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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend of 3 Years has Blocked me on Facebook

79 replies

PlayNice · 22/03/2015 18:00

I've been going out with my boyfriend, who works as a fireman, for 3 years now, and 3 weeks ago he removed me from his Facebook. I've looked at it and seen that he's added 3 women, who are all single, and I can't see a connection between him and them (through work or socially). I haven't confronted him about it yet, because he'll know I've been looking. He removed me in the first place because he said I ask too many questions about it. I do ask the odd question but I don't badger him about it regularly, and tbh, Facebook has never really come up as an issue in our relationship!

Background: our relationship has been a bit on and off for the last year or so. He keeps talking about moving in together and moving our relationship forward, but seems to panic every time we get near the date. He's always said he wants a serious relationship, and so do I, but I'm beginning to worry that he's not being honest with himself or me - he's never been in a very serious relationship, and he's 45.

Please help. I'm not normally the kind of woman who'd care about Facebook or anything like that, but it feels humiliating and very odd for him to blow up and delete me so suddenly and without an explanation that I really buy.

OP posts:
binspin · 22/03/2015 18:29

But in his head you aren't together.

ImperialBlether · 22/03/2015 18:32

You deserve better. He is telling you in no uncertain terms that his life is none of your business. If he talks to other single women, none of your business. He's also telling other people that he has nothing to do with you.

Find someone worth having - you deserve so much better than this.

SanityClause · 22/03/2015 18:33

Why should you be embarrassed to tell your boyfriend of 3 years that you were looking on his facebook! 3 years!

I'm so sorry this is happening to you, but please don't waste another minute on someone who is not that into you.

lottiesatitagain · 22/03/2015 20:33

It's over op. Not least because he won't move in with you.

Dump him tonight. Just say it is not working for you. Block him on Facebook and move on with your life. He will never change and to be honest it sounds like he is about to break up with you anyway.

goshhhhhh · 22/03/2015 20:37

I very rarely say this. Move on.

Just not worth it (& I am going to indoctrinate my daughter with the if he doesn't worship the ground you walk on...mantra)

sapphirestars · 22/03/2015 21:15

What a horrible thing to do :-( poor op. You definitely deserve better than that xxx

Nerf · 22/03/2015 21:23

Dh drives me up the fucking wall asking me about Facebook stuff on my page to be fair, and I have blocked him.

Blondii · 22/03/2015 21:30

If you are not living together yet or he hasn't proposed then it is unlikely to happen. You know when a man is in love with you. You just know. You have no doubts of how he feels or where he wants to be. Its with you.

meandjulio · 22/03/2015 21:37

But you're not happy, you're asking strangers on the internet what it all means and worrying. Good relationships don't normally include that.

You COULD try coming off FB and staying with him, if the relationship is actually great and you have problems with jealousy which previous partners have pointed out that you need to work on.

TendonQueen · 22/03/2015 21:38

Sorry but there's no good interpretation of this. It really is best to decide that enough is enough. I know you said you feel happy when you're with him, but you've got to balance that against time spent worrying over shit on Facebook. He sounds very immature and I'm sure you deserve better.

Mom2K · 22/03/2015 23:08

I think you should raise your standards OP. Your bf, despite being 45, sounds immature and uncommitted. My ex used to add random women on facebook too. Among other things...that was just the tip of the iceberg. Doesn't mean your OH is the same but your relationship definitely does not sound healthy. The fact that you have broken up and gotten back together on more than one occasion indicates that there are problems which have not, and probably will not, go away. The facebook thing is just another crappy thing to add to the pile.

Sorry OP, but I think you should move on from him. He doesn't sound great.

expatinscotland · 22/03/2015 23:17

What Ragwort said. This guy is a total time waster. No confronting, just, 'This doesn't work for me anymore. Time for me to move on for good. Bye.'

trappedinsuburbia · 22/03/2015 23:23

In 3 years we had moved in, got engaged and had a baby. Time to move on.

TheChandler · 22/03/2015 23:50

I haven't confronted him about it yet, because he'll know I've been looking.

Who cares! Its your Facebook, ie he's not friends with you any longer. Its the sort of thing you should be able to ask your boyfriend about (well it shouldn't actually happen in the first place, but its so obvious he's a rat who is messing about with other women).

Just dump him.

lunalelle · 23/03/2015 00:04

Where there's smoke, there's fire, I say. Time to put this one out!

Seriously, though...I was married to DH in just under three years and we are mid thirties.

forumdonkey · 23/03/2015 07:20

I was talking to a fireman on OLD recently - he was very keen eg messages when I woke and then when I got home from work. I blocked him due to his 'delay' on adding me on FB. FB is a good indicator as to what they say is true. I suspected a wife/partner. First name started with N

forumdonkey · 23/03/2015 07:35

OP it could be a shot in the dark and an absolute coincidence, but the age fits and I was in contact end of Feb till very beginning of March.

FenellaFellorick · 23/03/2015 07:47

He blocks you on facebook because he doesn't want you to be seen by others on his facebook or for you to see him on his facebook.

There may be several reasons for that, but I know which one is most likely.

He's blocked you. It would be odd to not ask him why!

Christelle2207 · 23/03/2015 08:16

Sorry OP you need to get rid.

Pagwatch · 23/03/2015 08:25

The fact that he has blocked you is not the biggest issue. The biggest issue is that you are wringing your hands trying to figure out what it means.

You have been in an on/off relationship with him for three years but have such poor communication and emotional intimacy that you can't say 'oi, what's this Facebook malarkey all about?'

That's not a relationship that actually means anything.

Christinayang1 · 23/03/2015 08:36

He's 45, you have been together for three years, you don't know where it is going and you cant have an honest conversation with him?

Op its time to move on

redautumnleaves · 23/03/2015 08:39

He is 45 but behaves like a 4.5 year old. Dump him. He won't change and you can't change him. It is over. Keep some dignity and walk away to better things.

ineedabodytransplant · 23/03/2015 09:45

Any way you can be-friend the other women and then talk about how your wonderful boyfriend 'name' of three years is a fireman etc.?

I don't do Facebook so not sure about what you can do Grin

Seriously, OP. Three years and you don't like to ask him something? Just ask on here about red flags, you'll probably get some good indicators on how he actually sees you

Good luck

hhhhhhh · 23/03/2015 09:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blazing88 · 23/03/2015 09:54

He's a dickhead.

Seriously. 45? Get rid. You can do so much better.

What is it with women putting up with this shit??! Stop making excuses. And that's not just to you OP, it's to all the women giving reasons for this crap!!!

Don't waste another 3 minutes. Never mind another 3 years !

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