But we took you to Stately Homes

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

It's March 2015 and the Stately Home is still open to visitors. Unfortunately I have not been able to make the links work; is it possible for one of you lovely people to do that?.

Forerunning threads:
December 2007
March 2008
August 2008
February 2009
May 2009
January 2010
April 2010
August 2010
March 2011
November 2011
January 2012
November 2012
January 2013
March 2013
August 2013
December 2013
February 2014
April 2014
July 2014
October 2014

Welcome to the Stately Homes Thread.

This is a long running thread which was originally started up by 'pages' see original thread here (December 2007)

So this thread originates from that thread and has become a safe haven for Adult children of abusive families.

One thing you will never hear on this thread is that your abuse or experience was not that bad. You will never have your feelings minimised the way they were when you were a child, or now that you are an adult. To coin the phrase of a much respected past poster Ally90;

'Nobody can judge how sad your childhood made you, even if you wrote a novel on it, only you know that. I can well imagine any of us saying some of the seemingly trivial things our parents/ siblings did to us to many of our real life acquaintances and them not understanding why we were upset/ angry/ hurt etc. And that is why this thread is here. It's a safe place to vent our true feelings, validate our childhood/ lifetime experiences of being hurt/ angry etc by our parents behaviour and to get support for dealing with family in the here and now.'

Most new posters generally start off their posts by saying; but it wasn't that bad for me or my experience wasn't as awful as x,y or z's.

Some on here have been emotionally abused and/ or physically abused. Some are not sure what category (there doesn't have to be any) they fall into.

NONE of that matters. What matters is how 'YOU' felt growing up, how 'YOU' feel now and a chance to talk about how and why those childhood experiences and/ or current parental contact, has left you feeling damaged, falling apart from the inside out and stumbling around trying to find your sense of self-worth.

You might also find the following links and information useful, if you have come this far and are still not sure whether you belong here or not.

'Toxic Parents' by Susan Forward.

I started with this book and found it really useful.

Here are some excerpts:

"Once you get going, most toxic parents will counterattack. After all, if they had the capacity to listen, to hear, to be reasonable, to respect your feelings, and to promote your independence, they wouldn't be toxic parents. They will probably perceive your words as treacherous personal assaults. They will tend to fall back on the same tactics and defences that they have always used, only more so.

Remember, the important thing is not their reaction but your response. If you can stand fast in the face of your parents' fury, accusations, threats and guilt-peddling, you will experience your finest hour.

Here are some typical parental reactions to confrontation:

"It never happened". Parents who have used denial to avoid their own feelings of inadequacy or anxiety, will undoubtedly use it during confrontation, to promote their version of reality. They'll insist that your allegations never happened, or that you're exaggerating. They won't remember, or they will accuse you of lying.

YOUR RESPONSE: Just because you don't remember, doesn't mean it didn't happen".

"It was your fault." Toxic parents are almost never willing to accept responsibility for their destructive behaviour. Instead, they will blame you. They will say that you were bad, or that you were difficult. They will claim that they did the best that they could but that you always created problems for them. They will say that you drove them crazy. They will offer as proof, the fact that everybody in the family knew what a problem you were. They will offer up a laundry list of your alleged offences against them.

YOUR RESPONSE: "You can keep trying to make this my fault, but I'm not going to accept the responsibility for what you did to me, when I was a child".

"I said I was sorry what more do you want?" Some parents may acknowledge a few of the things that you say but be unwilling to do anything about it.

YOUR RESPONSE: "I appreciate your apology, but that is just a beginning. If you're truly sorry, you'll work through this with me, to make a better relationship."

"We did the best we could." Some parents will remind you of how tough they had it while you were growing up and how hard they struggled. They will say such things as "You'll never understand what I was going through," or "I did the best I could". This particular style of response will often stir up a lot of sympathy and compassion for your parents. This is understandable, but it makes it difficult for you to remain focused on what you need to say in your confrontation. The temptation is for you once again to put their needs ahead of your own. It is important that you be able to acknowledge their difficulties, without invalidating your own.

YOUR RESPONSE: "I understand that you had a hard time, and I'm sure that you didn't hurt me on purpose, but I need you to understand that the way you dealt with your problems really did hurt me"

"Look what we did for you." Many parents will attempt to counter your assertions by recalling the wonderful times you had as a child and the loving moments you and they shared. By focusing on the good things, they can avoid looking at the darker side of their behaviour. Parents will typically remind you of gifts they gave you, places they took you, sacrifices they made for you, and thoughtful things they did. They will say things like, "this is the thanks we get" or "nothing was ever enough for you."

YOUR RESPONSE: "I appreciate those things very much, but they didn't make up for ...."

"How can you do this to me?" Some parents act like martyrs. They'll collapse into tears, wring their hands, and express shock and disbelief at your "cruelty". They will act as if your confrontation has victimized them. They will accuse you of hurting them, or disappointing them. They will complain that they don't need this, they have enough problems. They will tell you that they are not strong enough or healthy enough to take this, that the heartache will kill them. Some of their sadness will, of course, be genuine. It is sad for parents to face their own shortcomings, to realise that they have caused their children significant pain. But their sadness can also be manipulative and controlling. It is their way of using guilt to try to make you back down from the confrontation.

YOUR RESPONSE: "I'm sorry you're upset. I'm sorry you're hurt. But I'm not willing to give up on this. I've been hurting for a long time, too."

Helpful Websites

Alice Miller

Personality Disorders definition

More helpful links:

Daughters of narcissistic mothers
Out of the FOG
You carry the cure in your own heart
Help for adult children of child abuse
Pete Walker

Some books:

Homecoming
Will I ever be good enough?
If you had controlling parents
When you and your mother can't be friends
Children of the self-absorbed
Recovery of your inner child

This final quote is from smithfield posting as therealsmithfield:

"I'm sure the other posters will be along shortly to add anything they feel I have left out. I personally don't claim to be sorted but I will say my head has become a helluva lot straighter since I started posting here. You will receive a lot of wisdom but above all else the insights and advice given will 'always' be delivered with warmth and support."

When my mum voices her disappointment in me or my actions, I seem to revert back to being 10 years old and am rendered completely incapable of speaking my mind...I am 37 ffs!

I pluck up the courage to talk to her about it and calmly let her know that I know her intentions were borne out of love but that her words were hurtful. That I may be making a huge mistake pursuing this relationship, but that it was my mistake to make and I wouldnt dream of uprooting the children unless I was absolutely certain and had a get out plan should I need it. She then rolled out the "but its not your future only your changing, its mine too. You are the only one that would take care of me when I am old and sick. You are selfish because you are not taking my future into account" My mum has many chronic conditions that will only get worse.

I ended the LDR, mainly to keep the peace, but also there were some red flags that made me question the future of it. Obviously my mum was delighted and is now talking about her future in a far more positive, Ill be with witch, slant.

It is exhausting when everything is turned into a "how will this affect me" thing. She is the same with my DB...he has issues with his ex surrounding contact with his children. he is no angel and some of these he brings on himself. Most of them is his ex being a royal PITA. my mum will make him feel awful because she doesnt get as much contact with GC as she wants, constantly tells him that she has rights to see them and when he is having difficulty in getting access, she will go behind his back and arrange for them to go see her in case they forget what she looks like.
My DB and his P had a baby a little over a year ago, who was sadly stillborn My DB was overwhelmed with grief and fell into a depression. It took him a long time to pull himself out of it, but he has. During this time, mum kept going on about how she realises that they have lost their son, but she is grieving too. They have lost a son but she has lost a GC do they not realise this?...ffs mum, we know you are grieving too, but this time is about him!

The incident that really got me thinking though, and reflecting was this weekend. My DP mum got taken into hospital with advanced liver cancer and she had contracted an infection, they were told she was going to die. My DP was a mess. Eaten by guilt at not having seen her for two years and the memory of watching his sister die of cancer still very fresh in his mind. I went to support him, checked with my mum first as I would have to ask her to keep the kids while I was at the hospital. On the sunday, my mums birthday, DP family were told to go to the hospital as she was on her way out, I went through. At the same time a very close friend of mines DF died suddenly. I called mum from the hospital and let her know what was going on and also about my friends DF, told her I was trying to be there for both of them, but that i would be home before the kids went to bed. I had cleaned her house, fed the kids, organised supper, did everything I could to make things as easy as possible for her knowing that I would be gone most of the day.Her reply when I said "DP mum will be dead by teatime I think and BF DF died this morning...Im so sad for them both"........happy birthday to me then eh?

I know none of this is a big deal in the grand scheme of things...there are tons more, but they are so subtle, passive aggressive type things, and I know I sound like a horrible daughter, but this was cathartic.

wow....a bit of an epic post

Witch, I don't know where to begin.
This rang bells though:
I'm not sure if I am being ridiculous or if my mother is a narcissist....and it's not all the time so question myself constantly...
My father was like that: charm itself when it suited him, and a manipulative bugger when it didn't. It makes it very hard to turn your back on someone when you've said goodbye after a visit at the end of your tether, swearing you'll never phone them again, and as you arrive home they ring and tell you how lovely it was to see you etc etc.

And Steve, . Not much help I know, but I really am speechless.

I think that's the worst bit mehsmum she can be perfectly ok a lot of the time, but very manipulative when it suits. Hence why I question if she does have a problem or if she is just doing what most humans do, just magnified.

I do know that the thought that I may one day me like this fills me with stone cold fear. I want my babies to grow up and forge their own way on life without having to worry about me. Would hate that I may put that on them.

steve I hope your ok lovely? I honestly have no words for you that can remotely make any of that ok and I can see how you would feel quite naked now.

Thinking of you

Steve :( I feel so sad for you and your sister. Well done for posting.

It brought a memory back to the surface of my own mum sitting me and my siblings down and telling us we would have to live somewhere else if we didn't behave. She was crying, we were crying. I don't remember ever really misbehaving because I was too scared to! I think she had PND at that point.

Thank you all.. I didn't post that for anything other than "getting it out of me" it's been in me for a long long time now, your kindness is lovely.

There is a lot more to my story, I haven't the energy to visit that place just yet but I will.

I'm very very grateful this place is here. Thank you x

just wanted to acknowledge such a brave posting Steve and strength for your journey which has been long. Keep posting. you are in a safe place here and will be treated kindly and support a plenty.

Also just shocking reading about the GPs who basically stole her DD's DS! overfed and overrated him, poor lad, just awful trashing of a life supported, once again by courts and SS! Those who can pay the most, just hideous. This is not an altogether unlikely scenario had i not gone NC very early on in my DCs lives. so its very uncomfortable reading. I hope that your sister is ok? and poor ex, also scrapped in the process.

Sending strength and peaceful wishes to everyone else too, but just caught these two in particular this evening and wanted to acknowledge and lend support.

Smother - it's odd hearing someone else say it's shocking, we are so used to it

Believe it or not, there were no social services or official involvement . My sister was happy for my parents to take her child at first , as she was in hospital . Then she and her Dh stayed with them for a few more years ( despite having their own house about 2 miles away ) . This was supposedly because my sister had an operation on her leg and couldn't manage stairs , and at her own house the bathrom is upstairs .

They looked after the child when my sister and her husband went back to work , and then at weekends so they could go out . Soon my nephew wanted to live with his GP all the time, they were richer, gave him anything he wanted and organised their lives around him . He was completely spoilt .

Whereas his parents wanted to go out and have fun, see their friends, like other 20 something's . It all just happened so gradually , it seemed normal. My parents gave DSsis and her husband money to go out , go on nice holidays ( with out their child of course ) while they took child to Disney land.

Then when Dsis and her Dh split up, she went to stay with them again for two years, while the ( very messy ) divorce was sorted. During that time she was seeing someone else ( probably OM) , so it was handy for parents to have child while she dated.

If you are working full time with a longish commute , then going out most nights, it's handy to have a live in babysitter and not have any housework to do .

Then she finally moved in with new partner , he didn't really want the child and anyway , they didn't live near his school and they were both at work Ft so couldnt transport him . Besides, he still lived with his mother and she didn't want the child around .

There was always a good reason for the child to go on living with GP, they are very clever and manipulative . And of course, after a while it's all about stability for the child . It was never supposed to be permanent .

My sister isnt stupid but she's selfish and short sighted - she can only think about what suits her today and not the long game .

She doesn't think they stole her child . She thinks they are wonderful ( although difficult ) , especially my father. She still believes his " feel sorry for me, my wife is so hard to live with, I'm such a saint " act .

They have given her lots of money over the years and enabled her to live at a standard much higher than they could ever have afforded. Her Dh was a van driver and she did clerical work , yet they lived in a lovely house ( which my parents bought for them ) , sent their child to private school and went on several foreign holidays per year . Bought all their food in M and S etc .

This was very important to my sister , she is a big snob, money and status matters a lot to her and she thinks she is quite posh .

My mother used to go and clean their house and do their ironing , because my sister couldnt be expected to do that after being at work all day . Later , she paid for a cleaner

Because my parents had bought the house for them , there was a big fight over the divorce. my parents thought that my sister should get the house as they had paid for it and spent a lot of money doing it up , but of course it was the family home, so it was split 50:50 . But they spent 2 years fighting it in court .

That's why they alleged DV, they thought it would strengthen their case. But of course it didn't work .

And they stopped her ex seeing the child , to punish him for the divorce settlement

So my parents didn't acually have to steal their grandson , they bought him .

just awful Stacey - I shouldn't wonder your sister will be on these boards sometime in the future when the scales fall from her eyes!

its still theft through the worst of manipulations. What i don't get is how a mother can be happy about it. I can see that she's clearly foundthe whole deal very attractive to be kept like a child herself all these years, but how her own DS became estranged from her without her fighting that, as that is normally the oint at which the ways part! Once this starYs happening to the DGC. The way it was done was like you say, so very slowly and 'out of kindness'! indulging.. bleeeuurgh!

I think that doesn't happen any more the automatic spllitting of a fail home? Does it? They quite clearly bought the house, but then maybe it was viewed as a very extravagant gifts, and gifts belong to the receivers!

The poor bioy. It has put me in mind of a family i knew, where the firstborn DGS was treated similarly by very wealthy DGP. All the DC were ruined by the wealth and went on to behave in money seeking ways in their relationships and the DGC did the same, but hte first DGS was 'taken on' by the DGP, through a divorce and the DMhaving to work full time and cope with keeping her house,etc. It didn't turn out at all well for him either

Your sister was also very young herself. Extremely selfish, and no bond with her DS not surprisingly though!

Your DP have a lot to answer for they sound so controlling.. Why do people even listen to that whining 'poor me' DH crap? Blaming your DM for everything, whilst he's the hero for 'putting up with her' how disgusting and abusive. hardly the stuff of love!

So where does all this leave you?

Re the house - I think they gave My sister and her Dh the money to buy the house , so it was in their names. By the time the divorce came to court , only her ex was living in the house , he has been there on his own for two years

Sister was living with her new partner, nephew was living with GP. So no reason not to sell the house. her ex wanted to sell up too , he went to live with his family . The fight was just over the proceeds of the sale - my parents maintained that the money they gave the couple was a loan, to be re paid on the sale of the house . But they had nothing to show it was a loan and not a gift .

I think the reason they gave them the money , rather than buy the house outright , was because they were worried I would find out and say " that's not fair, you have her £150 " . It was always very important to them to keep up the appearance of fairness and reasonableness .

Their public image is everything to them .

At the time , I was a single parent with one SN child the same age as My nephew, so I had good reason to be unhappy that they gave my sister and her Dh all the money and help , while none to me . I certainly coudl have done with some .

But I know from reading this threads that this is the common, perhaps even normal patternof narc families - golden child /scapegoat .

Where does this leave me now?

I'm fine . I've been low contact for 10 years and NC for another 10. Initially with just my parents , but when I resisted their hoovering, they persuaded all the rest Of the family to go NC with me . So I've only got random pieces of information about them over that time .

My father has just died . I found out from a former neighbour . I was shocked at first , but ive started to think about what happened and what they are / were like . And writing all this down here makes it more real . And reminds me why I don't need to feel FOG anymore . I'm still working it all out .

Thnak you all for letting me post

they have treated you appallingly. Its so sad. It always is to hear such travesties. You struggling on alone this way, yes, I guess the scapegoat. its so sad.

i know my ex DP's speak of the ways in which my siblings have come to terms 'with things' and forgiven and forgotten, but to me they sound like guilts, lies and dependencies.

Its extremely low that noone in your family could even treat you with the decency and respect to visit at least to let you know about your DP dying. I imagine mine will be this way too, if they are in fact still alive!

To me, it doesn't matter what they've done in life, they are still the ones you formed some kind of attachments to for a vast part of your life and its only right that you have the opportunity to grieve in many ways and pay respects to their passing, whomever they are. Or maybe i'm wrong in that, who knows, but there's the matter of DGC too.

I'm glad writing it all out is helping, you are always free to post, its your forum for your words and everyone else's.

Thank you. I'm not alone now, I have a DP and more kids . But it was a very hard time . I wish I'd never let them have contact with my oldest child, but she escaped relatively unscathed I think.

And I'm glad I protected the others. It's help a lot with any guilt I feel about the NC - I did it for the kids sake. I probably would never had the courage to do it just for me . For my own sanity .

I know it sounds like Ive escaped from a war zone or something < melodramatic > . One of the bloggers describes it as the Mafia Family .

" you can check out any time you like but you can never leave "

Thnak you for letting me vent . I'm aware that so many other posters have had it so much worse than myself

Steve I am so sorry sweetheart, that sounds horrific. You've done so well with separating from your ex and after hearing your background and what you have had to overcome I think you've done even more amazing.

I am not surprised that you feel emotional after getting all of that out. I hope you feel a little better having done so. As and when you feel ready I hope you get a positive outcome with your sister.

For you and everyone else on this thread

I am still following the thread to stay strong and go through with what I need to.

My thoughts are with all other posters Steve & Stacey you are incredibly strong and are such an inspiration. You both have overcome so much, I'd give you hugs if I could.x

Does anyone know what happens if DM & DSF try to take us to court for access to DC? They are well off so could easily get an expensive lawyer. They believe they have a right to see the DC because they are GP regardless of whether it is in the best interests of DC (this has been expressed even before NC has occurred ). I wouldn't be surprised if that was their first step. My talking to them has already been swept aside as 'you're obviously not well'. Tad nervous as to what will happen and expect they will try the option that I'm being controlled by DH (already implied recently).

Ohhh dont! I am welling up here because you are all so very very kind.

I am not going to post an awful lot more on my story, it is all very revealing anyway, although I have already probably outed myself massively to anyone who reads here and knows me!

Lets just say, with my parents; their different upbringings gave off an awful lot of diverse parenting advice for me growing up. I have a lot of unpacking to do from that box I sealed up in my head a while ago now.

I know its going to be the best thing I have ever done though

As I have got older, my mother and I hardly speak now, she is so self-absorbed, sad and emotionally fucked up. She has not had much to do with my two girls, I have deliberately made this so.

My Dad is still self absorbed, entitled and narcissistic (thanks Gran) and now fully enabled by his wife of ten years (who is probably another entirely new threads worth of issues herself). He had a lovely life to be honest, retired at 50 (because my granddad died and left him a mortgage free home) yet still likes to judge me all the time on my life decisions and choices.

I cant wait to tell him I have split from my H (not). He and his wife are going to dine out on that for a long time, my ears burn when I think about the discussing all my fucked up-edness, bad decisions, screw ups. While they both toast each other on how fucking wonderful their life is.

It doesn't matter whether we shit rainbows or make some faux pas, they will always find ways to be displeased and berate us. We can take comfort from the knowledge that we are standing firm and have support from those that matter (and each other). We are breaking the cycle and that is a great thing, our DC and any future DC will be happier for it too.

bed GPs have no legal rights to see grandchildren.

If they have spent a lot of time caring for the GCs during the early years - for example if you had been using them for childcare while you worked - then it's possible they could try to argue that the welfare of the children required continued contact. They would need to persuade a judge that they have a "meaningful and on-going relatiionship" with the children which is of benefit to the children. Their relationship with you is irrelevant.

If they have never had much contact i.e. only occasional visits then it is extremely unlikely that any contact order would be granted.

Additionally, even if an order is granted they are pretty much unenforcible.

IANAL so speak to a solicitor if you have serious concerns, but I would not worry about this before anything has even happened.

bed you are so very right.

Actually reaching that point where I realised I was never going to get the approval or love I desperately wanted from them, no matter what I did; was the biggest sense of relief I have ever felt in my life.

Steve, I have only just got to that stage and feel the same, It's very liberating.

Pocket thank you so much for this advice. They haven't had much contact at all, ironic given their views but a blessing in disguise really. You are so right, I shouldn't waste more time worrying about what they will do, 'if and when' is a much better way to approach it.x

a big 'IF' that point comes bed then just be ready with the abuse tactics from them towards your DC - badmouthing you, and putting their own needs above those of their own DC and GDC, etc. and on and on. Just be honest, as these types of GPs especially with much money behind them will think that they can run the court systems and tie everyone in knots around them and they will come out the supreme glowing DP/GPs. You can clearly paint a very worring alternative picture. IF it came to it.

Oh my lovely people, I need you.

I've been here before, many times, and had long running threads of my own about my family. I've learned a lot about triangulation, and the toxic relationship I have with my parents and DSis.

Well now I need their support, and I've been badly let down. I found out last week that I need surgery, and that there are some indications that it might be cancerous. I'll find out more soon, but either way I need an operation and I'll be housebound for a couple of months while I recover. It has been a big shock, and I'm trying my best to hold it together. DH has been wonderful.

While I recover, I won't be able to drive, and I may not even be able to get off the sofa to make a cuppa for the first week. The trouble is, I have an elderly dog who has some problems, and needs lifting and attending to on a regular basis. I simply won't be able to do this.

My DF responded by complaining that they wouldn't be able to help me, and why should they when DH works 10 minutes away and I should just be able to call him whenever I need help. They're retired, live half an hour away.

DF's refusal to help was almost unsurprising, but DM should at least have told him off for it, and told me they'd be there for me. Instead she defended him and told me I'd misheard (when she wasn't even there to hear it herself).

My DM then went on to attack me for something minor that I did 5 years ago, and complain that she was finding my news difficult to deal with. I promptly left, and have since been told that she spend the entire evening crying (in front of our friends).

My DSis has responded by telling me that 'It's tit for tat' and that I'm not loving with them, and I need to look at myself. I'm basically being told that I don't deserve their sympathy.

I'm a good person, I try my best. I'm moody and I argue with them, but I'm kind and generous. My sister uses them for finance, uses them for free childcare, and slags them off behind their backs. They recently sided with her over a horrible relationship issue, and cut me out for not doing the same, so there's a big backstory here. I'm being punished for not toeing the line.

All I wanted was a hug, and for them to tell me that they'll be there for me no matter what.

DH thinks I should cut them out for a bit, but we're very close and I find that very difficult. So instead I allow them to manipulate me and put me down.

So I'm left dealing with possible cancer, impending major surgery - and I'M the one who is supposed to feel guilty about upsetting THEM!

Can someone please tell me I'm not a horrible person and how the hell do I deal with them?

if you're still on-line, i'm very happy to back you up in this and first and foremost tell you that you are not being horrible! I fail to find any bit of this that tells us you are horrible.

I am so sorry for your medical news... please please just focus on yourself, let your DH run around making plans to support you, he needs to pull the rabbit out the hat now, not you. You need to take the best care of yourself you ever have, and be able to shut out others immature and painful crap, for your own survival.

We will all be here for you no matter what.

The thingthat really shouted at me from your writing was you saying that she couldn't speak to you because she was finding your news difficult to deal with !!! well she should have some idea whats going on for you then right? bloody self centred bitch! sorry ! but yes, exactly the crap i've heard too. and its total crap.

What you have to realise is that she is a child in the body of a fully grown woman and mother, but she is still a child and she can't cope with her own emotions and other peoples worlds can't be separatefrom her own so if you have pain, then thats hers and others must take it away for her.

Focus inward, plan with your DH, and let him take over. He needs to step up and find solutions and work-rounds for things that could come up and keep her far away! Half an hour sounds way too close.

Please go very carefully, or everything will become her. If you don't keep her updated, or if you do, its all going to be too much, or not enough. A bit like when daughters of these mothers have babies, it all gets very nasty.

Forewarned is fore-armed. Steel yourself now for some very nasty childish sulky moody behaviour from her.

you work out your own plans, you lean on your DH, you lean on us, you lean on your friends and other family away from her (this will of course bring on another fit of apoplexy,but who cares). do whatever you need for you. You have to protect your space and peace.

The more you can shrink her in your mind the betteryou will be, shrink her and put a big tank over her head so you can't hear her muffledstupid words.

Sending you every strength, andcalms for lot of rest andresilience to face this head on and overcome. Treat yourself the best and put yourself first inevery way you can and you will overcome. and some good luck toyou too

smother thank you so much, your post made me teary eyed!

DH is being wonderful, he's also very angry with my parents and is tempted to give them a piece of his mind.

I had that horrible feeling this morning where I woke up wondering what happened yesterday, then that awful thud when I remembered I had an argument with my DM about my surgery.

Going to spend the day buying supplies in readiness for surgery (granny pants and attractive jogging bottoms, attractive!) then I'll read through the thread so I get to know you all better.