal and so I understand how you all feel in wanting a loving SO.

I have wasted the BH too. Mooching around and putting off doing anything I might find rewarding. I am my own worst enemy.

Hello fellow sufferers

Can I complain? This 'holiday' has been grim. I had no idea these four fucking days happen every year. It's been a marathon...

But the weather has been amazing and I've been out each day and had a wonderful time. I found a bench sort-of off a village in the deepest countryside, hilly fields stretching miles in front of me, unbelievably beautiful scenery, not a drop of traffic sounds. It was pure bliss.

Hi can I join. I split with my husband of 17 years, 4 years ago. I've got some really good friends - but they are all married. My only single friend met someone in October and I haven't seen her for dust since. I have got 3 children (2 teenagers) but I am still very lonely. All my friends say I love it when my husband goes out and I used to say it too but having the remote control for the tv in my hand has now lost your it's novelty!! My married friends have been great and we used to go out every other Friday but they have now suggested just meeting at each other's houses which is nice but I'm not going to meet anyone new.

I know I must start a hobby or something but don't know what to do - I am reading back the posts now.

Brownsofa I am essex border Herts/North London - you can PM me where you are if you like x

I might live near too Chocolate x

I'm in the same situation as you OP so can empathise. I have a few single friends and do online date occasionally but not holding my breath for Mr right.

About a year ago I found myself in a bit of a sad situation where I came to dread weekends, felt like they stretched forever - and the sadder I got the more reluctant I was to go out so was a vicious circle. Added to this was one or two shall we say less caring friends who would let down at the last minute.

So - broke away from the friends and concentrated on spending time with my better friends. Made sure I had a plan in advance of the weekend (even if just a lunch) so didn't have indecisiveness of what to do today and then find everyone's always busy.

Also joined a yoga class and met some great people - that's also worked on making me happier and volunteered also as a dog walker.

Few months later have got my own dog, and now make an effort to go somewhere different each weekend, either with friends as well or on own. Life has really changed in the last year - I've got a great circle of friends old and new and a constantly busy social calendar and am happy rather than dwelling on wanting what other people have got.

My advice would be to widen your horizons a little if you can and try to meet new people - you never know who the connections lead to - you'll have fun and have new experiences and who knows what's round the corner ?