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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My husband is so bloody stupid, I think I pity him.

126 replies

jonrotten · 19/02/2015 17:30

So, my iPad ran out of charge today, and I couldn't be bothered to get the charger, so picked up Dhs as it was on the table in front of me.

We tend to use our own, but we know each others passcodes and we sometimes just use the one closest to take a pic of dd etc. As they are linked to our phones for texts/iMessages/emails he's never had anythingf to hide a as he's very free with iPad, phone and laptop.

Anyway, so I wasn't snooping is what I'm saying!

I go on it and I see that it's open on an email account. Only it's not his usual, he's set another one up.

On it was lots of emails from a website called 'badoo' with headings like 'xx wants to chat' and 'yy has replied to your message.

There was a button underneath that said click to read your message so I did and the chats were all there.

Stupid cunt isn't getting anywhere. Most of them strong him along and then try to charge him for cam stuff. One of them is anawering him in a bizzare way, with just one random letter. Pathetic prick is still trying though.

Apparently, he's single! Wow, Iust have imagined the wedding and children then.

Sorry if I've not made much sense.

Sad
OP posts:
JugglingLife · 20/02/2015 08:46

Hope you're Ok this morning. Keep strong.

Original poster
jonrotten · 20/02/2015 09:01

Hi yeah I'm ok. He leaves for work early anyway so only saw him for two mins.

I'm just thinking about what to say to MIL.

For anyone that remembers I've posted about him on here lots of times (diff usernames), he's obsessed with his parents. He'll hate me for telling her but she thinks he's perfect, I've never told her what an arse he's been before.

OP posts:
JugglingLife · 20/02/2015 09:14

Just be mindful that she will take his side. She is programmed to do so.

JugglingLife · 20/02/2015 09:15

Has he been on the iPad overnight at all?

Original poster
jonrotten · 20/02/2015 09:43

No he hasn't, but he was messaging women from his phone (I had the Ipad in the bedroom so the "you've got a reply" emails kept coming.

Had a look when I heard him go to bed. He's still getting nowhere fast. Didn't know if I should laugh or cry.

I didn't sleep much, but thankfully, dd had a rare night of sleeping 8-8, so I had a lot of down time to think.

OP posts:
Original poster
jonrotten · 20/02/2015 09:44

Ds is staying at his friends for another night tonight, he's having a great time so at least I don't have to worry about him.

OP posts:
JugglingLife · 20/02/2015 09:46

Fuckinghell jon. Right, time to take care of you. Have you had a drink and forced some breakfast down? Have you decided what to do or do you need more time? You don't have to make any immediate decisions.

Original poster
jonrotten · 20/02/2015 09:49

I don't want to be rash in anything I do.

Like I said I've had awful PND, the medication has helped immensely but I don't want to set myself back.

But it makes me feel oddly detached from everything.

And yes, I had some toast with dd.

OP posts:
JugglingLife · 20/02/2015 09:55

Yes, i remember that feeling well Jon, it's great for helping you cope but it can also change decisions that you might otherwise have made. Is there anyone that knows you well enough in RL that you can talk this through with?

ImperialBlether · 20/02/2015 11:50

Can I ask whether you're on Seroxat, OP? I was on that for PND and found the same problem with detachment.

Original poster
jonrotten · 20/02/2015 12:05

No I'm on prozac.

60mg a day.

It's a nice feeling though. I had PND with ds but it was never treated, I've been depressed for 12 years, so this numb, detached feeling is frightening sometimes, but it's a billion better than how I felt before.

OP posts:
Original poster
jonrotten · 20/02/2015 12:05

I've still not done anything yet. I've just been playing with dd.

OP posts:
MaccaPaccaismyNemesis · 20/02/2015 12:16

Stay strong, he has lost you which makes him the biggest fool by a long stretch.

AnyFucker · 20/02/2015 12:20

sweetheart, I would be worried about how medicated you are...perhaps a visit to your gp is in order ?

It isn't normal to react (or should I say not react) in this way faced with how your husband is disrespecting you

BigCatFace · 20/02/2015 12:42

Yes it is normal. People have shock, and also some people know from the start that it's a deal breaker and don't piss around. Good on her.

maccie · 20/02/2015 12:43

Jon do you have people around you that you can reach out to ? Talking this through with someone in RL sounds like a very good idea.

maccie · 20/02/2015 12:51

Yes Jon is doing fantastic at keeping things calm for her dd who is with her right now and is is great to see such strong boundaries and self worth. It's so horrible to recognise that the line drawn in the sand has been crossed but I do think that for whatever reason shock/medication that Jon needs supportive people to help her right now. Is your mum or best friend available jon ? Even on the phone would be better than just sitting and thinking about things.

Mumsnet is great but sometimes RL help is needed.

LucyBealesGhost · 20/02/2015 14:21

Just a thought - your GP's CPN should be available to you. They're usually very good and a 40-minute talk might help just now.

I agree there's nothing wrong with being chemically detached during a life crisis, btw! It's more a matter of using it for good, imo, as it can also allow you to let things slide too far

JugglingLife · 20/02/2015 19:04

How are you jon?

Original poster
jonrotten · 20/02/2015 21:40

I'm ok.

Thankyou.

He always calls when he leaves work. He called at 5.30 and I told him I knew and to go to his mums. Not to come back and upset dd as I was locking the door.

He said "if you leave me, I'll get her every weekend"

Well good! I'd get to bloody sleep two nights a week and have two days off, he doesn't do night wakings or getting up at 5am! It would last one week! He cant cope with crying/whinging etc, which obviously, 10 month old babies do a lot of.

My lovely friend who took ds in has come over with wine while her Dh hs taken the boys to the cinema.

OP posts:
Ohfourfoxache · 20/02/2015 22:05

Nice to see how apologetic he was, begging for your forgiveness Hmm

Starting with threats already - what a fucking charmer Hmm

Your friend sounds ace. Good to know you've got some rl support.

take one step at a time. Do what is right for you x

RandomNPC · 20/02/2015 22:06

Your friend is a godsend, exactly what you need in this situation. If you read enough threads on here, you'll see that your husband is following the 'I'll have the kids off you' script. It seems to be quite common.
I wouldn't worry about being over medicated, people react to crises in different ways. There is bound to be time when you have a bit of a crash about all this, but luckily it isn't at the moment. You need all the serotonin you can get right now.

wallypops · 20/02/2015 22:16

Can I just say, eow was a bloody godsend for me, with 2 & 3 year old bad sleepers. Really can't say how good divorce was for me. Clearly there was some bad stuff but overall it was such an improvement to being married.

bettyboop1970 · 20/02/2015 22:17

OP your friend is fantastic, so pleased you've got great support.
Why on earth do men resort to threats about having kids? They are not possessions.
Twats!

Jackw · 20/02/2015 22:26

Was there any remorse at all or just straight in with the threats? What a nasty piece of work. Anyway, it'll be every other weekend, not every weekend (if he can cope with that much, which sounds unlikely).

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