confused by dh odd behaviour

[ITHOUGHTISAW2ANGELSAHEADOFME]

today, I forgot my purse as it fell out of my bag in the house.
So when I was in town I called dh to see if he could give me some money to get a couple of things.
I suggested lunch as normally we meet for lunch once a week but for a few weeks now he has been putting it off.
What bothered me the most and confused me is I said oh I will come with you to the sandwich shop cause I need a drink. He got really weird with me and said why couldn't I wait till I got home and was deliberately trying to stop me from going into the shop with him.
I knew he was guilty of something because there was a slight look of guilt on his face and he knew he had upset me.
I understand he was hungry and just wanted his lunch but why stop me from going in to get a drink, put me off meeting for lunch for weeks and not say oh darling I have a meeting I really need to get back too!!
He also came home late one night wouldn't reply to my texts or phone calls as it was unusual for him not to reply to me to even say 'on bus or just leaving' he is always back at 6 and was nearly an hour late but him not replying quickly to my text or phone call is not how he normally behaves.
I know this makes me sound a little 'insecure' but this is not like him as I said so please can some wise mnetters smack me one and tell me to wise up or reassure me that my gut is shouting at me!!!!!

The cynic in me would say there's something going on with him and someone from the sandwich shop...would that be possible?

Is he glued to his phone? Is there a lock on it? Perhaps you can pretend to have misplaced your phone and ask to borrow his quickly and see how he reacts.

I wrote a post along time ago saying that he introduced me to someone there and she looked like she wanted to run out of the room and looked really panicky. He hardly ever introduces me as his wife either he did so that day that was about a year ago. He has recently had a new i pad from work but wouldn't let me borrow it. Work phone used to have a passcode but not anymore and leaves it lying around.
It could be just a matter of attraction and flirting but his behaviour has really confused me. And it's always where he goes for lunch never goes to greggs or costa. My friend suggested to keep a diary this month and see if there is a pattern if the pattern continues to follow him. He has also got funny with me when I have needed the car on his evening meetings.

I don't have a crystal ball, but in your position I would definitely be suspicious of his interactions in the sandwich shop.

"He hardly ever introduces me as his wife"
Really? What does he usually say then? Seems a bit odd to me.

Id be thinking that hes fucking the girl from the sandwich shop

I don't know why sometimes he does other times he doesn't and I say that was really rude are you embarrassed of me or something.
For example. At a night out a load of women from his work were there. He went over to one particular one out of all these women and whispered in her ear just abandoned me didn't say darling I need to talk to that lady or I am just going to make myself known to them. He always puts me in a position to get cross with him and then accuses me of not trusting him and I am getting fed up with this shit behaviour now.

I text him and said I am sorry you didn't want to go for lunch with your wife. And that the ladies at the sandwich shop are more cosy and interesting, but I am starting to feel rejected by you now and it's hurtful.

His reply
whatever I felt sick and needed my lunch

my 'thoughts' but not replying
you felt sick because you nearly got found out you sod.

Your friend has a good idea.
I kept a diary of odd behaviour from my ExH.
Turns out he was having an affair!
It was great evidence to give him as well to back up why I suspected things.
It's not sounding good though to be honest.
It's either an affair, emotional affair or maybe just a crush but it's getting to the point where it is affecting you and your relationship and that's not OK.

Whatever ?

If anyone used that to me, I'd bust a seam. Is this how he normally addresses you?

I remember your first post on this. I think there's something going on. Squashing your spidey senses down in the hope things will go away just doesn't work in the long run. His reply was rude and uncaring.

That doesn't sound good.

I'd follow him discreetly or get a friend to and find out what he's up to.

I remember you too. Brushing stuff under the carpet really doesn't work. Perhaps you could go in the sandwich shop yourself and see what reception you get there.

Have you changed your physical appearance at all recently? I only ask as I had (an arse hole) ex-colleague who couldn't show his wife off enough, and then post-baby when she was (understandably) a size or two bigger and not as glamourous as usual he practically banned her from the building.

Six months or so later, she was a size 8 again and he was showing her off once more; obviously a scenario like this is only in play if you're married to a w*nker, but you asked for possible reasons...

whatever I felt sick and needed my lunch to me, says that he clearly doesn't care about how you feel which is pretty awful - he could at least acknowledge it even if he doesn't agree with it...

I would be doing some detective work in your position... Or at the very least popping in there every now and then for lunch unannounced...

Hope you are ok!

thank you for your kind responses.
I had to go to an after school club so that's why I haven't replied sooner.
my friend has offered to 'pop' in and have a coffee a few times to the sandwich shop. she said that if she does it a few times, it won't look to obvious that I am under suspicion, and can 'witness' what is going on from a different perspective. If I go in however they might remember me and they might tell him and he will know I am snooping.
yes I was a bit miffed by the reply.
I have an on going illness which means I am not as 'bouncy' and 'confident' as other women may appear to be. I have been told I am pretty though and I am slim and petite. hopefully don't out myself now!!it's just a shame it''s other people who compliment me and not him. we haven't been out for months either and he only 'wants' me once he is in bed.
I know and understand he has a very very busy time this year at work, but obviously there also needs to be a relationship attended to too so he can also feel proud of that. it doesn't work one way.

Was he out for lunch with a colleague?

Did he not want you to go in on your own, or did he not want you to go in with him?

Sorry, I'm not clear about that bit.

It doesn't sound too good to me, I'm afraid. That response to you was so irritable and uncaring that it was almost as if his housekeeper had interrupted him with a mundane domestic issue which should have been sorted out without need for contacting him. Is that how you're treated at the moment? (It surely sounds like it.)

he did not want me to go in with him. I recon he was either meeting a colleague or he flirts with them in there. But yes my gut is screaming to me something isn't right esp the other night he got 'carried away' working.
He creates these situations a lot and turns it around on me that I am not trusting him. We've been doing stuff at weekends but it's been hard to engage with him once dd is in bed. He will walk of and put something in outside bin half way through a conversation and last night I was chatting and he just stopped listening and watched the tv.
My sister said why was I questioning his loyalty and maybe he is just working hard to keep his job but the behaviour just doesn't match up to me.
yes there were no reassuring I really need to get back for a meeting was there just irritable and uncaring as another poster said. He is home tonight when we got back as always acting like nothing happened this is what really pisses me off and it pushes me away.

What did you do whilst he went in then OP?

I don't think it's someone working at the sandwich shop; I think that's where he goes for his lunch with someone who was going there on her own that day.

Do you know anyone (who you can trust) who doesn't know him, who can go to the sandwich shop at lunchtimes?

I went home because he just stood still and looked at me until I went 'ok then I am going'. That's when I saw the guilt on his face and he knew he had upset me but there was just no reassurance like we can do it another day etc etc I just need to get back and do my work nothing at all.
Oh another thing I need to mention I looked in his diary and there is an appointment with some IT company every week at 3pm. I thought that was odd too. And one day he went really smart and I said you look smart he replied I always dress like this.

not really imperial he knows most of my friends.

Totally dodgy.

I can't believe you meekly just walked away

Where is your anger ?

I have decided Anyfucker anger is not worth me spending the following day in bed asleep because it uses alot of my energy.