Boyfriend of 3 Years has Blocked me on Facebook

[PlayNice]

I've been going out with my boyfriend, who works as a fireman, for 3 years now, and 3 weeks ago he removed me from his Facebook. I've looked at it and seen that he's added 3 women, who are all single, and I can't see a connection between him and them (through work or socially). I haven't confronted him about it yet, because he'll know I've been looking. He removed me in the first place because he said I ask too many questions about it. I do ask the odd question but I don't badger him about it regularly, and tbh, Facebook has never really come up as an issue in our relationship!

Background: our relationship has been a bit on and off for the last year or so. He keeps talking about moving in together and moving our relationship forward, but seems to panic every time we get near the date. He's always said he wants a serious relationship, and so do I, but I'm beginning to worry that he's not being honest with himself or me - he's never been in a very serious relationship, and he's 45.

Please help. I'm not normally the kind of woman who'd care about Facebook or anything like that, but it feels humiliating and very odd for him to blow up and delete me so suddenly and without an explanation that I really buy.

The only thing you can do is talk to him about why he's done it. To be honest, and I suspect you know this, it sounds to me like it's over.

I think you are his "back burner" woman. Sorry.

He blocks you on FB, you block him from your life.

He's clearly wanting to present himself as single, so let him.

That's what I fear :(. But I don't want to 'ruin' things, if they are fine, by asking him about these women. It feels like I'd prove his point about me asking too many questions, despite the fact that before he started acting strangely and blocked me, I really didn't care.

Do you really have the time for this shit? What is he, 15?

Get rid

Dump him. I have never said this before on here but seriously, you have been going out for 3 years & he is 45 FFS, he has added 3 women on Facebook & deleted you. Delete him & move on. You deserve better.

Things really aren't fine when your boyfriend blocks you on Facebook. Sorry.

How can things be fine when he's pretending to be single?

Not a good sign I think. You really need to talk.

Just to add, I don't get the fireman thing, if he is a knob what difference does it make what his job is?

Things are not fine.

I suspect that he doesn't actually see himself as your boyfriend.

Get some self respect and cut him from your life.

Um yeah.

It's time to let it go, unless you're happy with the status quo. I doubt he'll ever want to take the next step. Is what you have now good enough for you?

Thank you for clarifying what I was thinking, although it's hard to accept. I will try and speak to him tonight.

I wish I knew what to say. It would be easier if I knew for certain that he was cheating, but you're right, deleting me from Facebook is a clear sign that things aren't okay.

Just say it isn't good enough for you and you've decided it's time to call it quits. You don't need to justify it more than that.

Maybe things are actually fine and he's just removed you because he sees you are insecure and he doesn't want to have to tread on egg shells every time he uses social media or considers adding somebody who Facebook who just so happens to have two X chromosomes.

When I previously had little belief in myself and was a very insecure person questioning my partner if his eyes just so happened to focus for a second too long on a passing woman, I actually hid his posts from my timeline as I knew that, if I saw a woman comment on them, I'd be questioning who she was, how she knew him, why she was commenting etc. The same for adding female friends.

I figured that the insecurity problems were my issues that I had to work on. It wasn't fair for me to treat him like a criminal every time he interacted with a female.

Often when you feel insecure though, it's because something isn't right in the relationship.

Yes but in that case things still aren't fine, and OP will need to work on herself and her insecurities. Preferably without trying to be in a relationship at the same time.

However given that he's 45 and has never been in a long term relationship, I think it's just as likely that he is commitment phobic and keeping his options open.

My dads wise words should always be heeded... I'd he doesn't worship the ground you walk on.. Fuck him off.. He had a lovely way with words but has stood me in good stead ...you are worth more!

definitely confront him about it, good luck x

finola Back Burner! What with him being a Fireman and all!

Agree with the others. It's over. Sorry you have this in your life OP. Dignified head up stance and move forward sans twat.

Things aren't fine!

Someone will no doubt come along and say how FB is the root of all evil, but FB isn't the problem here.

Your committment-phobic 'boyfriend' who adds random single women then blocks you, presumably so you can't see what he's up to on there, is the problem.

Don't confront him, don't discuss it, he'll just give you some rubbish 'explanation' - have some confidence in yourself, don't play games with a dick head who messages other women on Facebook. Just leave him.

So many women put up with second fifth rate men in their lives, it's getting depressing reading about these sort of relationships on Mumsnet.

I used to have that angst over boyfriends when I was a teenager, surely those days are over for you?

Thank you so much for all the advice. It seems that the consensus is that things aren't right, which is what my head tells me. My heart is another matter .

We've broken up and got back together before. I find it hard to give up entirely, especially when he keeps getting in touch with me, and I feel so strongly about him. I'm so happy when we're together.

There is no excuse on earth which excuses him blocking you on FB.

Block him IRL