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Original poster

BF buying used "panties" online

158 replies

Liger123 · 27/03/2015 13:23

Sorry for the icky subject matter, but I can't tell anyone this in RL and just need to share it with someone.

I've been seeing a guy for just over a month and it's been going quite well so far. Although some may think that it's a bit soon to call him my BF, he is the one who suggested we date exclusively and who uses those titles.

Anyway, for some reason I've started to go off him a bit. He seems "too sweet to be wholesome" iyswim. Shamefully, I had a right old google. This may be seen as an invasion of privacy, but what I came across was posted publicly by him and I don't regret that I've caught him out in a way.

So he comes up on Pinterest (full name, photo, the works) and has pinned three pairs of "worn panties" to buy, in the last week.

Yes, he's a grown man and can spend his money on whatever he likes, but that's not really the point. Although we've been dating a relatively short time, we've grown close and spent a lot of time together, so I feel a bit betrayed that he's been buying/ at least looking at these things whilst with me. OTOH, I feel I've had a lucky escape.

How should I play this though? I have no desire to continue our relationship but I'm the kind of person where if I don't say how I feel, it will eat away at me. I fully know that I don't come across very well in this situation either though...

Thank you for reading and any advice on what I should say/do would be v much appreciated.

OP posts:
Booboostoo · 28/03/2015 14:31

In a relationship you only get your kicks from each other?!

So you've never used a dildo to masturbate? Or had a relationship with someone who watched porn? Or, sit down and clutch your pearls, had a threesome?

Joysmum · 28/03/2015 14:45

We do those things together, that's the key love Wink

Joysmum · 28/03/2015 14:47

Bugger, posted too soon.

We don't use other people from other people and outside of our relationship. That's quite a simple concept I'd have thought.

GlitteryLipgloss1 · 28/03/2015 15:39

Follow him on twitter and Pinterest. They will soon disappear.

Original poster
Liger123 · 28/03/2015 18:39

OP here, thanks to all for the replies. I know that he isn't harming anyone, but I can't help feeling a bit hurt that he's been buying them whilst with me. If he'd asked to keep a pair of mine I probably would have been more understanding - we all have our kinks, but the fact he is seeking them elsewhere is where the problem lies for me.

I haven't been replying to his texts/calls, but in order to gain some closure, I'll probably just tell him that it isn't working out (without reference to my online findings).

Thanks again for all your replies, it's been so therapeutic sharing this with people and it's made me feel slightly better about the situation. Flowers

OP posts:
BuzzardBird · 28/03/2015 18:39

Booboo, your bar is set really low on relationships isn't it?

BuzzardBird · 28/03/2015 18:42

Good for you OP, who needs that in their relationship?

Next time you meet someone maybe have a questionaire lined up with "are you into scratch and sniff?" at say number 3 on the list?

You poor woman, I feel sorry for you, I know it's only been a month but what a gruesome thing to uncover.

Original poster
Liger123 · 28/03/2015 18:47

Thanks buzzard . I'm thinking of campaigning for people like him to have to wear stickers Wink I'm just going to put it down to experience and thank my lucky stars that I was nosy enough to find it out at this early stage Grin

OP posts:
Allstoppedup · 28/03/2015 18:54

If he's just 'pinned' them, do you know for certain he's bought them or has he just pinned pictures of ones for sale that he 'likes'?

If it's a bit of a fetish for him it could be something he's always done but it's fairly early days in the relationship to declare any admittedly gross fetishes.

I'm just playing devils advocate, if you feel uncomfortable with it, ending the relationship seems sensible but as you say it isn't a 'hurting anyone' type of thing and if he were to stop knowing you were uncomfortable with it, it wouldn't seem as bad in my eyes.

I think the concept of a 'used underwear drawer' in a long term relationship is certainly taking it too far, but at this stage I'd be more inclined to be slightly forgiving as everyone has weird shit going on...obviously some weirder than others!

Booboostoo · 28/03/2015 19:34

Yes Buzzard silly me for caring whether someone is kind, caring, loyal, intelligent and supportive rather than whose panties he sniffs.

Original poster
Liger123 · 28/03/2015 19:56

I see where you're coming from booboo but unfortunately his predilection for strangers' used underwear is just something that doesn't appeal to me personally. Hence, it's probably more in his interest to find someone who understands his fetish and can support him in it - that person just happens to not be me. No hard feelings though Smile

OP posts:
BuzzardBird · 28/03/2015 19:59

Grin Booboo, seriously?

Original poster
Liger123 · 28/03/2015 20:00

allstoppedup Thanks for your balanced reply, but I don't know if I could even broach the subject with him Blush I have a feeling that it's something he's not going to "grow out of". He's a good bit older than me and I don't think there's any point trying to change him (and he may not want to be changed anyway). This, along with other things, has made me think I should just leave well along.

OP posts:
Allstoppedup · 28/03/2015 20:09

That's fair liger! Grin

"how was your weekend and could you possibly stop buying used panties?" Is a bit of a tough conversation to instigate!

If it doesn't feel right and this is just the last straw, it certainly makes sense to end things before they develop!

At least he has his smelly kecks to, er, cry into.Wink I'd be tempted to do a quick knicker inventory now though!

MadeMan · 28/03/2015 20:12

"I understand that these items are mass-produced using (among other things) the drainings from tuna cans."

Apparently beef flavour Hula-Hoops are the other main active ingredient in the mix.

BuzzardBird · 28/03/2015 21:11

Eeew! Just thought, how could you kiss someone that has possible be licking
someone's fanny crumbs off their pants! (think I am going to be sick now).
Booboo would still love him though Grin

Jacana · 28/03/2015 23:10

Scratch and sniff....GrinGrinGrin

blueberrypie0112 · 28/03/2015 23:23

He has a fetish. It's your decision to accept or not.

Whatsforsupper · 28/03/2015 23:31

Biuzzard

You've a lovely way with words:)

Not heard 'fanny crumbs' before!

Whatsforsupper · 28/03/2015 23:32

Buzzard

Type above.

Booboostoo · 29/03/2015 07:28

That's fine Liger, only you do not even know he has this fetish, there could be some other explanation for the pins, and even if he does have it, he has not asked you to participate so there is no need to support him in anything.

You do owe him a truthful explanation though as he might imagine all sorts of reasons why you are breaking up with him which might affect his self-esteem and he needs to know that you are breaking up with him because of this and not something else.

Drumdrum60 · 29/03/2015 11:26

What a load of rubbish. No explanations are needed.

Quiero · 29/03/2015 11:33

booboostoo your posts on this thread are quite hilarious.

"might effect his self esteem". Grin Grin will no one think of the poor knicker sniffers.

Booboostoo · 29/03/2015 14:08

Yes clearly the OP's boyfriend is not a real person, just someone to be ridiculed on the Internet and the OP should treat him like that in RL too. He may have a really minor, harmless fetish and therefore he should be treated like rubbish.

MiniTheMinx · 29/03/2015 14:34

Why should OP be forced to have a conversation she doesn't want after a month. A month! it isn't as though they are pledged to end their days together. You get to know people and sometimes you get to know things about them that make them incompatible with you. Besides which he might be mortified and embarrassed to have to discuss it with anyone. He shouldn't be made to feel crap, agreed, so why even mention it. Just walk away and think phew...