The Brave Babes Battle Bus - The Wheels On This Bus Go Around And Around, In Search Of Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

This is the brave babes bus, Gerald. He travels far and wide, to wherever he's needed to offer non judgemental support, advice and Opal Fruits!!

We can tell you about the kind of places that can help, your GP can be the first and easiest place to start, or you can look up you local community addiction centre, or even just come onto the thread and let it all out.

There are posters here who have been on the Bus from the start and those who have just joined us

It doesn't matter how long you've been here, the fact that you have taken that first amazing step in acknowledging that maybe, just maybe, things aren't quite right with your drinking is truly MASSIVE!!

This is a safe place for you to just be and to be as honest as you like, or just to talk.

We'll listen

And if you'd like to see our last thread, you can JUST HERE

Plus if you'd like to see where these threads all began, you can read all about that YOU CAN READ THIS VERY EMOTIONAL AND MOVING THREAD

See you soon,

Mouse xxx

Roof needs major, multi thousand pound repair. Can't afford it and other things needing done in old property. Never sold a house before and have nowhere to go but getting all the paperwork and advice. We need a homeowners pack thingy. Dont know how to get one or what it will cost. Will need to get basic repairs done first or no-one will buy the place. In a weird way a relief to have the decision made but everything still a mess. Council housing waiting list is huge. If we can sell, we might rent first just to regroup but dont think will get another mortgage at our age. Dont want one anyway as easier to split without one. Going to get more roofing quotes first. Downstairs neighbours have to pay their share too but they will object. Its all very surreal. Just dont know what's going to happen next!

Evening everyone.

I believe in love at first sight. It took me about half a second to fall for the little chap. He is chocolate brown, wiggley, and will be coming home on Sunday.

And Baby, my pussy has ginger patches !

Crutched, sounds like fate intervened. Stick with us, nothing you can say will shock us (secret drinking, yup, done that, hiding bottles, done that, you name it . . .). With the help of the bus, and the other Babes I am 65 days AF.

Ma, I've done the house selling thing twice, but only South of the border. But it took me two years of talking about it to finally address all of the rubbish stuff in the last house that we lived with but no one else would want. I hope it's the start of a good, easy process for you.

Told DH about the secret wine. He left, ostensibly to collect DC3. We'll see. Felt wrong to lie, hope I don't live to regret it. Stupid stupid stupid. The painkillers make me want to be honest but now he knows I'm a liar.

Hi babes.

Ma, good luck with the house sale. I was going to jump in and say that homeowner packs were abolished but then realised it was probably different in Scotland so I have nothing useful to contribute. When I sold mum's house I just left it all up to an estate agent to do, and I chose one and a solicitor with fairly fixed low fees, and for some repairs that needed doing I got a valuation and then knocked it off the asking price if pushed. But that was only for double glazing.

I hope you manage to get everything sorted and that the process isn't too difficult for you. And you will feel more free without a joint mortgage I imagine? Good luck with everything xxx (And get loads of quotes for the roof. I just got my garage done and the quotes varied by as much as 150%!)

Baby, also laughed at the ginger pussy. This bus is like a Carry On film some days. You are sounding very boingy these days lovely. Long may it continue. Oh, also can you let me know your secret to teeth whitening? My gnashers are looking a bit dull these days. As am I, frankly.

Actually been AF for 8 days now and forgot to want a drink tonight. Usually am staring longingly at the bottle from the minute I get in, but tonight just automatically headed for the kettle to brew up after dinner! Small progress.

Sweet - 65 days for you!!!! Well done, the Smock of Smug is yours for the weekend. And am so excited (and a tad jealous) about your new puppy! I will be tuning in on Sunday night, hoping for maybe a little photo??? I would love a dog but now is not the time. Also I really like Border Collies and I know they are one of the hardest dogs to have in terms of time spent exercising them etc. But I am keen to hear about yours! Bet you are so excited at the moment....

Crutched. welcome aboard. (wheels chair onto the bus for Crutched and plumps cushions). Hope your leg heals soon. Are you bored sitting at home? Hope you have some good books or box sets. In answer to your questions, I have read Allan Carr but obviously not had any success as am still here and still having to watch myself carefully so as not to go back to binge drinking. That's not to say it doesn't work though, it does seem to for a lot of people. I maybe just didn't read it at the right time for me. Jason Vale is also a popular choice. His book did make sense to me. But I think I prefer books by women. Sober is the New Black made me think about how I drink and I try to remember it when I feel like having one.

Joey how are you today lovely? Has the WW stayed away tonight? Big hugs and have some and

Waves to Fevvers, Faire and Small

Khalisi, you can't just drop in news of a dinner date and leave it at that.... come on lady, spill the gossip! I have no romance in my life so forgive me but am living through yours!

Well, after another long, dull, inconclusive week at work we are no nearer to finding out our fate. No news of VE settlement or redeployment and with 12 working days left before my role is officially removed, have no idea what on earth I will be doing after that. We have to decide whether to take VE before the end of the financial year - but haven't been told what the alternatives are. It is all so frustrating and unnerving. It also doesn't seem real - after 14 years in a fairly high profile job, it is all being pulled away from me and 11 colleagues and yet we are just turning up to work every day and it's not addressed. We got all brand new IT equipment today despite the fact that we are surplus. You couldn't make it up!

Anyway, computer about to die, so signing off. Night night lovely babes, and wishing you all lovely weekends xxx

Hello, tis me, Mouse

Just checking in to say that life has been utterly shite in terms of my volunteering role for the last 2 months or so.... I promise to come back over the weekend and explain what I can.

I thought I had a friend there, turns out I was wrong and I shared lots about my life with her too and now feel stupidly duped.

Sorry to butt in. I'll try and catch up over the weekend and get with the beat and know where you lovely people are all up to.

Love you all lots,

Mousey xxxx

Oh, Crutched, just xp with you there. You are brave for telling the truth, but perhaps he suspected anyway? In which case you have done the right thing. I hope that things work out for you - is your DH normally tolerant? Hope it all sorts, keep us posted. Specially big hugs to you tonight xxx

Aw, Mouse, hello babe! Missed you there too. Sorry you are having a bad time. Shall we run your false friend over with the bus? Tuck yourself up on the back seat and have some cheese and biscuits, and we will catch up tomorrow xxx Nice to have you back In fact, green opal fruits for both you and Crutched tonight (if I can wrestle them off Ma)

Mouse good to see you. So much to admire in your posts.

Same for all of you. Thankyou for being here.

I think showing DH was a fall/push situation. He has put up with a LOT/too much. He won't leave me with a broken leg but we will see what happens afterwards. I am terrified but I deserve whatever is coming.

alias lots of love to you. The self-loathing is the killer. Cuts through anything anyone else might think of you I think?

looking Carr's argument seems to be "why would you do this?? Stupid!" - is that wrong? I'm not all the way through but the whole pitcher plant argument seems not to cover why I drink. Whyever that is.

mouse good to see you again!
crutched sorry, I didn't say hello. I am the bus misery at the moment!
wry come out and play, quine.
Waves and bosies to everyone..
I have a pad of paper, a pen and a plan to make....so much upheaval ahead but a plan will help. The biggest most urgent thing is keeping my job. If I can do that I can do the rest.....
Today we have man coming to fix the boiler, another roofer to give an estimate coming out. I'm adopting khalisi's tactic of getting workmen in

Good morning babes,

crutches your very very brave to have told your husband the truth, I guess if your able to restart your relationship with a clean slate then this was the right thing to do. You can rebuild your life the only way I could , from the very very bottom up, to not admit the absolute truth would always be in the way. In a crazy way I'm thinking maybe your broken leg might be the best thing that could have happened, you have been given enforced time and sobriety to realise you want to stop and you have a grace period to show dh that you can and will change. I really think you are so brave and In stepping out of the shadows to help joey combines great courage and great kindness to help a stranger and expose yourself in order to help!!! This bus is a truly magical place and has saved me in so many ways and we are all to support you too, that's how we roll. Your safe here and cared for xxxx

sweet so excited about your puppy, it's a glorious time those first few weeks, it's really a bit like a new baby and the puppy and kitten will became great friends. Another hot water bottle for you to fill!! So happy to feel your smile in that last post. Xxx

looking I worked on an office of 106 people and human resources turned up announced and said could the following 8 people come to the conference room. My name was on the list, we were shuffled away terrified to be told that every other member of staff was being made redundant and because of the nature of the business they were escorted out by the time we were allowed back out. It was horrible and my survivor guilt was awful. Anyway point is I still keep in touch with many of them and every one of them has had a successful and fulfilling career. It's not your company that's made you successful it's you and any fool will see that you are indeed very FABULOUS indeed, mwah xxx

ma life is a bitch sometimes, now is one of those times. "When life throws you lemons, make lemonade" maybe there's a message in there somewhere, hugs to you lovely lady xxx

Love and hugs to every goddamm one of you xxxx

Hi all

Crutches very brave for telling dh and I hope you're ok with the pain of the ankle. How long will it take to get better?

I feel pissed off, dh is feeling low and anxious and it frustrates me. He's so up and down I have no idea what he is going to be like on a daily basis. I also suffer from anxiety and it is hard dealing with myself and my dh. I know how selfish that sounds and I wouldn't admit to it in real life but it's true

Are you ok ruby. It is so hard to keep going in the face of uncertain mood swings from people at home. Can you get some time out for a walk, or to go for a coffee?
So far today I have visited dad, got keys cut, got my glasses fixed, picked up my mended watch, dropped dd2 at friend,emptied the hellhole which is the cupboard under the sink in the kitchen. Boiler man has been, roofer still to come, then run to the dump with first few bags of chuck out rubbish!
Oh, nd been for a brisk walk in the wind an saw some deer.

Hoping you're taking time for yourself ma do you have an auntie Derek session booked?

sweets a puppy! Oh you lucky thing I suppose we'd better lay down newspaper on this Bus, I take it he's not house trained?

indie I think you are right. The fates have forced my hand and I am almost relieved. I have no idea what the future holds but at least I am moving towards it.well done you on the AF!

No auntie Derek session this month but I could sure use one!

Hi Babes!
Can't nc as I'm totally out of time!
except Sweet oooh!!! a puppy!!!

Well, I promise to be back with all the juicy bits on my gentleman. He's no stranger, though. The (single) Builder. I live in a village and you don't get so many chances to meet people!
To be fair its nothing romantic, at this point. Just very grown up grown ups being grown up!

Have to run but will have time tomorrow.

Have a lovely nights, Babes!

alias please don't feel so bad, my babe. Shit happens. Its a pity when it keeps happening to us and right now I have both sides of it - the nice and the not so nice and I can tell you, drinking doesn't help a bit!

See you guys tomorrow!

xxx

Hello lovely Babes, tis me Mouse

I went into the place where I used to volunteer (by the way, I don't care if any of the staff who work there are reading this because I am not surprised if you have a serious drink problem!) and spoke with the home manager who was actually lovely and genuine with me.

She told me the place was turning to shit and she was ready to leave herself. That's the home manager!!!

Anyway, arse to them. I will NOT be treated like that, I am Mouse - hear me ROAR!!!!

So, I got back in touch with the other people who O volunteer for and asked if they had anything else and they said yes, could you do the village you live in every two weeks?

Erm.........YES PLURLEEEZZZ!!

So, I'm settled and happy for now. Those who I thought were my friends have ignored me thus far, and that's fine.

I get sick of being duped into thinking I have friends when actually I don't. Especially all that the few of us have been through as a unit or not for the last few weeks, do you know that friend you have? The one that you feel sorry for because they get taken advantage of the whole time?

Well, that's me just now.

Anywho - crutches - you and I are going to be bestest of friends as I am on crutches!!

Lovely to meet you :)

And to see you all posting!!

Nemo is properly poorly, I mean really, almost an ambulance in the night last night poorly. He has flu and this is shit for his heart condition. His heart rate last night was out of control..... it took me hours to get him cool, calm and settled and to stop vomiting.

We played musical beds between Nemo, myself and DH, and eventually, everyone got a few hours but Nemo is v poorly. With almost 6 yrs of caring for him I know the triggers and signs to look out for....

We've got all the meds he can have and hopefully, after a week from HELL, (he's only been in school for two days this week!) he'll get better and soon be back in as he is scared of the work they have given him, they've moved him up from the bottom group and is panicking.

Most children are glad, he's scared, my poor little Nemo is scared of the pressure of a new level. I really have to speak to his 1 - 1 but she's off with her DD who has broke her collar bone

I feel trapped, and tired and grumpy, naggy, used, suckered in by the 'friends' I thought I had, and just generally twatish.

So, the vodka that I would have once been necking by now, isn't even in the house. Nor is any wine. Nothing, nada, nowt.

I AM SOBER!! and I love it. I can't look after Nemo if I'm off my face or the rest of the family, including ME!!

So, no boozing and smashed out of my face since my 40th (Jan 14th) so I am feeling bloody good. Trying to lose the weight slowly via a Wii workout is working plus keeping as active as I can be without triggering pain feels fantastic.

Nemo has 13 diagnosis now. His spine being the most important and newest concern for us but hey, we lost him at 6 months old, I watched him die, and they got him back so I have every belief in him pulling through this 'cold' and give him millions of cuddles :) It's a touch job, but someone has to do it huh?

And off to bed I go with warm milk and a digestive or two to help my meds work.

I've not had chance to read back and catch up so I am starting from now. I hope that's okay with you all.

I'm/we're here for YOU, ANY BABE, whenever you have a problem, want to talk, need to let shit out.....

I have no desire to get wasted/pissed/wankered etc.

Something shifted. Maybe seeing some of the residents in the home and how/why they got there (drink/drugs/toxic abuse) made me realise that life really is too short but until you have hit ROCK BOTTOM, you do not know how that feels and therefore can't act upon it.

I love this Bus. You are all amazing. You are all strong and you are all worthy of so much more than you think.

Being here can help you replace a bad addiction with a good one..... swap drinking at four 4pm with playing with the DCs. Change your night-time routine.

Why do you need wine with dinner? Why not water.

Fill up with tasty soft drinks, especially as spring is due this Month! Mocktails already made up in your fridge for when you get in from the shit day at work or wherever is a quick hit and not a 'fuck it' hit.

Come on............... who is with me on getting the booze right down and the positive YOU right up, however we/you have to do it?

Let's do it together.

Love you Babes, sleep well! xxx

Night, Mousey xxx

mouse you are my hero, that's quite simply the truth of it, a goddam hero xxx

Morning all.

Sorry I missed you all yesterday, the day got very busy. And once Pup arrives I have no doubt today will go the same way. Spent a lot of yesterday doggy shopping (DH and I pissing ourselves laughing at the sparkly, spangly, crap Pets at home sell - apologies if you do like to dress your pets up in pink onesies that say 'world's cutest pup' or doggy baseball caps, but Pup will be a plain black collar and lead sort of boy!). And the rest of the time tell Puss that we still love her, and sorry for turning her world upside down.

Mouse, good to have you back, chicken. I'm sorry Nemo is so poorly, that must be exhausting and terrifying for all of you, and primary schools are such seething, snotty germ factories, you must dread the Winter months. I really rate the Wii fit - when I was at my heaviest and had no fitness at all about four years ago, it helped me shift the first 5kg and get the confidence to go to the gym (used to love doing the free step whilst I watched tv, I got through a whole series of House doing that.)

Ma, one cupboard of junk at a time, I found decluttering very therapeutic. This really will be a chance to reassess, and move forward. It sounds like it you had a productive day yesterday. keep hold of that feeling.

Hope, your work sounds unbelievable - in a how could they be so awful way, rather than I don't believe it way - but eight days AF is brilliant. Are you starting to feel the benefits or are they a bit buried in work stress?

Oh and I have to share the Smock of Smug with Small my fellow day 66-er Work that Smock awesome babe!

Crutched What you did, confessing to DH was very courageous. His reaction, will be hurt and angry, but perhaps if you can find time with him to have a very serious talk about how you have affected him and how you might move forward. If you haven't already done so, go back and read JWN's original thread, I think you will find it very close to home, but ultimately hopeful and comforting.

Baby I am keeping the heat pad industry alive single-handed!

Joey, DH and I spent a lot of time deciding which bit of the gutter-press the pup should pee on .

Ruby life can be really tough when both you and DH are struggling, but you need to make sure you take care of yourself first (like the airplane oxygen mask instructions).

Wry, well done on day one (a Friday is always tough), how did you do last night?

And Khalisi - loves you, you naughty, twinklygrown up.

Right, War and Peace over. Have a lovely AF Sunday. Promise to post a pic this afternoon.

I do wish MN would add an 'edit post' button, so I could go back and correct my lack of proof reading before you all get up and see it !

Good morning babes,

It's a beautiful day here and I'm heading out for a big long walk. It's been a week full of ups and downs, i so badly wish my mood would stabilise but I'm either bursting with enthusiasm or in the depths of despair, it's tiring, what goes up must come down so the more energised I feel, the more I dread the way back down.

I saw a clip of a programme about being bipolar and the woman said of the good days "it's like living in a glorious techno colour amazing world or the alternative is like living in hell". It had been suggested I am a bit bipolar bit

Sorry about that. Anyway it has been suggested I should try a trial dose of lithium but I'm too scared of all the bad press and side effects. Anyway for now I'm plodding on with a healthy diet, lots of excercise and of course no alcohol and that seems to be keeping life manageable if a tad boring...

sweet no more sleeps to go, it's PUPPY DAY. Only 1 bit of advice, do not let him in your bed, you will regret it (I speak from experience) .

So have a super duper Sunday, I luffs you all xxx

Hello all!

Just popping on to say happy Sunday to you all. Sweet - excited for you on D(og)-day! And proud to be sharing the Smock of Smug with you on day 66 - but Babes, Sweet and I are holding the Smock on trust for you all. I feel so strongly that it is chance and happenstance that seem to have enabled me to make progress AF this time round after so many false starts, and I for one am holding that smock for you all for when those circumstances come right for you too.

Been for my lido swim, gorgeous and sunny but the evil pool people have turned down the 'heating' (such as it was) because it is evidently now 'spring' and so we don't need it so 'hot' (ha). Blimmin freezing. But the dolphins were still there playing happily in the shallows, and allowed me a brief tantalising stroke of their noses (maybe this analogy is getting a bit overblown in my head..).

And a massive massive hug for Mouse - babe it is so lovely to see you. Basically what Baby said - you are amazing.

Sorry, no time to NC all as have mildly poorly children to attend to and a DP v kindly (but wrong-headedly) engaging in a distracting craft project for them which is way over their heads but in which he is so absorbed he hasn't noticed them being sick around his feet. Bless him, though!

sweets did I miss a post from Wry? I can't see one. Hope she's okay.

My dog is in bed with me now, snoring next to me. Although, he doesn't shed, is pretty clean and quite small so we can get away with it.