I was doing so well and now this

[hidethemirrortoday]

split from h 3 weeks ago and being really strong. He had been treating me like shit for the last few years and it all came to a head and I threw him out. He has now sent me this!!

To my darling .... ( I hope you don't mind me calling you that)
I understand how much I have hurt you and let you down. For that I will be eternally sorry and ashamed. For all the things I have said and done previously that have led to the same result also.
I have had to take a very hard long and honest look at the person I have become and realise that I have become very unloving and unlovable. Again I am very sorry you have had to endure this. It is not fair or acceptable. I blame myself completely.
As I look back over my life I truly realise that you are the one person that has given me the very best of things in my life. I cannot envisage a future without you in it.
I look at the future ahead and realise that without you it would be empty and soulless.
I have no right to ask and hesitate in doing so but I fall on my knees and beg from the bottom of my heart for you to forgive me and consider taking me back. I promise you with very part of my being I have changed. I now truly realise exactly what I want and need in life. I would make it my life's mission to try to make you happy every day. You would be the first and last thing on my mind every single day. I cannot explain it well enough but the pleasures in every day life that I have not got for a long time if I every fully did hit like a train when they are ripped away from you. Again I am responsible for that and in honesty stupidly thought that was what I wanted.
Everything I am accused of I am guilty of and have no excuse
I love you deeply and lost my perspective on that very fact. Again I cannot tell you how deeply this experience has affected me but it is for the good no matter what the outcome. I only hope no matter what you decide and I will stand by your decision that we can be friends and work some kind on future for the better.
I love you truly madly deeply and wish it to be you and me facing the future together
All my love always
Mrhide

Opinions please? I tried so hard to sort things when we were together and got no where. He disregarded my feelings and was always chatting up young girls. This has thrown me

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I feel like I have been in this bad place for years and my h and my friends are all false. You have all helped me so much and I now realise what I have been missing out on. I honestly cant thank you enough

Fantastic I know, at no point as he said, I miss YOU
But his texts do say he know he has damaged me too much to ever go back and he hopes I can move on

Namechanger every time I confront him about his past behaviour all he says is I am guilty, I dont deny anything, I was wrong, I am to blame

Oh I get that about the behaviour too.

And to me this is what it boils down to, my inability to forgive that behaviour. And that's why I'm struggling, because I see all of this as my fault because I'm not "nice" enough to forgive him.

Is that how you feel too?

Changed in three weeks - wow! Usually takes years of counselling to achieve that.

The tone of his letter/email to you is all about how empty his life is without you. He may well be missing you but it comes over as just words. Yes he might make an effort for a while if you took him back but I don't think he will fundamentally change. It does seem to be all about him.

You have done really well to stay strong. If he has treated you like shit and been chasing after other women then you are so much better off without him. If you take him back now you will be showing him that you are prepared to put up with that behaviour providing he grovels enough. You are worth so much more than that. Look after yourself.

Yes mine also took the full blame and realised the error of his ways and suggested he attend counselling, moved house, would spend more time with DCs, my every wish was his command, and he recognised how bad he had been.

I've agreed with this and refused to take any blame myself, and now he has had enough of that and is dropping in little digs every now and then. Followed by being back to him old self - full on anger and can't accept his behaviour as being his fault - it was has underlying reasons, mostly around how stressed he was and couldn't share his feelings with me because I'm so cold and emotionless etc.
All I am saying is stay strong. Listen but don't make any decisions based on his words just yet. Give him 2-3 weeks of grovelling and see how serious his promised changes are.

you are impressive hide

you don't know it yet, but you are

They all sound the same, mine was a very man too!
Toast I dont feel bad because I am too nice to forgive him. I do get moments of wavering but will stick to my guns I have come too far and had too many years of his shit
Any, I don't know why I am impressive but thanks for the compliment:)

Should have said very angry man not very man!

hide you are doing BRILLIANTLY. When I left my first husband, his romantic plea to me to return to the marital fold was wailing : 'I can't manage on my salary alone ...' I bet he couldn't - my salary was paying for his new sports car, his collecting hobby - the git even took the Luncheon Vouchers I got as part of my job, on the premise tha his job was more important than mine so he needed a good lunch ... and I could take in a round of Marmite sandwiches to work for MY lunch. I saw the light, finally, the Christmas Day when he forced me, terrified, to try to chew through a plate of turkey with the business end of a 12 bore shotgun rammed in my left ear!

OMG thats awful oldgrandmama you must have been terrified! How selfish of him as well to take your vouchers!

It is hard but I feel so determined and I will not be with someone out of pity.
30+ yrs is a long time to be with someone but my philosophy is why waste the remaining ones with someone who doesnt care for me or respect me.
A couple of people have said maybe the shock will change him but the way I see it is what if it doesnt.

Oldgrandma : O

You're doing great Hide As we have all said, that tiny voice inside his head in the wee small hours of sleeplessness are not him thinking of you and how you are doing and his regret at how much damage he has caused to you but they will be thoughts of himself and his own creature comforts and wondering at which point he pushed it too far to make you do this to him and how he will manage to feed himself and keep himself in clean grundies. You know in your heart he has not one genuine concern for your future wellbeing.
The longer you are away from him, the longer you will see communications from him like this as further manipulation, not part of his 'seeing the light'. The sooner you start to hear stuff from him as background noise to your wanker free future the better.

Great words Fruminaria, thanks I appreciate it so much
You are all helping me to stay strong

all he says is I am guilty, I dont deny anything, I was wrong, I am to blame

That alone sounds almost passive-aggressive to me. Like he's found a directive in FHM, or wherever he found that ridiculous letter template (i looked for it on apology.net but lost patience within minutes). So, all he has to do is admit guilt. No need to think about his own disgraceful attitudes that led to barely-legal behaviour. Just plead guilty and the doe-eyed wife-without-a-mind will welcome you back. Ha!

As for those gossip-mongering "friends" - equally unforgiveable behaviour.

Rant over Want to take over, mirror?

PS. I chose a different part of your nic because sometimes how YOU behave can reflect others back to themselves as they actually are ie: no-good, pathetic, inadequate specimens feeding from YOUR goodness.

Look at the title you gave your own thread -- 'I was doing so well and now this.'

Ignore this. Focus on doing so well.

Tipsy, I have been thinking that as he just keeps admitting everything as if that then makes it all ok. As if I will just forgive him all his wrong doings cos he confesses. Like the Mirror idea too :)

I have told my 'best friend' that I will not discuss him with her at all. Eventually she got it and said ok well I am here if you want to talk.

Will try nrv but I have the odd moment of weakness

What nrv said. How are things Hide ?