I was doing so well and now this

[hidethemirrortoday]

split from h 3 weeks ago and being really strong. He had been treating me like shit for the last few years and it all came to a head and I threw him out. He has now sent me this!!

To my darling .... ( I hope you don't mind me calling you that)
I understand how much I have hurt you and let you down. For that I will be eternally sorry and ashamed. For all the things I have said and done previously that have led to the same result also.
I have had to take a very hard long and honest look at the person I have become and realise that I have become very unloving and unlovable. Again I am very sorry you have had to endure this. It is not fair or acceptable. I blame myself completely.
As I look back over my life I truly realise that you are the one person that has given me the very best of things in my life. I cannot envisage a future without you in it.
I look at the future ahead and realise that without you it would be empty and soulless.
I have no right to ask and hesitate in doing so but I fall on my knees and beg from the bottom of my heart for you to forgive me and consider taking me back. I promise you with very part of my being I have changed. I now truly realise exactly what I want and need in life. I would make it my life's mission to try to make you happy every day. You would be the first and last thing on my mind every single day. I cannot explain it well enough but the pleasures in every day life that I have not got for a long time if I every fully did hit like a train when they are ripped away from you. Again I am responsible for that and in honesty stupidly thought that was what I wanted.
Everything I am accused of I am guilty of and have no excuse
I love you deeply and lost my perspective on that very fact. Again I cannot tell you how deeply this experience has affected me but it is for the good no matter what the outcome. I only hope no matter what you decide and I will stand by your decision that we can be friends and work some kind on future for the better.
I love you truly madly deeply and wish it to be you and me facing the future together
All my love always
Mrhide

Opinions please? I tried so hard to sort things when we were together and got no where. He disregarded my feelings and was always chatting up young girls. This has thrown me

Yes I suppose it is giving off the wrong signals Clearing
Poor you Toast, at least I know I dont have to see mine

Toast

I think your man is simply managing to bamboozle the counsellor (as many such abusive men actually do) into making her feel sorry for him.

What legal means can be employed to get him out of the home?.

I suggested a launderette and he asked me where there is one!

'I wouldn't know - I have a washing machine here! Have you heard of 'google'?'

Love it Delicious I need to toughen up!

goodness, that letter
counted 'i/me/my' 40 times
'you' 15 times
'we' once

it is still all about him/his wishes/his feelings

Didactylos, shocking I never realised that

Attila - he is out. But he stayed back here last night. And I agree about the counsellor (who is a man). I went with him one time, against my better judgement and thought the counsellor actually understood the dynamics but obviously not.

Sorry for hijacking op post!

I cant bear the thought of him kissing me again

That tells us all we need to know. You are done^ with this relationship. No need for lunch, laundry or any other engagement with him.

If you want to respond, I would reply along the lines of Please don't insult my intelligence with your too little too late 'darling' bullshit. You must think I'm a complete fool if you think these words make a difference. And from now on you sort your own practicalities such as your laundry.

He's been reading far too much Barbara Cartland. Ignore.

Toast you are not hijacking it, it is always lovely to have your input too

Fantastic, yes I need to stop the communicating. He keeps texting me in the evening when he is obviously lonely and bored.

The best thing to do is go no contact

tell him from now on the only subject on the table you will engage with him about is arrangements around the children

and stick to it

what a weasel

he had the cheek to text last night saying I always looked stunning.
Didnt stop him trying to get off with girls young enough to be my daughter on a regular basis. He said that was alcohol
I have said to him he wanted a single life now he can take it just leave me alone
I think no contact is the only way

the counting is a really silly strategy, I know, but it removes some of the emotional pull of things for me
I have a narc relative and every time I am sent one of these 'poor me/mea culpa/you need to give me a chance' messages when shes trying to hoover me back in, I start with this: sit with a cup of tea and count how much refers to her/her wishes and feelings and how much refers to me/what I might be wishing and feeling: its exactly like everything else in our relationship,
theres always a major imbalance and that reminds me why I dont engage any more

hope he enjoys the single life
he can flirt with anyone, any age he wants
in between scintillating weekend trips to the laundrette to wash his own smalls

did you send him a link to 'let me google that for you' when he asked about a laundrette?

I'd say to him "hindsight is a wonderful thing. From now on please restrict your texts and emails to info re the dcs. Anything else will go unread and unanswered. If you have any respect for me whatsoever, I'd appreciate it if you take my request seriously."

The counting is good.

I guess, hide, that he has realised what he has thrown away. Do you think he would change?

I dont know Toast but I feel I have come this far and dont want to risk seeing if he has changed and being back to square one
I am a very affectionate person and don't want to be stuck forever with a hard hearted man who doesnt care about me.
In all the years we have been married he has never said anything like that letter to me face to face. He only ever said I love you on birthday cards and I used to get them at 4pm once he could be bothered to go to the corner shop

Did I told him he is single he can flirt with anyone he wants to so he should stop bothering me now

The square one thing is exactly what I think too.

Mine was affectionate. On his terms.

Such men as well do not change; they are both self centred and entitled.

I am a very affectionate person and don't want to be stuck forever with a hard hearted man who doesnt care about me.In all the years we have been married he has never said anything like that letter to me face to face. He only ever said I love you on birthday cards and I used to get them at 4pm once he could be bothered to go to the corner shop

I could've written that. We deserve so much better. You're doing brilliantly xx

Thanks whatthe xx
Something else thats annoying me is a lot of 'friends' are ringing, texting purely to pry and get the latest gossip
My best friend reminds me of one of those women that used to sit at the gallows knitting!
I don't know how to deal with it, I keep brushing over the questions but it makes me very uncomfortable

Why not tell them? They could be a good source of support?

They know whatthe but it is the way they are pumping me for every last detail

I hate to ask, but is it possible that one or a few of your friends may be helping him try to "get back together" with you .. perhaps passing along how you're doing, thinking she's helping? These things do happen....