mil goes to check ds while he's sleeping

[22ann]

my dh & i took our ds round to f&mil's @ weekend and she really annoyed me & dh by going into where our ds was sleeping to check on him when we have said before that we don't want anyone going in disturbing him. he usually has a couple of hours sleep @ lunchtime but it was cut short by half an hour. this made him grissly later on & us fumming. she also took ds out of the room where dh & i was without even saying anything to us. she came back after saying ds was bonding with his uncle.

So morningpaper, just because YOU are desperate for someone to take your children into another room, everyone else who doesn't feel the same way as YOU is neurotic and wrong basically?

How nice for 22an to be dismissed as idiotic, immature and silly.

Right the waking sleeping child up I can see as irritating because it can have an effect on the day. But the other room thing is just OTT.

Winkywola I didn't say that anyone was idiotic, immature, silly, and neurotic.

Calm down fgs.

I am calm. I just know what it feels like to have a controlling MIL marching all over you when especially as a new mother, you feel very vulnerable.

I was referring to someone else about the idiotic, silly comments.

she took him in to another room for gods sake, she did not try to sell him on ebay, let him juggle knives, or give him crack cocain, get over it and get a life.

like its already been said on this thread that we all have different parenting skills. Noone is wrong or right, and 22ann was asking for advice and just giving her concerns, which she is entitled to.

I think its laughable that it's been pointed out that someone who thinks its out of order for THEIR lo to be taken into another room without being informed is either 19 or idiotic..!!
I;m actually 27 and not an idiot. I just have concern for my dd and fear that dd could come into harm with either sets of parents. Both are not young chickens or as abled bodied as dh & I so my main concern was for them falling down stairs with dd etc. Sure this could happen with dh or I..I would eal with that at the time iykwim.

Cod, "shhj ihtink thast bad
i htink you need to haev more to your life than sol career for your kid
i htnk mums hwo dont go out for a hsort while and leave their kdis IME are smothering adn ov over proticetive "
I do have a life thankyou very much. DH 7 I go out for meals etc and dd is left asleep with either gp's for a few hours or dh minds dd while I go out. BUT it's my choice NOT to leave dd with either gp's during the day as I actually enjoy my time with dd. Surley thats not a crime..!! I don't have a go at anyone who leave's their lo's with people during the day so I don't expect the same..Again we all have individual parenting skills.!! BTW dd loves spending every minute with me .

What a silly post kimi. How unhelpful.

I think Greensleeves post is spot on (sorry, don't like the expression spot on, but my english is limited...). Absolutely agree.
It depends on the context.
but honestly, she just walked a few meters away...

I think that when yr parents are very considerate and always ask before doing anything or offer help in a productive way it makes it harder when yr in laws are the complete opposite and ignore yr requests. U r after all the parents of the child, ok they r the grandparents but u r bringing up the baby the way u want it to be brought up and thats yr choice and u r entitled to do that. Yr in laws need to respect yr wishes and people who r slating 22ann just remember it takes 2 to make the relationship work, in laws need to b reasonable to and that means respecting wishes of their son and daughter in law.

When DS1 was about 4 weeks old and I was exclusively breastfeeding, we were staying with my ILs and I went for a nap while he slept too (in another room downstairs). I asked them to wake me when he woke a couple of hours later for a feed.

About three hours later I woke up with hugely full and painful breasts and went downstairs to find that he had woken up an hour previously and they had given him a bottle of formula.
I still, to this day, cannot forgive them - I was shaking I was so angry. It has permanently undermined my relationship with them, eroded my trust and even affected my relationship with my DH and I was appalled that he let them do it, when he knew my views on breastfeeding.

I KNOW, from the look he gave me at the time, my FIL viewed it as a personal victory - he was always opposed to BF. Now, nearly 7 years later it still makes me angry to think about it.

God, what a wanker your FIL is, Gameboy.

Sorry, I was compelled to say that.

Gameboy - I would have HIT THE ROOF. x

Gameboy, I think I might have killed him.

i would have committed such acts of violence that the written word can barely describe them. (would have removed child from room first)

You see - Gameboys post puts the whole "waking a 9 month old" thing into perspective.

If you were american you would have sued FIL for this.

That is so entirely out of order gameboy that I do not know what to say.

Speechless here too - so out of order it's beyond the pale, Gameboy. What a stupid, selfish thing to do - I'd never forgive that & poor you for being saddled with gits like that for ILs.

gameboy I think what your IL's did is disgraceful. How you did not scop your DC and march out of the house I dod not know. If DH did'nt support me like that I would feel completely defenceless.

I have never forgiven my FIL for saying all veggies are yuk - so DD refuses to touch them now without a barter for something else.

I realy dont have much time for my IL's who must completely be the centre of attnetion around the GC's for their own personal pleasure and nothing to do with the happiness of the child.
However like some said, they have an aunt who spoils them, gets on the floor, crawls under tables etc and if she is with them I have no worries at all.

I think the whole point of this thread is to do with the relationship you have foged with your IL's (and parents in some cases) and how you feel about thier actions.

Shhhh my mother did take dd out of the room and downstairs and DID fall downstairs with her in her arms. She deliberatley contrived to fall so dd was competely unhurt whereas DM was knocked out. Dd was screaming, DM was silent and still - who do you think the first one i ran to was?

I do have sympathy with the MIL debate - I am furious often with my MIL - recently she told my ds that he could not go in the front seat of the car ' becasue mummy does not like it' not becasue it is unsafe FGS. Also she gives all her attention to dd and ignores ds so he then misbehaves to get attention whereupon he gets told off and sent home But I get round that but making sure she only sees one at a time, at a time of MY choosing and NEVER drives them anywhere.

She is very much of the 'distract; do not tell off brigade - when dh has told ds off she says 'oh, shall i just go and give him xxx' completely undermining the discipline we use, but then i just say calmly, 'no thank you he is xxx' and thankfully dh agrees on those things as he suffers the bad behaviour on Mondays when i have an afternoon off!

I think ground rules have to be laid and if your dh is supportive so much the better (my dh thinks MIL can do no wrong!)

I do think they have some good advice tho - I often ask my mother's advice when i have tried everything i can think of - sometimes it is a case of being too close to things and a more objective viewpoint is helpful.

thanks to those who sent supportive advice.
after mil went into room where ds was sleeping my dh & i were cross that our wishes of him not to be disturbed were ignored. i think we were feeling a bit stressed by that & dh has said he will mention something to her if it happens again.

we have always remained really in the same room altogether when being visited/visiting family apart from when we go to change ds/put him down to sleep/in early summer when we didn't have a routine & we'd be all eating & ds was crying realatives would walk him round the garden where we could see him. i realise that my dh & i were a bit over sensitive about mil walking off into next room with ds, we just weren't really used to it.
i don't think that qualifies me to be an alpha female/an idiot/controlling person, unfortunately i cannot claim to be 19!

the bf incident was totally out of order & very thoughtless of inl you must of felt so undermined & angry