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Original poster

So, every Tuesday... (warning - a bit gross, and relatively trivial)

112 replies

EndOfTheConveyor · 11/03/2015 22:08

I noticed with fond amusement (from bin evidence and once from walking in) that every Tuesday afternoon for the last couple of months DH has had a wank.
Obviously, this in itself is no issue at all.

However, it has transpired (because it came up in conversation, and he mentioned it quite openly although a little bashfully) that this is directly related to a sexy business client he sees (in public, at an open-plan office) every Tuesday morning. I mean, she is clearly so sexy that he has to come straight home and have a wank about her every time he sees her. I have now Googled her and, yes, she looks like Angelina's sexier sister. She apparently flirts with him and has checked out whether or not he is single (he's rather attractive, my DH). He has made it clear that he isn't single and, well, that's that.

Is it odd that this sort of matters to me (although I've not let on to DH that it does)?

OP posts:

Fontella · 12/03/2015 11:27

Paranoia?

You walk in on your old man having a wank and he tells you he's wanking over a woman at work and does so every Tuesday after he's seen her in the office. A woman who has flirted with him, asked if he's single and who obviously fancies him.

On what planet would being worried by that that be called paranoia - because it ain't on planet earth that's for sure.

SolidGoldBrass · 12/03/2015 12:07

Everyone has a right to wank over whoever and whatever they like (I do mean metaphorically NOT jizzing on the back of someone's coat or whatever).
Because sex with the same person does get boring after a few years, most people fantasize about someone/something else now and again even while actually doing it. This is not a problem. We are all entitled to our own private thoughts.

And the fact remains that, if your partner is going to start having sex with someone else, there is nothing you can do to stop it happening. Crying, begging, paranoia, spying, threats... None of it will work. People remain monogamous because they have decided that it will suit them better to do so - they weigh the comfortable, pleasant life they have with a partner against the excitement of sex with someone new and decide that the potential damage isn't worth it. Or, if the existing partner is unsatisfactory in some way - or they think they are capable of having the affair and not getting found out, or perhaps of being forgiven - they might go for it.
Monogamy is not natural and it's unsurprising that so many people get bored with it. If wank fantasies act as a safety valve that prevent tiresome upheavals and badly hurt feelings, then surely that's a good thing.

AnyFucker · 12/03/2015 12:36

absolutely, and everybody has the right to reject this kind of boundary-less randy dog behaviour in a so called partner

JohnFarleysRuskin · 12/03/2015 12:45

Does he actually take every Tuesday afternoon off work expressly to have a wank over his Tuesday morning meeting?

mommathatwearspink · 12/03/2015 12:51

I'm horrified that your DH would even admit this to you

SensationalGirl · 12/03/2015 14:05

Who says he even has a chance with her? He claims she was flirting but for all we know she was making conversation and he, like lots of men thought her general chit chat was blatant flirting.

Sure, this incredibly beautiful woman wants the married office worker she sees once a week. Miss beautiful takes whatever scraps are thrown her way.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 12/03/2015 14:08

I don't think that's necessarily true. She might fancy him. Why not?

I've seen some incredibly beautiful women go out with some right twats (not that the DH is a twat).

They don't all hold out for Daniel Craig - as I am :)

tinks4 · 12/03/2015 14:12

I think it's odd that you think it shouldn't matter to you.

Your DH has had conversations with another woman where they have discussed that she finds him attractive and when he has seen her he not only fantasizes about her but he has a wank over her on a weekly basis.

They are attracted to each other and have discussed that. He might have willpower now but it doesn't mean it will stay that way if he continuously fuels the fantasy which he is very much doing.

Even if you totally trust him I wouldn't personally take it as a compliment that he's admitted wanking over her to you. I think it's insensitive and shows you a lack of respect.

How are you going to feel next Tuesday, are you going to think 'oh my lovely DH will be having a wank over another woman now, isn't that nice'

alwayslookingforsomething · 12/03/2015 14:35

JohnFarleyRuskin I am holding out for Daniel Craig too!!!

Chattymummyhere · 12/03/2015 15:12

I think the other part is op says it's an open plan office, so what if it had his own closed office would he do it there at work? And is this the only reason nothing has happened.

It seems strange to feel the need to wank every time he see's her and the fact he has told you, he could of told another story surely, or what if this is another story and its a pre-sex wank, or something she has actually asked him to do in a sort of sub/Dom way

Rosieliveson · 12/03/2015 15:27

I know I'd be upset about this. I would feel betrayed too. To know that my husband is so sexually attracted to another woman that he has to act on it would not sit well with me at all.

PreviouslyMal · 12/03/2015 15:58

Monogamy is perfectly natural to those of us who actually are monogamous, and as for someone who has never had a very long term relationship to say that sex gets boring after a few years .
If my husband told me he regularly fantasised about the same person ( especially from a RL situation) I would be devastated and that's after 30 years of marriage.
It's quite sickening, he's pretty obsessed with her if it's true , I would hate to be that object woman of his desires, I would feel totally violated to know that some random sleaze was using me as a masturbatory aid

AnyFucker · 12/03/2015 17:02

That phone would be mine. If this were real.

AnyFucker · 12/03/2015 17:03

Were you previously Mal Mal ?

PuellaEstCornelia · 12/03/2015 17:30

Fontella - wish I did work with Khal Drogo!
I think the think about monogomy is you don't stop fancying other people, you just don't DO anything about it. I suppose it depends if the OP trusts her husband or not.
And I agree with whoever says that you can't police anyone's thoughts, or I'd be up for GBH or murder at least once a week.
Maybe it's a case of asking that one question too much?

Original poster

EndOfTheConveyor · 12/03/2015 17:41

Sorry I've not been back (work) and thanks for the responses.

So, one thing is clear - I'm not mad to feel uncomfortable about this.

This does upset me, but I really don't understand people calling DH a cunt and suchlike. It's only his thoughts which are the problem to me really. I have no reason to suspect he has ever got close to being unfaithful in 15 years, and I'm very happy with our relationship. As is he. Perhaps he shouldn't have told me, but I shouldn't have asked, probably, and given that I did I'm not sure I'd want him to lie. I don't know. Posting about this has probably made it more of an issue than it is.

For those asking whether this is real, I suppose I can understand why (although I'd be a pretty tedious troll if I was one). But yes, it's real.

Thanks again to all.

OP posts:

Original poster

EndOfTheConveyor · 12/03/2015 17:43

I'll chat to DH about it this evening and let him know I don't think it's great behaviour. I'm not sure I want to encourage him to hide things from me, though, so perhaps I'd better learn not to ask if I don't want to know.

OP posts:

SolidGoldBrass · 12/03/2015 17:46

Guess what, someone, somewhere, who you have no sexual interest in, probably has had a wank over thoughts of you at least once. There is nothing wrong with having a wank and thinking about colleagues/the gorgeous person who gets on the same bus as we do every morning/the gorgeous person we saw walking in the park at lunchtime, the gorgeous person who lives across the road and once wandered through his/bedroom in a half-dressed state without having drawn the curtains...
It's blatantly obvious - as well as understandable - that many people get bored with longterm monogamy. Sure, some don't, but then some people would rather have sex with root vegetables than with another person anyway. It's not unreasonable to decide that obeying convention and sticking with your officially sanctioned monogamous partner because you have a good life together is what you want to do even though s/he is less of a sex god/dess than before or has lost interest in sex. But it's pretty harsh to be told that your official partner has a right of ownership over your fantasies as well as your genitalia.

The OP nagged at her partner until he admitted the details of his wank fantasy. If she doesn't like what she heard, she shouldn't have asked.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 12/03/2015 17:47

So were you really pressing him on it- in a 'bet you think of her' kind of way?
Because that didn't really leave him anywhere to go...

Does he come home for the wank or is he at home anyway? because turning this into his tues wank break would do my head in.

kissedbyamoonbeammyarse · 12/03/2015 17:52

He only wanks on a Tuesday? No other day? Because if my DH flaunted his wanking schedule in front of me, I am damn sure I wouldn't notice one particular day on any given week being any more regular than others.
Happily, he is more discreet than your DH.

rosepetalsoup · 12/03/2015 18:21

Just turning this round, wouldn't it be awful if you knew that one of your colleagues always went home and wanked about you after meetings?!

JohnFarleysRuskin · 12/03/2015 18:27

It wouldn't be that awful.

rosepetalsoup · 12/03/2015 18:31

Your colleagues must be much more like Daniel Craig than mine.

Charlie97 · 12/03/2015 18:33

I think solidgoldbrass talks a lot of sense.

The only thing I would find "irritating" is the evidence, I would expect him to be discreet.

handfulofcottonbuds · 12/03/2015 18:33

My STBXH wanked into socks over OW - and left them under the bed!

I would have preferred it if he used tissues.

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