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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend of 3 Years has Blocked me on Facebook

79 replies

PlayNice · 22/03/2015 18:00

I've been going out with my boyfriend, who works as a fireman, for 3 years now, and 3 weeks ago he removed me from his Facebook. I've looked at it and seen that he's added 3 women, who are all single, and I can't see a connection between him and them (through work or socially). I haven't confronted him about it yet, because he'll know I've been looking. He removed me in the first place because he said I ask too many questions about it. I do ask the odd question but I don't badger him about it regularly, and tbh, Facebook has never really come up as an issue in our relationship!

Background: our relationship has been a bit on and off for the last year or so. He keeps talking about moving in together and moving our relationship forward, but seems to panic every time we get near the date. He's always said he wants a serious relationship, and so do I, but I'm beginning to worry that he's not being honest with himself or me - he's never been in a very serious relationship, and he's 45.

Please help. I'm not normally the kind of woman who'd care about Facebook or anything like that, but it feels humiliating and very odd for him to blow up and delete me so suddenly and without an explanation that I really buy.

OP posts:
Original poster
PlayNice · 23/03/2015 10:02

You're right, it doesn't sound good :(. I wish I knew for sure whether he was contacting other women from dating sites. Do you think I should message one of the women he added on Facebook to ask her what's going on? It would really help to give me closure if I knew.

ForumDonkey, this guy's name begins with a D and he's mixed race.

OP posts:
forumdonkey · 23/03/2015 10:35

Op not the same one. Have you tried to find him on Old sites?

BreakingDad77 · 23/03/2015 10:36

Twinklestein - He blocks you on FB, you block him from your life

No more to add

FredaMayor · 23/03/2015 11:29

Hi PN. Much the same happened to me some years ago. Enough signs were there and I just refused to read them, but they were there like they are for you now. Nobody deserves to be strung along like this person has been doing. Have strength, use a friend/family support network if you can to get past this unfair relationship, and don't be ashamed of what's happened - it's because you, at least, have feelings. Take care.

HavenKimmel · 23/03/2015 11:46

See whether you can find him on Tinder - very popular with the fire service. Very popular with men who aren't single too. The app connects to facebook so it would figure that he's blocked you on there.

You can safely assume he's up to no good, I think that much is obvious.

pocketsaviour · 23/03/2015 11:53

Do you think I should message one of the women he added on Facebook to ask her what's going on?

No, it will make you look paranoid. And if they say "Yes, I just started at the station last week" you'll have an excuse not to end it, despite the relationship not going anywhere.

Honestly, I'm starting to worry now that my male colleagues might have to put up with the third degree from their partners if I add them on FB! Confused

I'm sorry, but you can see from his actions that he doesn't want to commit, and it doesn't seem like he ever will. If you are happy with what is essentially a FWB relationship, that's fine. If you want more, I think you are going to have to look elsewhere. I'm sorry :(

Metalgoddess · 23/03/2015 12:09

Get rid, things are definitely not right, he wouldn't block you if he had nothing to hide.

binspin · 23/03/2015 16:44

You don't trust him.
He can't commit.
Neither of you can communicate.

The end?

swazza · 23/03/2015 16:51

At the very very best he is treating you disrespectfully (aka like shit).

Even if he isn't actually cheating yet he does not seem to have much respect for you or your feelings.

Get out now. Why stay for more of the same?

2rebecca · 23/03/2015 16:58

I think that whether or not he is dating other women is irrelevant, if my husband wanted to delete me from facebook we would have big relationship issues, if we weren't married or living together I'd take it as a sign that things were over. If you can't manage to share Facebook stuff then you are doomed.
If you are always belittling him on Facebook or making sarky comments then he may have a point but he should have told you to back off a bit and treat him with more respect rather than just block you.
He sounds immature and not that in to you.

Original poster
PlayNice · 23/03/2015 17:57

Thanks for all your comments which confirm that he is being totally unreasonable and is likely to be moving on before ending things with me! I have checked dating sites but cannot find him. Perhaps he is on E-harmony where you cannot do a search .......... strangely, he did not. call me last night and I have not had the heart to call him.

OP posts:
hhhhhhh · 25/03/2015 11:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ptumbi · 25/03/2015 13:03

I wish I knew for sure whether he was contacting other women from dating sites. Do you think I should message one of the women he added on Facebook to ask her what's going on? It would really help to give me closure if I knew. - your name's not Ivy, is it? Sad

Not trying to be hurtful OP but you are way too clingy with this loser. He is just not that into you. Get closure if you need to, but not by abasing yourself to him or to the women (you don't know) on FB. He is acting like a single guy - let him. Let him go. You are worth more.

DoJo · 25/03/2015 13:35

But I don't want to 'ruin' things, if they are fine, by asking him about these women.

But it's not fine - you are unhappy! Even if he thinks this is perfectly normal behaviour for someone in a loving relationship, that doesn't tally with what you would expect, so don't let him be the one who has sole jurisdiction over what you should consider acceptable behaviour.

AuntieDee · 25/03/2015 13:41

Not even taking into account the facebook thing, he is 45 and you have been together for 3 years and you aren't yet living together? That says to me that you aren't in a serious relationship, just someone he 'sees' from time to time. This isn't normal at this age - fair enough if in your 20s and having never lived with anyone before.

Milllli · 25/03/2015 13:41

If you are belittling him and making sarcastic comments then maybe he has had enough and is about to end things anyway. Why did you do that?

Greenteagirl · 25/03/2015 14:20

Hi.

I've been in a relationship with my bloke for 5 years. We live together and have a relatively good relationship. I am insecure. He doesn't help. He reactivated his fb a year ago, he never had it whilst been with me and I only found out when my dd told me he was on there. Anyway I thought he would request friendship but told me he didn't want to be my friend because In his eyes he didn't want me questioning everything, basically using my insecurity as an excuse. One evening after we had an argument about something diff he added me. I then saw that he had uploaded pics of himself I had took of him on holiday last year. There was none of us and believe me we had some lovely pics taken. I immediately asked him and he didn't make a big deal out of it. In fact couldn't really say why he only put pics up of him. To me he is portraying himself as a single man and it hurt. He doesn't agree and just stated he put a few pics on but can understand why it would make me feel upset.

I since removed myself from his fb after telling him that it really hurt my feelings. Since then I am trying to not focus on just the fb issue however as I become more self confident I realise I don't want a man that can't add me on fb yet adds his pretty little hairdresser!! His words.... It continues to bug me daily and I am starting to resent him. I see couples posting selfies on themselves and my bloke ain't got one pic of us or ever wants one...... Just need to man up really and move on

ptumbi · 25/03/2015 15:01

Where does the OP say she belittled him and made sarcastic comments, Millli?

Milllli · 25/03/2015 15:18

I'm so sorry. I read 2rebeccas post and thought I had missed something when skimming through so presumed she had read something I hadn't. Also mixed up with another thread. My sincere apologies. Will read properly in future Sad Blush

BreakingDad77 · 25/03/2015 15:33

Greenteagirl - I don't think being with someone who is hiding there Facebook status/activity from you is going to help with your self worth as its re-enforcing that your not of good enough value to him.

You have been going out for 5 years!!!! His responses sound like your still dating. Set up a fake profile and try to chat him up.

unnaturalmakeup · 25/03/2015 15:38

Greenteagirl You will get better responses if you start your own post, generally. If there is a thread already going it can get confusing for all if someone else adds their own different problem.

Greenteagirl · 25/03/2015 16:17

Apologies. I justed wanted her to know she isn't alone

unnaturalmakeup · 25/03/2015 16:38

Oh no need to apologise! Sorry if it came off like I was telling you off. I just thought you might be looking for responses to your own post.

Original poster
PlayNice · 25/03/2015 20:56

I don't think I am too clingy. This is a person who has spent most of his time with me for the last 3 years and talks about us living together all the time. Having said that, it hasn't happened and he is treating me with a complete lack of respect. His loss! I will move on and be with a man who is honest. Until then I will enjoy life and make the most of time with friends and family. I am so lucky to have them.

Thank you all. This has helped to clear the doubt and uncertainty.

OP posts:
steerpike82 · 26/03/2015 06:19

45? Seriously? Good grief, get rid & find a grown up!