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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My husband is so bloody stupid, I think I pity him.

126 replies

jonrotten · 19/02/2015 17:30

So, my iPad ran out of charge today, and I couldn't be bothered to get the charger, so picked up Dhs as it was on the table in front of me.

We tend to use our own, but we know each others passcodes and we sometimes just use the one closest to take a pic of dd etc. As they are linked to our phones for texts/iMessages/emails he's never had anythingf to hide a as he's very free with iPad, phone and laptop.

Anyway, so I wasn't snooping is what I'm saying!

I go on it and I see that it's open on an email account. Only it's not his usual, he's set another one up.

On it was lots of emails from a website called 'badoo' with headings like 'xx wants to chat' and 'yy has replied to your message.

There was a button underneath that said click to read your message so I did and the chats were all there.

Stupid cunt isn't getting anywhere. Most of them strong him along and then try to charge him for cam stuff. One of them is anawering him in a bizzare way, with just one random letter. Pathetic prick is still trying though.

Apparently, he's single! Wow, Iust have imagined the wedding and children then.

Sorry if I've not made much sense.

Sad
OP posts:
goldvelvet · 19/02/2015 19:41

Jon you are dealing with this incredibly well. He's an absolute arse. Stay strong and focused. And give dd a big squeeze.

Original poster
jonrotten · 19/02/2015 19:41

We rent, both names on tenancy, fixed until August.

OP posts:
JugglingLife · 19/02/2015 19:45

You are being absolutely brilliant, use that control and the little bit of time that you have to come up with a plan.

Allstoppedup · 19/02/2015 19:51

I think you sound amazing OP.

He's a sweaty twunt.

So sorry this has happened to you again. Flowers

Kleptronic · 19/02/2015 19:52

Good on you jonrotten. All power to your elbow.

Original poster
jonrotten · 19/02/2015 19:55

I'm hurt because I've been considerate to him all the time. He was awful when I was pregnant. I was so sick and he hated it, he was angry at me for being ill not worried.

But throughout I've looked after him, been kind even when he wasn't, done everything to make him happy.

Now this? He can get to fuck.

OP posts:
Original poster
jonrotten · 19/02/2015 19:56

And I bet he'll say oh it was just words, I didn't do anything.

That's cheating to me. I would never do that to anyone.

OP posts:
WinterBabyof89 · 19/02/2015 19:59

Sending you lots of virtual love & strength.. Flowers

JugglingLife · 19/02/2015 20:02

Yep, you're probably right, he will consider it just words. Do you need time to think or gather more evidence? As cuntish as his behaviour is you need to look at the bigger picture. Which you are already doing. He was angry at you for being ill when you were pregnant. What else?

SarniaCherie · 19/02/2015 20:04

It's a joint tenancy and you have 2 children including a young baby...It should definitely be his bags packed and not yours. Let him have the hassle of finding another place to stay. He's the guilty party. He can kip on a friends sofa if need be. You can't.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 19/02/2015 20:05

Jon so sorry to read this. Thank god he is so stupid so it has been uncovered hopefully sooner rather than later.

Id text him and say "baby is a bit restless so she is in with me, please kip on the sofa tonight", which at least gives you space and time to plan the next step.

Tomorrow, tell him what you have seen and tell him to leave. If not forever (which imo it should be) then for space to think for a week or so. Enough time to strengthen your resolve, maybe speak to the LL about the tennancy, and to get all your ducks in a row.

Stay strong. We are all thinking of you.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 19/02/2015 20:24

Well isn't he just cuntastic!

So sorry OP Thanks

gildedcage · 19/02/2015 20:46

Yes I think you're right, he will say its only words. The reality of it is though he knows (or rather will know) that he has crossed the boundary, saying they are only words is just an easy excuse.

I know you already know that. I suppose what's worse is that he already knows your views given your previous marriage.

No real advice. Just glad that you have a lovely friend who can be there to help you if you need it.

Original poster
jonrotten · 19/02/2015 20:52

I'm in bed with dd.

I told him to be quiet when he get in and can he please sleep in the spare room as she's been very restless and a bit of a nightmare and I want us both to sleep.

I can't deal with his bullshit tonight.

And yes, he knew about my ex. I was upfront with him (and a couple of other guys I dated) from the beginning about what I would/wouldn't accept. Funnily enough, that's the reason he's always been open with phones and passwords etc.

Wanker.

OP posts:
Jux · 19/02/2015 20:53

Sorry Jon Thanks

What a twunt.

Original poster
jonrotten · 19/02/2015 20:57

Do you know what when he's at work tomorrow I'm just going to email him saying I know and not to bother with any excuses, nothing can excuse what I've seen.

I'll tell him to stay at his mums. Then I'll call her, she's lovely. It will break her heart, but honestly, if my ds did something as shitty as this one day I'd want to know.

OP posts:
ThinkIveBeenHacked · 19/02/2015 21:00

I think thats a good plan OP. Try and get some sleep tonight, hard as it will be.

JugglingLife · 19/02/2015 21:12

Yes, that sounds good Jon. I hope you manage a little sleep.

gildedcage · 19/02/2015 21:33

Yes that does sound like a good plan. I feel that you know what you are going to do. Obviously it hurts like hell but you know whatever happens that you will be ok.

What a cliché eh. We credit them with more intelligence don't we?!Angry

Sidge · 19/02/2015 21:38

Ouch. I'm so sorry, I know how painful it is. Been there, got that T-shirt Sad

What an arse he is.

Take some time, don't rush to make any decisions but be kind to yourself. Hugs.

MimsyBorogroves · 19/02/2015 21:47

I'm sorry. What a prize twat.

Allice · 19/02/2015 22:16

I'm so sorry that he's treated you this way. You're being ever so dignified, hope tomorrow goes well.

AlpacaMyBags · 19/02/2015 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MinceSpy · 19/02/2015 22:24

OP he left his iPad there for you to find out that it's over.

AcrossthePond55 · 19/02/2015 22:33

Good idea to email him at work not to come home. Is there any way you'll be able to stop him entering the house? Keys in the locks?

Before you send the email, be sure you access & copy everything you need to from online sources; emails, bank account information, etc. If you don't have your own bank account, open one. Then transfer money into it. See a solicitor asap. It doesn't mean you have to file for anything, you just need to know your position.

And delete your devices from any shared accounts. You need to be sure that nothing you do online is available for him to see.