So, every Tuesday... (warning - a bit gross, and relatively trivial)

[EndOfTheConveyor]

I noticed with fond amusement (from bin evidence and once from walking in) that every Tuesday afternoon for the last couple of months DH has had a wank.
Obviously, this in itself is no issue at all.

However, it has transpired (because it came up in conversation, and he mentioned it quite openly although a little bashfully) that this is directly related to a sexy business client he sees (in public, at an open-plan office) every Tuesday morning. I mean, she is clearly so sexy that he has to come straight home and have a wank about her every time he sees her. I have now Googled her and, yes, she looks like Angelina's sexier sister. She apparently flirts with him and has checked out whether or not he is single (he's rather attractive, my DH). He has made it clear that he isn't single and, well, that's that.

Is it odd that this sort of matters to me (although I've not let on to DH that it does)?

*tbh

That's taking being open and honest to the extreme, why on earth has he told you. I'd be absolutely livid. Tbh I'd lose all respect for him. He sounds rather pathetic.

I can't understand how anyone could be ok with their OH being so sexually turned on by a work colleague/client that they would need to relieve themselves every time they met. Really? I would be furious.

But he only told the OP because she kept on nagging and pestering and demanding to know. And, of course, it may not be the truth in any case. His actual wank fantasy might be about sticking it to Po off the Tellytubbies or being buggered by a horse, but 'amazingly hot work colleague' is the sort of fantasy that's within the bounds of normal and the sort you wouldn't reveal without a lot of pressure.

Fantasies are normal.

Wanking about people you know/don't know is normal.

Admitting to wanking about someone you work with to your monogamous partner is unusual.

I think the conversation you had with your partner is the problem. I understand why you pushed for details, you wanted the intimacy that goes with complete honesty. Unfortunately the honesty is hard to handle, it has shifted the dynamic of your relationship because the conversation you had with your DP is more of a matey conversation. It's unusual to tell someone that you love and fancy that you are regularly wanking over someone else in real life.
You have realised this now and presumably will go forward with your DP allowing each other privacy of thought and fantasy.

His indiscretion is another issue. Now you know that he is doing this every Tuesday in not sure how you deal with that, you can't unknow it.

Hi. Me again. Thanks for all the replies, particularly all the understanding and supportive posts.

he only told the OP because she kept on nagging and pestering and demanding to know
This quite an exaggeration and I don't really know where you got it from, SGB. You're right that I stupidly asked (twice), but not in the way you imply. DH is constitutionally honest, and told me readily. Yes, I wish to some extent that I hadn't asked. No, I don't wish he had lied (probably).

We've had a chat about it now, and DH has said precisely what someone wise upthread said about "avatars" and "cartoonish" images. He was mortified that I was upset, understood why I was, and has apologised for the indiscretion (only tissues in a bin, TBH, but I happen to empty this bin daily) - and reassured me.

I may, however, take anyfucker's advice and perhaps leave a half-clad picture of a nice fit friend of mine on my bedside table every Thursday morning

You do that

and a Big fat Fuck Off Vibrator next to it

A few more things I've realised I should respond to:

To whoever asked whether he works at home anyway, yes he does on a Tuesday afternoon.

To the people who think being fantasized about is a kind of insult.. this is interesting. I have never found this idea remotely horrible, myself.

And to the people commenting on the "interesting first thread", etc., please feel free to ask MNHQ, who will, I'm sure, confirm I'm an oldie (you get why I'd NC for this, right?).

OP I think that some privacy (and possibly the odd white lie) are a healthy part of a long term monogamous relationship in this area. I used to value total openness and felt that it increased intimacy but knowing too much about each other can be uncomfortable. In my current relationship we afford each other more privacy, eg we haven't discussed numbers of previous partners (but have had sti tests) and that can be good and healthy too. We think we want to know everything about our partners but actually we don't. If I knew who my DPs crushes were I might compare myself to them and be jealous etc. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss.

What's her name so we can google her I'm sure she's a not as hot as you think

I have been reading this thread but have not posted yet.

I was just thinking though that, if I was the OP in this situation, & my dh was finding it necessary to relieve himself at the first opportunity after meeting with this woman, I wouldn't be able to get out of my head that he must be thinking/fantasising about her more than just on Tuesdays!

Surely it's not just the prompt of physically seeing her that causes the stirring in his loins - if he finds her that sexually attractive she must be in his mind a lot. That is what I would find difficult to come to terms with....almost like there is another person involved in the relationship - the same real-life person, on a regular basis iyswim, not just someone random and different every time.

It's not like he feels like a wank & so conjures up an image of someone he finds sexy to help him along...being in her company makes him need to wank. That's two completely different things in my book.

And, with the apparent mutual attraction going on, it seems to be sort of sliding into EA territory. (Maybe way off the mark but just seems to me that it could go there)

Mama has it in a nutshell.