The Brave Babes Battle Bus - The Wheels On This Bus Go Around And Around, In Search Of Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

This is the brave babes bus, Gerald. He travels far and wide, to wherever he's needed to offer non judgemental support, advice and Opal Fruits!!

We can tell you about the kind of places that can help, your GP can be the first and easiest place to start, or you can look up you local community addiction centre, or even just come onto the thread and let it all out.

There are posters here who have been on the Bus from the start and those who have just joined us

It doesn't matter how long you've been here, the fact that you have taken that first amazing step in acknowledging that maybe, just maybe, things aren't quite right with your drinking is truly MASSIVE!!

This is a safe place for you to just be and to be as honest as you like, or just to talk.

We'll listen

And if you'd like to see our last thread, you can JUST HERE

Plus if you'd like to see where these threads all began, you can read all about that YOU CAN READ THIS VERY EMOTIONAL AND MOVING THREAD

See you soon,

Mouse xxx

Hi my lovely babes,

Not got long, I just wanted to pledge my support for crutched. Lovely lady I have been where you are too many times. I have periods of days I can barely remember up to a week sometimes, a despairing depression that has seen me sink boxes of wine. I honestly don't know how I woke up sometimes, I could so easily have slipped away with the amount of alcohol I drank, relentlessly with no food or water, just days of oblivion, I shudder even now. I'm only 6 weeks after the last one and It's like I'm a different person. I've lost 9 pounds, go to a fitness class every day, lots of walking, reading and mindfulness. My teenager is still a cheeky bugger, my 4 year old still doesn't sleep and has tantrums every single day and my relationship with dh is fractured and I question if it will last BUT I am gaining strength every day both physical and mental and I am finally wading through the shit rather than lying helpless and drunk in it. I will admit my detox was horrendous for a whole week, I was well and truly poisoned, puking bile, blood and stomach cramps that were insanely painful. I guess the worst bit is the nauseating anxiety and "the fear" we have all had. My heart is breaking for you coz I know exactly how you are feeling and I want you to know there is life after the hell your going through, your leg will heal, your heart will heal, your soul will heal and YOU will heal, huge hugs to you xxxx

Big giant smackeroo kisses for marfisa get your ass back on here lady, I could write the book on depression, PM me if you'd rather.

mouse you are as Tina Turner would sing simply the best xxx

On the song theme My Endless Love to ma venus ruby khalisi small hell every goddamm babe out there fighting this fight with grace, dignity and an enormous sense of humour coz if we don't laugh we'd cry a whole lot more than we do xxxxx

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Of course I've eaten all of the cheese! I'm amazed you had to ask me Rubes!!

It is quiet and it's Easter coming up too, so the Bus will quiet down due to the children being on school holidays.

What's everyone up to over Easter?

Anyone got any big plans for the two weeks off?

I think we have days here and there, nothing mega (except my gorgeous sister's 40th Birthday!!)

I'm not sure if she's embracing with both hands or hiding, knowing her (She's my lovely SIL) it's going to be a wild one baby!!!!

Anyway - back off to have another x-ray tomorrow or Thursday as my hand and arm is sooooooooooooooooooooooo sore and getting worse

So, night night gorgeous Babes, Rubes and Khalisi, we'll keep this thread moving and keep it on the first page.... some evenings are just quiet.

Take good care of yourselves xxx

Cross posted!!!

Hello gorgeous Ma - I daren't ask how life is because I have no idea where you'd start darling lady. Just know that I am, and others are here for you, always!

Whether you're in the Sidecar, hanging onto the Roof-Rack, grasping the Rear Bumper with both hands.....

We are all here for you. xxxx

Hey Baby - you are amazing! You've come so far, done so much and turned your life around. Sorry if this sounds patronising, but I am SO, SO, SO, SUPER PROUD OF YOU!

Please don't think I'm belittling you, or showing you up. I just think that you are a shining example of what can be achieved with the agonising work you've put into your life. I'm in awe of you! xxx

Crutched - I hope you're okay and Marfisa - have you thought about the GP any more? Or another form of RL support if you see what I mean?

Anyway, I must take some morphine and other meds to try and get some sleep. I hardly slept last night with this damned arm/hand.

But things could be so much more shite. There's someone always worse off than you and tomorrow, I get to have a special Easter Lunch at school with my son tomorrow, I'm all excited but might need someone to cut my food up

Night again lovely Babes - stay safe, stay as sober as best you can, and if you can't - pint of water by the bed and 2 paracetamol ready for the morning.

Lots of love to you all xxx

I'm on my phone so I can't name check but I want so much to. Instead thanks to each and every one of you.

I feel awful but I have hope. Thanks to you.

Good for you Crutched. Have the physical symptoms calmed down now? Cling to your hope and treat yourself gently. x

Good morning, Babes.

Good, Crutched. ODAAT, babes.

Mouse I'm sure baby doesn't find it patronizing at all! We are in awe and that is a good thing! baby has been on all my runs with me (as has many of you) and I mus tell you, she got bite! Many a time I didn't cut a corner because I felt the power of the support from here.

Rubes No, he hasn't.
I really hope he doesn't come by again because it was rather distressing.

I think I've said this before because it is one of my mantras (and my quote of the week):

Sometimes we have to release the life we had planned to embrace the life awaiting us. (I think this was JP Satre but not sure).

Have a good one, Babes!

Hello Babes.

Sorry to have been AWOL and not to have read back yet. I've been having trouble dealing with life over the last week and have been drinking on five out of the last seven days.

I am feeling strong enough to climb back on on board (thanks to Fevvers for thinking of me and PMing). I will read back, then tell you all a bit about how I've been feeling, and hopefully get back to being a support to anybabe who needs it.

'Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans'

John Lennon

Have a good day babes and always have a plan b x

Hi Sweet x post there. So glad you are still with us. Catch up with you later x

In haste, at work, but big hugs to you Sweet. Have missed you. So sorry to hear it's been a tough time, so glad to see you back, tell us what you can when you feel like it if you feel it would help. And if not, just curl up on the bus, have an opal fruit and enjoy the ride. More later but for now, so glad to see you.

Morning all. I've got a right headache this morn caused by my facial, there must have been some toxins in my body.

Crutched great to hear from you. Keep on it and lots of water.

Sorry can't nc but have to work...

It's lovely to be back. Thank you all for still being here.

Crutched I am very sorry to hear how badly you have been treated. As some of the others have said, what you H did may have been born of frustration and anger, but it was no less abusive. There is no excuse for putting an addictive substance in front of an addict who is trying to be clean. These will not be easy days for you, but drinking will not make them easier. You need medical and therapeutic help right now, this is not something you can do alone. Stay strong.

I have been in a pit of depression for the last week. I would say it hit me out of no where, but it didn't really, it was because I can't cut myself any slack. The virus DH and I had turned into full blown flu. DH slept for getting on for five days solid, but with Pup and DS's 13th birthday, I just didn't have that luxury; the house went to pot, Pup's house training went bad, and I just could not drag myself out of it, I was so tired so I started to drink again, because I felt rubbish about not coping perfectly. That stuff is evil poison, so I have zeroed my app - not that I am forgetting or writing of the 70+ days I did - but I cannot simply say I was moderating, I put back my recovery, and I am starting again.

Hi babes, god I love this bus.

• waves back to ma. I'm so glad you had a 'special night' in the midst of all your trials and tribulations. You deserve many more of those!

• Mouse, so sorry to hear about your injury. You sound so energetic and hopeful though, it's like a tonic to read. And poor Nemo not wanting to go to school. My DS1 hated school for a long time and cried about it every morning. DH and I weren't even allowed to say the word; DS made us spell it out phonetically, S-C-H-O-O-L. It was a kind of family joke but still very stressful. For him it was a phase and it is such a relief to see him go off to school now, all confident. Nemo is only little, it's not surprising that he'd rather be at home with you! It's good that he'll have a break soon.

• baby, you're the best. We should chat about depression sometime. It's so debilitating. During term time (at my work) I'm so busy, have a million things in my diary, and I'm looking forward the whole time to the break between terms when I can finally focus on writing and research. Then as soon as the break starts and my time is unstructured, I feel a kind of gloom descending and I start brooding about the meaninglessness of life and just finding it really hard to get out of bed. Maybe I'm just in the wrong career - I love my research in theory but in practice I find it utterly daunting. oh dear that's negative thinking Anyway, the way you have turned your life around is truly amazing, as others have said. You're a bloody inspiration.

crutched, I'm so glad you're still here. It does sound like you have been suffering from hideous withdrawal symptoms. Have you thought of contacting your local AA helpline? I'm pretty sure they'd send someone out to be with you, take you to a meeting if you can manage it. The good thing about AA is that it's full of people who have seen it all - nothing fazes them. Blood, vomit, liver disease - well, you get the idea! It sounds grim but it's actually very comforting to be around people who aren't judging you.

That said, the last AA meeting I went to made me really grumpy because I shared at the meeting about my depression and stuff and then TWO old men came up separately to me afterward and tried to give me advice. One is frankly a bit of a lech he had made me uncomfortable the previous week by asking me out for coffee and I was so fed up by his special combination of creepiness and pomposity that I wouldn't even make eye contact with him, I just sort of pretended not to hear him and he stomped away in a huff. Old Gent number two is much nicer but he helpfully told me that what I needed was Discipline. I should just be disciplined and then I would get up every day and get lots of work done. Right, thanks, brilliant! I'll just be disciplined about my work. Why didn't I think of that before? Silly me.

Never mind, I should emphasise that the vast majority of AA people I have met are not like that. Principles before personalities, they say. Which I take to mean that you should not let the occasional stupid comment interfere with your recovery.

sweet, big big hugs to you. What a week from hell you've had. And what a relief to see you back. Take good good care of yourself and most importantly, take one day at a time. Another AA mantra is that the person with the longest sobriety at any given meeting is the one who got up earliest that morning. It's today that matters.

Most of you have probably already come across the 'Just for Today' card but it still helps me (even though bits of it are a little old-fashioned). Here it is from a random AA website:
aachilternthames.org.uk/just-for-today-card/

The last bit is my favourite:
Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.

Sorry not to NC everybody. xxx

Morning babes,

sweet, my goodness you've had an awful lot thrown at you lately. It's bloody amazing you've found the courage to get back on the bus, you turned a potential spiral of booze into a teeny weeny blip and that's something I've never managed to do so well done you!! It's doesn't matter that you drank, more important by far that you've stopped, please hang onto that. Through my terrible journey through the deep, darkest bowels of depression mindfulness has helped tremendously, you've achieved so much and travelled so far and you need to focus on that. You have you lovely puppy and kitten but god know they're hard work and men when they're ill, don't let's get started. I'm so glad your back and know that your are very much loved on this here bus xxxx

mouse when I was younger training in ballet every time my beautiful, elegant teacher paid me a compliment I would burst with happiness, she was my hero!!! Reading your lovely words gave me the very same feeling, it's been a long time since I felt so special, you have a wonderful gift to give that to someone you've never even met, thank you xxxx

khalisi you are quite simply fabulous. I'm a 5ft 9, long wild blond haired Amazonian lady and my fat is becoming muscle with all these classes SO on every run, I'm right behind shouting Scottish obscenities to get you up that hill, don't make me have to kick your ass.

crutched hope is an amazing thing, we are all right beside you, an army of strong women, we will get you through this, everything happens for a reason, this is your moment to turn your life around, you deserve it, you deserve happiness, hang in there. Xxx

I'm sending strength and hugs to everyone reading these words right now xxxx

marfisa I so get what you are saying about the gloom descending. Some of my work is a bit seasonal and all year I plan al the wonderful creative things that I will do in my quiet season..... and then the gloom and the lethargy and the despondency arrive. This year I am trying something different - I am packing some of my creative projects into the busy times - the times when I am energised (although knackered) and when I can write and research under a certain amount of pressure. Then maybe in the next 'quiet season' I'll simply rest.....

mouse so lovely to see your posts - always xx

hugs and waves to other babes - I'm passing through briefly and I am as always completely overcome by the kindness and thought and depth in your posts.

Sweet, my lovely.

Marfisa you described my feelings about my research and the structure of the academic year. You spend the tough teaching weeks telling yourself that if you just put your head down you'll be rewarded with rest, space to think, and professional fulfillment in what are laughingly called 'vacation weeks'. Yet it never quite happens; you're too emotionally drained, physically exhausted and some bugger always thinks you have nothing else to do so they can schedule meetings, tell you to rewrite the modules you have lovingly perfected or tells you how nice it must be to have such long holidays ( yes you, BIL ).

Baby I shouldn't have let it get to me. But I am setting myself back on the straight and narrow. - Oh but to add to my misery with a stealth boast . . . yesterday I was running around with Pup and jumped up a step in the garden, but, because of the weight I have lost, my gardening skirt in too big around the waist and hangs too long. I tripped on the skirt and landed flat on my front and now have very bruised ribs and slightly tender norkage!

KHALISI!

Small I am counting again, albeit smaller numbers for now

I am having the usual day one restlessness, but at least I have the experience to know how much better it gets.

Oh dear, Pup has mastered the stairs. I don't need a gym!

looking hi honey, come and sit beside me, you sound like you need a hug xxxx

Just popping in to see how everyone is. Hope what's up honey?

Hi Sweet glad you're back

Hi Baby glad you're feeling better

hope you ok?
sweet nice to see you back. Where the hell is wry?
crutched are you ok?
mouse how's the hand?
Waves to all

Day one done and dusted. Night all.

Had secured my dream job post redundancy on a one year loan, after a lot of hard work. And all those months worrying about redundancy seemed over. My department head, who is a massive twat, has blocked it unless they make 6 posts permanent because they don't want us back in 12 months and have to pay us redundancy. I have worked hard quietly to,secure this job that I have wanted for 8 years and last week thought it had come off, and was so excited. Heard the news on a teleconference today and ran out of the office in tears. Sat in my car crying for an hour before I could drive home. This is just spiteful bullying from our head of communications. Am devastated. The department who want us are not yet in a position to promise permanent employment so the opportunity is gone. As of next Tuesday I am jobless. Devastated