Honestly, when you go out for a meal..

[obviouslyneedsupernanny]

Not necessarily anywhere special, even just breakfast in a cafe, is there much conversation over the meal? Basic small talk, actual interesting conversation, or total silence?

We talk. Occasional quiet moment but not awkward. We also people watch...And make up scenarios about them..
If on occasion it was a bit quiet I'd say something like....wonder what a people watcher would say about us at this moment... And he just laughs, and we start talking again.

If DH checked his phone, that's ok....but def not sit and look at it. He wouldn't do it.

I'd be having words with dp of 7 months. Next time he suggested dinner I'd say I prefer to do something else as it's so boring to sit in silence......better at home washing hair or painting nails !!

I'm not a big talker, but DH and I chat while having dinner, no looking at phones.

We talk but if it's lunch in the week DH will have his phone handy. This is because the nature of the business is that his agenda can change at the drop of a hat and many clients are in different time zones.

Weekends and evenings we have phone free meals and there is always conversación.

We've been together for over 20 years.

Has he always been like that OP or has it suddenly changed? What is he like when food/restaurant is not involved?

Yes. DH and I never shut up yapping to one another. We've been together 25 years. I think that's one of the secrets of staying happy actually, always being interested in what the other has to say, and thinking of new things to talk about.

We are capable of sitting in companionable silence as well of course, but a meal out is not really the time to do that, is it? It's should be a sociable time.

For us, the more formal the setting, or the more contrived "romantic" , the harder it is to chat naturally.

Well if you don't actually want to be with someone this is how you act. Uninterested, can't be bothered, moody, sulky.

The number of awkward 'forced' meals eg birthdays/celebrations I had to endure with ex where neither of us wanted to be there. I would make an effort to be lively and chat, he would be his miserable self.

I would question his feelings for you. And tell him where to go.

We always chat - although there's no bloody silence in our house so sometimes if it's quiet we might just enjoy it.

I work with a man who will chat sometimes but seems never to feel the social need to make any sort of conversation. If there's only two of you in the staff room eating lunch it's so awkward! You don't need to talk a lot, but say something! There's plenty of places to go if you want silence.

Eating out with a captive DH is great. I often use the time to list his many faults and suggest various ways to correct them, he will read the paper if one's available.

We have been married a long time.

We went for a meal on our 2nd date. Neither of us looked at our phones. We talked about that later and both said we were so relieved the other one had not got phone out, as we both thought it was so fucking rude that it would have been a dealbreaker and we'd not have wanted to see them again.

Talking. Yes, we talk, not non-stop, sometimes there is a companionable silence, especially when the food's just arrived! Sometimes we'll go to the pub on Sunday with big fat Sunday paper and eat and both read our way through it all. But we also talk. Sometimes small talk/mundane stuff. Sometimes bigger conversations.

I had an ex who hated talking and it was such hard work. I know what you mean about always trying to make the effort and not getting anywhere. I'm actually a bit on the introvert side and not massively chatty-chatty, but FFS if you are both sitting in silence ignoring each other, what's the point of even being there?

What amazes me is that you've tolerated more than one silent meal with this ignorant tit. Was this how he behaved on your first date? In Cog World, either a prospective boyfriend finds me interesting enough to have a conversation with (and vice versa) or I move onto the next bloke....

When we're on holiday we often read the newspaper we've bought while we wait for the meal but usually we chat.

40 years married and still plenty to talk about.

We don't talk much on meals out tbh. If we do, it's usually because I'm thinking of things to talk about.

We don't have long conversations at home either, we've never been deep talkers. I get my deep chat outside my relationship to be honest.

DP has many lovely qualities but entertaining convo isn't one of them.

Hmmm, I remember reading an article how Americans talk too much during meal time (we do spend a lot of money in restaurants just to socialize) and I thought that was an odd article and kept trying to imagine no talking during mealtime. But maybe some people do feel mealtime is the time to enjoy the food not to socialize. Sorry, this thread make be think of that article.

If I get him drunk which means 2 pints these days he starts to talk!

Meals out are one of the main times for DH and I to have a good catch up and chat. We talk about a lot of things - just catching up on family gossip, work situation or discussing more general things like news stories or current affairs.

My family, on the other hand, tend to be quieter eaters. If they do talk it's just about the food itself, or catching up on family news. But this tends to be over home cooked dinners rather than restaurant meals and the focus tends to be on the food.

It's usually just small talk with us and if we go for a pub lunch or brekkie we will probably take the papers and chat over them. Even if we don't talk though it is never uncomfortable.

I normally shhh my husband as I'm really nosey and prefere listening to other people's conversations, seriously though we normally end up in tears of laughter during a meal out, we both have exactly the same sense of humour, don't ever stay with someone who doesn't make you laugh , next time you're out and he's on his phone send him a saucy pic that should get the boring buggers attention

My husband and I have been together 25years and are still very much in love but we don't have much common ground where interests are concerned. He's sport mad - playing it, watching it, coaching it. I'm more into the arts, we watch TV in the evenings but if we're choosing a film he would go for an Action/Adventure movie where as I would choose Drama/Comedy.
When we go out, just the two of us, I can find myself mentally making a list of topics to kick off conversations. I don't want to be that couple looking awkward and sitting silently in the restaurant. (I even save things up to tell him from my day and restrict chit chat in the car on the way to the restaurant!) After a couple of drinks it's normally no problem and we can chat away, some dates are better than others. I do wonder though how we're going to be when the kids leave home and we're away on one or two week holidays just the two of us - will we be sat in uncomfortable silence and from a comment he made yesterday when we were out for lunch and there was a brief silence I think he feels the same way.
To be fair I went away for a long weekend city break with a close friend recently and by the fourth night in a row I was starting to scratch about for conversation topics so maybe it's just a symptom of being with someone 24/7.

My in laws bring books and newspapers when going out for a meal by themselves. They've been married since the dawn of time and are very close still. They just don't need to talk all of the time so I wouldn't agree it's always the death knell.

20 years for us and we talk constantly - so do the DCs. Perhaps it's a personality thing though - we're all naturally chatty but some people just aren't. If you are OP, then perhaps you're just not compatible? :)

Almost 9 years together and we still eat together every night, no TV or phones. Just chatting and laughing. Same when we go out for dinner.

Sherlock... I remember being like that with a past boyfriend. But we were about 18! It seems a bit forced to me, but hey... you've bee married 25 years, so it must work for you guys!

Yup come back to me in 16 years and we'll compare notes!

The phone would enrage me - not acceptable.

DH & I chat, but also enjoy companionable silence - we neither of us care for ultra verbose people who rush to fill silence with noise. A little shared rumination can be enjoyable & restful.