New young wife completely intolerant of step daughter, how on earth can this end well?

[jimijack]

So wife is 24, partner is 40, step child is 12.
Behaviour difficulties from a very young age, now quite bad. School have got CAMHS involved.

Wife leaves the room when child enters the room. Will not be left alone with the child due to lies & manipulative behaviour.
When they are together, they argue full scale.
Wife insists that the child is taken to the grandparents for entire weeks if it is school holidays and for entire weekends if she can't be bothered or wants to be alone with partner.
Is quite abusive to the child, swears at her, is clear that she hates the child.

Child is very very difficult to like tbf.

Don't know what the answer is. Where to go, what to do.

Divorce wife.

Are you the dad? It's not clear from your post. Is this child resident with you(?) all the time? Where is her mum in all this?

Ditch the wife pronto.

Take more responsibility for getting help for your daughter, it's not just up to the school to sort Camhs.

It's not going to work with your wife and you need to prioritise the mental health of your daughter.

Sounds like the opening scenes in a modern day Snow White

What is your role in this set up? The DH? What did you think would happen when you got married? Why did you marry someone who hates your DD?

If you are the childs mother I would stop my daughter from going. She is 12. Wife is an adult. I presume she knew the child before marrying her dad. If you are the dad you need to sort this.

Assuming you are the partner OP, why on earth did you marry this woman? None of you can live in this kind of situation. Full stop. The child will only get worse and everyone will hate everyone else more than they do now.

The child's needs are greater because she is a child! The two adults need to get a grip and separate.

Why on earth would a man marry a woman who loathed his child? Why on earth is the child who already has so many issues being subjected to this?

What is the plan of this family for this child?

Take more responsibility for the child! Don't be sending it hear there and everywhere at wife's insistence!

Get rid of wife.

Assuming you are the husband in the OP.

WTF were you thinking when you married a woman who dislikes your child?

Presumably the wife knew her new partner was a dad.
There's been some sort of dating process or did you just get married on the first time you met?! In which case not suprised your daughters confused.

I was probably what my father would call difficult, never bonded with his wife, then she does think the only way is her way and is right about everything to the extent of changing history, but that's off topic, difficult behaviour at school ect, diagnosed as Aspergers at 33. Now can't talk to either my dad or step mother. My point is you might call your daughter very very difficult but there is probably underlying issues she needs her dad to help with.

Please concertrate on your daughters mental health she's your flesh and blood you made her, you can't chose when to be a dad, your wife can chose to be a step mum, she should have done it before she married you she knew what she was getting in to, your daughter didn't!

Selfish adults makes me so angry.

Very short relationships before getting married, less than a year.
Two women, mother of child and new wife.
Mother of child has always left child for weeks on end to go on holidays, or because she can't cope with child's behaviour.

I am a relative.
Worried, no one is listening.

isn't 24 very young to be compassionate with a difficult 12 year old who might also be seen as competition for a partner's affections?
Terrible situation for the 12 year old but also for the 24 year old who has had very little presumably, to prepare her for challenges like this.

Children come first, 100%. Either the wife steps up or the husband should leave.

FWIW I'm 24.

Poor girl.

Divorce wife, get custody of daughter. Sounds like this man loves a selfish woman.

Not much hope then OP. :( :(
If both mother and wife clearly can't stand the child - and mother sends her away - the poor child has no chance at all. Of course she's dysfunctional if her mother and her mother's partner demonstrate how much they really, really don't want her around.

Jeez. How very sad.

It's 2 women who married, mother is 40 year old, wife is 24 year old.

Together & married within 10 months of meeting.

I am a relative.

Father has never been on the scene.

What is your relationship to the child? it seems you're the only that cares about her right now and may be her last chance.

Just to get this clear:

'wife' is your wife - so really nothing to do with the child.
You are related to child but not her father - so what is your relationship?

Why are you speaking in the third person????

It's going to go very badly. Sorry.

I don't know what can help except intervention and you being there as a listening ear for the child. it won't be enough, but being a listening ear -will- stay with her in the future, that someone listened and cared. That is valuable in itself.

Too many adults think only about themselves and don't care that their new partner treats the child badly or very differently from their own. It seems as long as the adult is happy the children should just have to live with it.

Report to social services. The dynamics are abusive and this situation is no doubt contributing to the child's behaviour.

The parents need a wake up call.

Why are you giving cryptic 'clues'? It makes it hard to understand. Just say who you are what your interest is in this child.