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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - The Wheels On This Bus Go Around And Around, In Search Of Sobriety.

999 replies

Mouseface · 12/02/2015 09:52

Hello, I'm Mouse Smile

This is the brave babes bus, Gerald. He travels far and wide, to wherever he's needed to offer non judgemental support, advice and Opal Fruits!!

We can tell you about the kind of places that can help, your GP can be the first and easiest place to start, or you can look up you local community addiction centre, or even just come onto the thread and let it all out.

There are posters here who have been on the Bus from the start and those who have just joined us Smile

It doesn't matter how long you've been here, the fact that you have taken that first amazing step in acknowledging that maybe, just maybe, things aren't quite right with your drinking is truly MASSIVE!!

This is a safe place for you to just be and to be as honest as you like, or just to talk.

We'll listen Smile

And if you'd like to see our last thread, you can JUST HERE

Plus if you'd like to see where these threads all began, you can read all about that YOU CAN READ THIS VERY EMOTIONAL AND MOVING THREAD

See you soon,

Mouse xxx Smile

OP posts:
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Fairenuff · 22/03/2015 21:41

Crutched this is not rock bottom. Not yet. You can still have your children with you, he can't just take them away. But you do need to commit to being sober. Do you think you can?

As ma says, you can fight for this. We will help you. Please keep posting, no matter what. No-one here will judge you, we just want to help x

dementedma · 22/03/2015 21:43

crutched I am amazed you didn't kill yourself with that amount. But you didn't so it wasnt meant to be. You are needed still, your dcs need you. At you sober now? Are the dcs safe? If they are with their dad then all is well for tonight at least as they are safe and with a responsible adult. If you undertake a medical de-tox and help ( my brother did this and will be two years sober in May - his story is on here) then you CAN rebuild your life with your dcs. You will be allowed access. Perhaps supervised at first, but you are their mother. So, let dh care for them while you get the help you need but please, please dont give up!

Crutched · 22/03/2015 21:48

I was three weeks AF. DH had been totally supportive. He has told the DCs they will be moving in with him (they are teens); they are up for it.

Fairenuff · 22/03/2015 21:53

You have a lifetime of being with your children to look forward to Crutched. You can have a great adult relationship with them. You need to prioritise your recovery about everything else. Three weeks is amazing. You can do it, you have every reason to get sober and stay sober. What are you immediate needs. Who is with you right now?

Crutched · 22/03/2015 21:56

the kids are downstairs. I rented them a film. this whole thing feels ridiculous. I made this life for them.

dementedma · 22/03/2015 21:56

3 weeks AF before the bender? And AF since?
Ok, so dcs are old enough to understand that you need help with an alcohol problem. You need to communicate with them honestly about the help you are going to get and be honest in admitting that you have caused them hurt. Reassure them that you love them and that getting sober is the proof of this. You will find them to be supportive when they see you really are trying. All is not lost, love. Is there someone who can be with you tonight?

Crutched · 22/03/2015 22:00

3 weeks AF. having that case of wine was the killer. I tried one bottle.

thankyou for the company.

Fairenuff · 22/03/2015 22:03

One drink is all it takes crutched, that gives the ww an opening and she went for it big time. But you are safe now, your children are safe. Well done for posting, that was very brave x

Crutched · 22/03/2015 22:05

I woke up on the floor. he says he will be doing the school (college) run from now KB on. what I can't shake is knowing he was hoping this would happen.

dementedma · 22/03/2015 22:08

crutched my battery on this tablet is about to die so dont think I am deserting you. Make an action plan for tomorrow and discuss it with dh. Be prepared for him not to believe you and continue with his plans to move the dcs in with him. Take positive action - phone your gp for an appointment, find out where the nearest AA group meet, arrange for a friend to drive you there. Show him and the dcs that you mean business.
3 weeks is more than I have ever done. You CAN do it but you must do it one day at a time.
One day. Starting tomorrow. I pledge to be AF tomorrow to support you. Just for one day, for now. Stay calm, stay strong. Other babes will be here for you and I will be back tomorrow

Fairenuff · 22/03/2015 22:09

If he sabotaged you crutched then it probably is best that you separate. You need supportive, helpful people around you. Where is he now?

Fairenuff · 22/03/2015 22:10

I'll do an AF day with you tomorrow too x

Crutched · 22/03/2015 22:11

I just wish I could die.

Fairenuff · 22/03/2015 22:14

I know Crutched but you won't feel like that forever.

(((hugs)))

venusandmars · 22/03/2015 22:33

crutched he was cruel to do that but please use this to get the help you need. All of us here know the battle with alcohol and all of us know that we have risked our health, our relationships, our dc, our driving license, and even our liberty. Yet in the midst a tiny glimmer of hope is all we need. That spark of hope can be for anything. I know it feels dark and desolate but you have already ignited support on here.

lookingforhope · 22/03/2015 22:57

Hi Crutched, are you still around? Hope you are OK. Do you have someone in RL to talk to as well? Did you phone the Samaritans? I think you should if you feel you want to talk to someone right now.

I will also do an AF day with you tomorrow.

The babe that Ma is talking about was called Whydidthishappen and her story started around here

What I remember about her is not what she did to split with her partner and lose her DS, but the bravery and courage and spirit she showed in her journey to getting sober and getting them back. And there was not a dry eye on the bus when that finally happened, and she checked in recently to let us know she was still OK and happy, and it was like the best present ever. And I know you can do that too.

Perhaps some time away from DH will give you time to focus on healing yourself, not worrying about the expectations of others

And I am sorry if this is overstepping the line, I do not know your OH, but to me, buying a case of wine to tempt a problem drinker into getting drunk when they have spent 3 weeks sober is NOT a supportive thing to do. It is a mean thing, and if you didn't feel so guilty about your actions (which we all do, it is part of the withdrawal) you would see that. You wouldn't buy a stash of heroin to trick a smack addict into 'failing' would you? You had three weeks free of alcohol. No matter what happened with the case of wine, nobody can take that three weeks away from you my love. And you will do it again. We will help you.

But Please, Please, Please keep posting. We are all worried about you and we want to help you. Just the fact that you were honest with your partner about drinking before the broken leg shows that you are an honest and brave and principled person.

Love to you and your kids xxx

babyjane1 · 22/03/2015 23:24

crutched we all say things in hurt and anger. You can sort the big things out later but for now it's getting and staying sober. whydidthishappen is the babe ma is referring to, her story will let you see you can get through this, we are here to help and support you, big hugs xxx

Rubyredlips · 23/03/2015 06:31

Crutched how you doing? You will get through this. We're here for you

Khalisi · 23/03/2015 06:53

Good morning, everyone.

crutched, darling babe, how are you?

I just caught up and I must say, there is nothing 'd' about your h. He is a dick. I am so very furious if I knew him personally I would have thrown a jug of his fucking wine in this face!
It would have sucked for him to go anyway. But to humiliate you in the process just to have his 'excuse' is beyond disgusting.

You managed three weeks. You can do this. I'm pledging being AF today too, crutched. Think of yourself right now.
Your children are being manipulated by a very mean person so that he can feel better about himself.
If he really cared about you, he would not have bought that wine.
The best thing though is their love for you is so great. They will be your champions when they see your efforts.

(((((((hugs)))))))
Flowers

Fairenuff · 23/03/2015 08:13

Check in with us today Crutched, let us be your 'diary', just a wave will do. Thinking of you x

babyjane1 · 23/03/2015 08:45

crutched please let us know your ok, big hugs to you and we are all here to support you every step of the way xxx

dementedma · 23/03/2015 09:04

good morning crutched. Are you ok? I will try and check in when I can during work. let us know what help you need.

Crutched · 23/03/2015 11:16

hi guys. I'm alive and awake. grateful for your support.

Tobyjugg · 23/03/2015 11:18

Delurking to say crutched that that was a bastard trick he played on you.

marfisa · 23/03/2015 12:24

Hi Crutched, I'm delurking too to wish you strength.

What your DH did was definitely not supportive of you. I've been sober for five months now and the compromise I've come to with my DH is that he can only bring as much alcohol into the house as he wants to drink that same day! In other words, if he drinks half a bottle of wine on Friday night, he pours the other half down the sink. If he hadn't agreed to do this, I DEFINITELY wouldn't be sober now. I just have too many weak moments. Especially at the beginning, you need to protect yourself in any way you can. It doesn't sound like having alcohol in the house is helpful for you. At all.

It seems to me like you're still too focused on recovering for the sake of your DH, rather than for your own sake. I know it's hard, but try to put his judgement of you to one side, and remember that it is YOUR recovery, not his. You need to be doing it for yourself, not for anyone else. Because you're worth it!

Finally, being AF for three weeks is a great achievement! Bravo! You can do it again! Every time you clock up some AF time, you've become that little bit stronger. Don't let one relapse make you give up - focus on what you've managed to achieve. And say you won't pick up a drink today, just for today. Flowers

Big hugs to all the other babes. I've been quiet mostly because I'm still struggling with depression. AA has been keeping me sober but it hasn't solved all my life problems. Waaah! Seriously, though, I'm still enormously grateful to be sober. Depression is bad enough on its own without alcohol magnifying it and making it a billion times worse. Despite the depression, I have a peace of mind that I didn't have before. And AA has also helped me deal with the guilt - oh god, the overwhelming drinker's guilt. It's so crippling.

Wishing you all a lovely day - you're brave babes indeed. xxx