Dear Dh - You need to wake up to what you're doing to our relationship before it really is too late.
There's currently a huge elephant in every room we both frequent and it won't go away, it follows us to the car, in public and I'm so so sick of it.
Yes I remember that I agreed to reduce my sex drive so that we matched a bit better - this wasn't an issue so I happily agreed. What I didn't and would never agree to is celibacy within a relationship - you decided that alone.
It's been over 6 months since we last were intimate and only then was TTC, I can't really remember the last time we had sex because of desire - last May, I think.
We are mid 30's, I've given it time but I just can't see our otherwise good relationship lasting - we are perfect for each other in most other area's of our relationship but this is a deal breaker.
I'm sure you can see, as you are not blind, that I'm slowly pulling away from you. We lie in the same bed at night but we may as well be miles apart. I often cry at night after you've gone to sleep - I feel so empty and rejected.
You've noticed my reaction when you slap my arse or kiss the back of my neck while out in public - you should be happy that all you get is only a scowl as I move away. I really would like to scream at you
''If you don't want to fuck me then don't fucking touch me''
I haven't, yet, but it's getting more and more difficult to control.
You know the problem is huge - I made the decision to stop TTC, you've been told after you questioned my fertile times that I don't want to bring a baby into an already broken relationship. Still you've done nothing.
I've tried Dh, many times, you know that but now I won't even attempt to make the first move as I know I'll be pushed away and the rejection cripples me. I don't recognise the person I've become - I used to be confident, always happy and positive but now I'm miserable, sad, lonely and constantly doubt my own worth - I hate you for that.
I feel like you are punishing me for something but I don't know what.
I know you hate it when I say it but it's true, we live like brother and sister. I don't need a brother Dh.
I heard you when you've previously told me that it's not me, you do love me, find me attractive, want me, that you just don't have much of a libido etc.etc.etc. I don't know if it's all true but I'll answer a question you've been asking yourself recently.....
You know when I come back from walking the dog or the shop or even having a bath and I'm sometimes a bit off with you, maybe quiet or I just look sad? Yes? It's because I know you've been wanking, you know exactly how I know because I've told you. So you see Dh if you can devote time and energy most days, sometimes more than once a day, to your self service then you are a LIAR about your libido. I'm seriously losing all respect for you, you can feel that can't you?
Very soon I will bring up the subject AGAIN. This time I will suggest and try to insist you visit a sex or relationship counsellor to help you decide what the fuck is going on in your head - you can go alone if you wish.
If you point blank refuse or again tell me that you don't have a problem, which is your choice. I will start making arrangements to leave you, which is my choice.
P.S - You'll never know how close I have come to willingly entering an opportunity to cheat on you. A guy I met through something me and the dog do on a weekend paid me a lot of attention and eventually invited me for 'coffee'. I admit the thought crossed my mind but I declined and have since tried to avoid being around him - I suppose I should thank you as you've helped my self-esteem get somewhere near ground level I now seriously can't imagine why anyone would want me if my own husband doesn't - so high five to you Dh.
Phew! that feels a bit better :)
To all on thread.