How do I stop resenting my husband's hobby?

[SelfishMiseryGuts]

I'm very lucky with my husband, he treats me extremely well and I'm very happy with him. Which is why I need to not resent his hobby. I actually have no reason at all to feel this way, so I don't know why I do!

DH is a keen cyclist. He has been into cycling since before I met him, and I married him a little under a year ago knowing that he spent a fair amount of time out on one of his various bikes.

A week usually consists of this:

Up and out on his bike at 5 one or two weekdays, back home by 8 at the latest.

Up and out at 6 some Saturdays, back by 12.00

Up and out at 6 most Sundays, back by 11.30

Early night the night before an early morning, so usually Tue, Thu (sometimes), Fri (sometimes), Sat. Falls asleep on sofa in evening when has had early morning. He always apologises for this.

So, there is no reason at all for me to resent it - he does most of his cycling/training early in the morning so it doesn't really affect me (apart from not seeing him those mornings, but that's me being precious). He's home at a reasonable hour. He works hard during the week, is kind, thoughtful and considerate, and will willingly do any extra jobs I ask him to do.

Please could I have some tips and advice on how to adjust my thinking and feelings on this please? I don't want him to have any clue that I feel anything other than completely supportive of this one and only hobby he has.

TIA.

Selfish, your feelings are perfectly valid about the amount of time your DH is choosing to spend on his hobby instead of being with you. You need to tell him that you are unhappy about it. It doesn't matter whether pp think you sound needy or tell you to get an equally time consuming hobby. What is relevant here is that you are feeling resentful which will ultimately damage your relationship.

If he is as lovely as you say he is, he will be willing to compromise.

I don't think he's being unreasonable at all. In my opinion, that is an ideal amount of time to spend on a hobby without it encroaching into your relationship. In fact, I would even say he should be able to spend a full day at the weekend doing it rather than getting up at 6 and starting so early.

That said, the above is only true if you also get a similar amount of time to do your own hobbies and aren't left with all the housework, kids etc. That is when it becomes an issue.

If you don't have any hobbies, find one! Or enjoy the time you have by yourself.

FWIW, I get up at 5 to do my hobby before work, I rarely do it in the evenings but my DP does his hobbies then which means we don't always spend that much time with each other (besides sleeping).

However, the time we do spend together is time we have set aside and is therefore quality time. I think that's far more important than sitting in front of the box on an evening because you've nothing better to do.

We also have a shared hobby (cycling as it happens) and do that together. Could you maybe find something you and your DP could enjoy?

7 years later, how did this work out ?

I'm a bit like your husband...I absolutely love my sporting hobbies. I live for parkrun/swimming/gymnastics/tennis etc and can't imagine life without them (though I try my best not to let them interfere too much with family life). My parents were the same...sport and hobbies were (and are still) a huge priority. I think my husband sometimes finds it a bit much at times, but also loves his tennis and long walks. I imagine that someone who doesn't have hobbies would find this hard to understand.

Just wanted to express important these activities are to the people who do them. You sound like you've got lots of insight into your situation, and your husband sounds like a lovely bloke. Good luck.

@Vivacia - Hobb fan?